My T. Said To Contact Her Between Sessions If I Need. How Do I Know If I Do?

[Starbuck6710]

My therapist has said that between our therapy sessions, which are about two weeks apart, I could contact her if I needed to. I know that If I felt suicidal again or wanted to hurt myself I would definitely contact her. But what if I just feel really, really anxious or have SI's or are incredibly depressed. Actually I don't even know what's wrong but I'm really low and I don't know If I can wait another week. But I also know that If I didn't contact her I'm not going to try to commit suicide or anything I just have no one I can trust or connect with like I can with her.

 

[Lucycat]

I think you have answered your own question. If you don't feel you can wait another week, then it is appropriate to contact her. She gave you permission - why not try it out?

 

[digger]

I'm really low and I don't know If I can wait another week.

Personally, I would try and pull this apart for myself a bit more first. What happens if you can't wait another week? What does that look like? Do you mean by that that if you wait another week before having any contact with her you are likely to self harm, or that the SI is going to get a lot worse, or that you're likely to turn to other potentially harmful ways to cope? If this is the case, then I think it would be appropriate to contact her.

Whatever you decide to do, it would be really useful I think for you to have this conversation with her so that she can help you define the boundaries of contacting her better so you feel less uncertainty about it in future.

Recently I was in a period of crisis, and my T offered extra support and told me to think about if I needed that from her and let her know if I did, but I had no real idea of what she was actually offering. So before I could let myself ask her for extra support, I had to ask her what that meant, to define it better for me, which she did. It is worth asking your T for clarification.

 

[Rumors]

I think it shows a sign of self care when you reach out for help. Like you said, you really don't have anyone else. If you did, you could call them. Since you don't, call your therapist. I don't think you have to suicidal or wait until you are to ask for help or let her know you need some more support. Good for you for realizing things aren't going well and you need something!!!
The one thing that sticks out in my mind is when my therapist said to me, "it's ok to ask for help." In my world it wasn't ok to ask for help so it has been a restraining of my total being or, as my therapist says, a "re parenting" of myself. Damn it's hard so don't feel badly that you are questioning what to do. However, please give yourself permission to help yourself. Perhaps you could start your conversation out by saying, "remember when you told me I could reach out I between sessions if I needed to? I NEED TO!!!"
Best wishes!!!!

 

[ButterflyBean]

Recently I was in a period of crisis, and my T offered extra support and told me to think about if I needed that from her and let her know if I did, but I had no real idea of what she was actually offering. So before I could let myself ask her for extra support, I had to ask her what that meant, to define it better for me

@digger, in reference to what you said above, I'm wondering what your therapist thinks is appropriate in regards to extra support? This is something I struggle with as well, so @Starbuck6710, I want to assure you that you are not alone! I am not one to contact my therapist between sessions even though she encourages me to. In my mind, nothing is an emergency as long as I am physically safe, even though that thought process can be counterproductive at times. We've had several conversations about this very subject, but I have not mastered what is an emergency quite yet, although I must admit that the picture is different for everyone. Asking for any type of help can feel like a weakness to some people with PTSD, when in reality doing ss shows incredible self-awareness and willingness to achieve healing. That is not to say you aren't determined; I'm just normalizing your difficulty and attempting to give you another perspective. I hope you find the balance that works for you!

 

[Tinyflame]

give yourself permission to help yourself.

That is quite the thought @Rumors ! :wideeyed: I suppose that's so.

 

[Eagle3]

For me and my T, email between sessions is the way to go. He never answers me unless its a real emergency, but I know that just sending him an email gets the problems off my chest and I know I'm keeping him properly informed. He's commented several times how he wants me to email him, he appreciates the extra insight, but I understand his need to NOT answer me as a way to keep me from getting too dependent or monopolizing his personal time. Its just good boundaries, while giving me the extra contact I need. With that said, i do have his cell number, and can call/txt when I'm having a dire emergency. In over a year of working with him, I've only used that once. I texted him to let him know i needed to talk as soon as he was available, and he called me when he could talk. Only 15 minutes on the phone, but I needed that call (things had just blown up at work, and I had basically quit that day). He has commented several times that I'm one of his LEAST dependent clients, which makes me feel good, but I know that asking for help is an area I'm struggling in. Sending emails when I feel the need to make contact help with that, even if the contact is one-sided. Just knowing that he's reading them, and will respond if he feels it necessary, is enough for me...

 

[digger]

@digger, in reference to what you said above, I'm wondering what your therapist thinks is appropriate in regards to extra support

Hi @HollyBeans27 - on this occasion it was to schedule some extra sessions with her, so I was seeing her twice a week for a couple of weeks, instead of once a week. I don't usually have any contact with my T between sessions, and for the most part I'm very happy with that arrangement - I like the boundaries to be really clear. I would now feel more comfortable contacting her in a crisis and saying, I think I need extra support at the moment, can we set something up.

In my mind, nothing is an emergency as long as I am physically safe, even though that thought process can be counterproductive at times. We've had several conversations about this very subject, but I have not mastered what is an emergency quite yet,

'crisis', for me this time around was a period of being repeatedly triggered to flashbacks and memories by something outside of my control, and continually having to manage those and suicidal ideation and thoughts of self harm and bad anxiety attacks, it felt like I was just on a loop with it all over and over, and even though I was essentially managing by myself, it was taking pretty much every bit of everyday to do so. I have to have a zero tolerance approach with myself over suicidal ideation, but removing it as an option for myself, doesn't unfortunately remove the distress that caused it, and that was what I felt I was left dealing with. And for me, that's the level it would probably take for me to consider asking for extra help again.

Just from reading these boards though, different people and different therapists have different boundaries around contact between sessions, so I don't want to tell anyone what would be right for them or their therapist. That's just where I'm at with my therapist now, although it's possible she would prefer me to ask for more help before I get to that point - I'm still not completely sure on that!

Coincidentally (or not) before this crisis hit, we had recently been looking at how difficult I find it to know what I need, to know if I need help or not, and to know how to ask for it or who from etc. It didn't even really occur to me that I could have contacted my T before the session where she offered the extra support, and what I actually took to that session was more asking her to help me work out where and how I should get support in the future if I needed it - she just wasn't on the list of 'places I can get help between T sessions if I need it' that I was trying to compile in my head ;)

I think if your T has offered for you to contact her between sessions, is saying she wants you to feel okay about doing that, then maybe next time you have a point where you are considering it, but can't bring yourself to do it, that might be a good thing to bring to your next session and say 'I really felt at times this week that I needed help but wasn't sure - is this the kind of situation you are meaning when you say I can contact you between sessions'.

 

[EveHarrington]

Every therapist is different so I'd ask her.

My therapists usually wanted or required me to work on helping myself first before I could call them as it forced me to practitioners coping skills.

 

[PureBliss]

My therapist has said that between our therapy sessions, which are about two weeks apart, I could...

Sometimes when I have sessions that are two weeks apart, I contact my T via email too. I have seen other therapists before and two of them allow email contact, one allows phone contact while the other one did not allow any contact outside sessions.

My current T asks me to email him if I have any questions related to therapy. So that's what I usually do. I usually email him if the question is really bugging me and always on my mind and when I can't wait any longer for an answer and wish to get that in an email.

But often, I tell myself not to expect a reply. Because they have every right not to reply if they don't want to. So, I don't put my hopes up if my T doesn't reply.