My Little Brother

[Fadeaway]

Mods, not sure if this is in the right place. As a sufferer I wasn't sure whether to put this under supporter or here.

First of all, he isn't my blood brother, but we call each other siblings due to a bond formed out of being able to understand eachother in a way others don't get (aside from this website of course) due to our PTSD. He was horribly abused by his dad and has worked hard on his recovery and trying to build a life for himself. He has a good job that he loves.

The problem is, his abuser has started showing up at his work and just glaring at him. He is now terrified. His job told him that they couldn't do anything without a restraining order, so he pursued it and the judge denied it due to the length of time since the last assault, and because the abuse took place when he was a minor. He now wants to leave his job because he can't work living in fear of his dad returning. I agreed and told him that I supported him 100% in that decision out of fear that it would damage his recovery.

My husband on the other hand feels that I was wrong to tell him this and that the pressure should be on his place of employment to make accommodations for him, i.e. schedule change to the hours his dad would be at work instead of evenings, working in the back where he won't have to run into his abuser.

I don't know what advice to give him now.To be honest, I don't really know the laws and what falls under the Americans with Disabilities act. Does anyone know what his rights as an employee are? Am I wrong for supporting him in quitting his job? My husbands fear is that if he quits this one, his dad will find him at his next job and will start a cycle of leaving jobs to escape his dad. I get that, but if it was me, I would just want to leave too and not take anymore risks.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm not sure this falls under the Americans with Disabilities act because it is a fear, not a disability per se. Yes, he has PTSD, but again, I don't know how that would work given that the law only needs to accommodate for certain things. That is, I may NEED something, but if the law doesn't allow for it, I won't necessarily get it. Well, at least that's my understanding given my experience in working with my school's disability services.

However, I do think that he should go higher up the chain of command at his place of employment. If he was a female and a male was coming in every day and glaring (read: harassing) him, would they take this so lightly? HECK NO! Well, I don't think so. So I think that yes, he should continue to fight this with his current employer, and IF that doesn't work, THEN seek employment elsewhere. (BTW, the economy sucks, and jobs can be hard to come by, so I suggest working within before trying to find something elsewhere.)

This no restraining order thing is pure sh!t. My mom never physically abused me, but she brings me more terror than anyone else I know. Of course a judge would turn me down for a restraining order....

 

[Springer80]

Long story short....What SHOULD happen with the law and his employment rights and what IS happening are too very different things. You've already said the law won't protect him.

What is likely is that he could spend an awful lot of energy, whilst already in a fearful situation, fighting his employers for better protection, which will stress him even further and there is no guarantee that anything good would come of it. In fact, I would guess he has a slim to cat-in-hells chance of affecting the changes he needs. It might take months and months and in the process he could erode the good working relationship he has at his work place.

Lets assume after however long it takes he finally gets the result he needs and then realises that now everyone knows about the 'hassle' he's caused with management and he's the subject of gossip. Would he still feel comfortable?

I know this sounds pessimistic and in an ideal situation society should step up and help but he's not dealing with an ideology, he has to live with what may practically happen.[DOUBLEPOST=1405100975,1405100877][/DOUBLEPOST]Another possibility is that the length of time it takes to fight this out means that his health diminishes such that when he's finally pulled himself through it all, he is then not well enough to work.

 

[seedling]

Is there any way that someone in management could ask his dad to leave and not bother their employee while they are working? You didn't say what kind of business it was. Is he there pretending to be a customer?

If he's there as a customer could someone continually ask him if he needs some help, pester him politely until it's obvious he has no reason to be there.

Sometimes when some light is shined on the situation, the person's power is diminished and he might leave your brother alone.

I hope someone in the workplace offers some kind of help, good luck.

 

[Friday]

His employers dropped the ball big time.

Family, spouses, exes, girlfriends, stalkers, strangers with a chip on their shoulder, random crazies, drunks, reporters... Doesn't matter. Employee goes to boss (or security if it's a big building), says this person is harassing them, boss/security asks the person to leave / barred from returning. If they return, then boss/security files (I forget which restraining order, since there are about a dozen of them, but it's a specific one for business places at have semi public areas but it's still private property), and if the person returns... It's a quick call to the cops for trespassing.

My sister is head of security at a building downtown. They have a few "Sir you have to leave" every single day, and I've never known her to have a week where they're not ringing the police. Usually a couple times. Part of her daily paperwork is filing restraining orders with the city. Again, a couple a day on average.

It sounds to me like his boss/company just doesn't understand their rights, or the process, or how easy it is for companies to ban individuals from their property. It's difficult for individuals to take out no-contact & other forms of restraining orders. It's wicked easy for companies. They were asked to leave and not return. They didn't leave, or returned. Standard form. Sign. File. Done by 10am the next day.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Take a picture of him every day he shows up and date it. Not sure if my iPone stamps day and time but if yours does, you've got evidence that he is there constantly.

PTSD is a disability. As long as he has been diagnosed with it he can expect reasonable accommodations.

If they don't change his situation and he quits out of despair he may well have a wrongful termination case. Have him consult a lawyer. His reputation is at stake if he keeps having to leave jobs.

 

[jmni]

I think your husband is right. If they can change his hours or location to accommodate his safety, but that might be permanent.But I don't think this would be covered by the ADA. The employer hasn't really discriminated against him because he has a disability. This is more like the right to work in a safe and non hostile environment (and he does have that). But, there could be some loop hole like, if his abuser is causing him distress through through harassment, then it could cause him anxiety, then maybe he could get FMLA. But that could open the door more issues.

Despite that his abuser knows where he works, and he's going there, so he'll keep coming back. And even if he leaves this job he is likely to follow him to the next, so he needs it anyway. If this employer reveals itself as not being supportive then he might want to quit, but before he does that he could at least use it as a means to get a restraining order. I think the best thing would be to wear some kind of wire and film him and take photos, like KwanYingirl said to. The employer must want to say or do something, so he should be prepare for that.

 

[Springer80]

It's difficult for individuals to take out no-contact & other forms of restraining orders. It's wicked easy for companies.

Sounds about right. Thanks Agent Jones ;):watching: