Sufferer My Intro... Struggling With Ptsd

[Tiseye]

About a year ago, I found out my wife was carrying on with several emotional affairs, wasn't sure she loved me, wasn't sure if she wanted our marriage... I didn't take it to well. Part of that was due to the fact that she kept a front until I uncovered her shenanigans... I just felt and still feel really betrayed even if there was no actual sex.

I didn't react very well, but one smart thing I did do was start with a therapist... he has helped me immensely with helping me see my wife has many traits of a Borderline Personality Disorder, I have Codependent traits... but at this point I'm having a real hard time shaking memories, getting triggered, wanting to withdraw. I'm thinking I might have to find a new therapist to help with the PTSD specifically.

Presently I get triggered all the time, my life itself is a trigger. I pass a restaurant my wife went to dinner with one her "friends" almost every day, one of the guys house is almost visible from my place of work, every time my wife bites me I think about her text about wanting to sink her teeth into some other guy, when I ride my motorcycle I think about her telling some other guy that she'd have rather been riding with him, a fast food restaurant that she got food at before going back to some guys house, texting,... the list goes on.

I'm feeling numb these days, little to no desire in sex and do not enjoy things the way I used to. I'm tired of feeling this way, I just feel lost.

 

[ericaboo]

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's good that you're seeing a therapist - check out this site because there are different types of therapy, and it makes a difference.

Not only are you dealing with what you've been through, but it sounds like your wife has probably been through some damaging things herself.

I hope you can both get some healing - and not in a codependent way...

Best wishes and welcome.

 

[Tiseye]

Here is a quandary... I have read that talking about triggers, memories can be therapeutic but I can hardly mention it to my wife... I don't really have any close friends (that I want to talk to about this) and I don't want to talk to family about it. Most of them already think my wife is a pain. I've been with my counselor for almost a year now and I feel weird admitting I'm still having this problem. I haven't really talked about it much, just mostly learned of it and have been quietly dealing with it with a blurt out here and there.

That approach isn't working out that well.

 

[ericaboo]

There are many different types of counselors - I suggest you read through the posts on this forum - especially the "sticky posts" at the top of each section.

It may be that you can get some better counseling - either from the person your seeing, or someone new. I hope you can find someone you feel more comfortable speaking with.

Even writing your feelings down, if you're too uncomfortable to talk, can be liberating.