My Work Knows Now

[mytai]

My boss just sat down with me and started asking about my face, and said that he knows it's through no fault of my own and I'm not in control of how this affects work but he wanted to be able to know so he can be more understanding if I have to miss work.

I gave him the brief low down of what's going on, the two recent attacks that left me with a lovely black eye, stitches, and skin glue in my face. He just wanted me to know that everyone in the office was concerned about me and knew that my "mini" stories didn't make sense. He agreed with me wanting to keep it quiet and separate from work, but feels that it would help if he knew the basics - that way I can just let him know in the future if it is going to affect work (ex. I have to miss work for court or something).

I feel kind of relieved, but also I feel like I have more pressure on me to perform just to prove that this isn't affecting my ability to provide quality work. This is my boss at my full-time job, not the new part-time one I just picked up.

 

[TimeToHeal]

Hi @mytai, I was actually thinking about you earlier today and wondering how things were going.

I think your boss sitting down with you and asking about your obvious injuries is a good thing! It seems like he was asking from a concerned and caring standpoint, not from a, "your work is not up to par, is this why?" standpoint. At least that's how it sounds. Perhaps now that he is aware, you won't be quite as worried about covering it up...? Also, would it be possible to request that security be available later, so you won't be left to make it to your car all alone?

I hope you are taking good care of yourself and the pain in your face is lessening.

:hug:

 

[Changing4Best]

WOW! Heavy duty. First are you in therapy? Or at least getting advice from some kind of professional, such as a social worker? I hope you are no longer at the mercy of who did this to you!

After that, it is important for you and your boss to be able to talk so it is good that he was concerned enough to broach the topic with you. That everyone at work is concerned for your welfare is good, not bad. It means that they care, which is more than can be said for some co-workers and bosses!

I understand your feeling pressure; don't forget to take deep breaths here and there throughout your workdays. Also, do you know any grounding techniques? Can you meditate for a minute there, if need be?

 

[mytai]

@TimeToHeal, my face still feels like I got hit with a beer bottle and fists. Hurts to yawn and smile because my stitches pull. You're right, he was coming at it from a caring standpoint, not at all that my work wasn't up to par - he actually said he has no concerns about the quality of my work. Unfortunately security won't stay later, they stop patrolling our office building after 6pm (most businesses are gone by then). I didn't drive to work today, I rode my bike - mistake seeing that it is raining now :banghead:

@SheilaKathy, I am in therapy (with a trauma therapist). I also have SA nurses, DV nurses, social workers, and a psychiatrist involved. I am still "at the mercy" of this person. The police are looking into what happened during the last two attacks. I do have several grounding techniques I can use - just trying to be careful not to bring myself too much back into my body right now because I'm not in a safe head space to do so without having my T or the social worker available until Thursday. I see both of them then.

 

[Echo]

@mytai - I'm really pleased your boss did this, though I understand you feeling pressure to perform, but from what you say, he has no concerns about the standard of your work. I guess he was saying you have permission to have time off; it's ok. It is also potentially an added layer of protection for you. Maybe one of your co-workers might even be a witness to your uncle having been hanging around.

It must be costing you so much energy to hold it all together like you are. I hope your nice policeman is keeping you up-to-date, so you know what's going on. You are one brave woman.

Just on the point of after-work security, as a woman working alone like you do at the end of the day, they really ought to provide you with proper protection. Maybe you are like me and don't like making a fuss, but maybe also our ingrained sense of never being safe means we don't know how to ask for that protection or even realise that we should have the right to it. It has been over a year that I've been hesitating about asking my landlord to provide better lighting in our car parking area. I know I should because walking out into at night is a massive trigger for me and stops me going out. I tend to think it is not the landlord's concern, but really when I've got my sensible head on, they do have some responsibility for their female tenants (workers in your case) particularly. It might just be something simple like being allowed to park nearer or having an allocated space somewhere; it doesn't have to be a person necessarily. Maybe good lighting or cameras or anything that makes you safer.

Gentle hugs, Echo

 

[mytai]

@Echo, I haven't heard from the police since Saturday night. I don't want to be a bother to them, or take away from their time looking into this. I hate to feel like I'm bothering others.

You're right, they really ought to provide a walking service to your car in the evening, or at the very least light the parking lots a little better. But it was a fluke that I parked where I did that night, I don't normally park there. I just did because my boss was sick and I had his parking pass, so I could avoid paying for parking for 2 or 3 days.

Thanks for the hugs Echo. Like I've said in previous threads, I really need to get up the courage to ask my T for a hug when I need one - and I really do this week, majorly.

 

[arfie]

Too bad Canada's immigration laws are so tough. I wanted to ask you where you work so that I could send my resume.

Hope you heal well.

 

[mytai]

@arfie, not as bad as the USA's immigration laws.

 

[Ryn]

Popping in to give you virtual hugs. :hug::hug::hug:

Also, maybe if you're afraid you won't be able to ask for a hug in the session, you can send your T an email beforehand and ask. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You deserve one. <3

 

[novemberDark]

Hi Maytai
I'm so sorry I couldn't respond to you I lost when I read about you end up hospitalized.

When your face is beautiful they can't handle looking at it, it makes them sick inside.

I hope you find that part of strenght inside. You can turn the tables around. Just trust you and you won't go down. You have strength ypu just need to get in touch with that. I hope your face going to be aok. I'm sorry I cannot read how it got like that.

 

[Em C.]

Consider this an infinite supply of hugs! <3

 

[Em C.]

Also, I had(have) the same problem with work so I definitely know where you are coming from. Some days I feel like everything is fine and everyone is accepting and then the next I feel that they are shutting me out. Your boss seems like a stellar person and trust me the hiding is way worse than the lingering feeling that people know. This gives you more freedom to be your lovely self! :)