Narcissists: People Persuading You To Develop Ptsd

[bell]

Learning their tactics is a big old waste of time, in my opinion. Because, at the end of the day, how is this honestly going to make you feel better? What about spending time figuring out how people heal? Or feel better? Or find joy? Those are things worth spending time on. Improving is worth spending time, getting in the head of a jerk? Not worth the trouble or the time.

And in reading your posts, you seem to keep stumbling over yourself to understand other people and not working hard enough to understand yourself. To me, it seems like you need to let them go, take better care of yourself, and begin to see that you are worth caring about. Because it doesn't matter what other people do, all that matters is what you choose to do and that you choose to move forward.

 

[bell]

Additionally, I'm confused by the title of this thread. I.e., how can one persuade you to develop PTSD? That infers there as a choice as to whether you got PTSD or not. I know that I would have loved to have had the choice to get this. If you do think that you have a choice in the matter, then maybe you're looking at the wrong modes of therapy and there is some other approach that may be better for you. Not trying to argue, just honestly asking and questioning.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Wow Thinkingman, I am really , really sorry to hear what he put you through! Just to clarify, I did not mean that you should just 'get over it' or stop thinking about it! Of course it sticks with you! Your brother deliberately harmed you/tried to kill you. I understand how and why you are traumatized by his action(s). I have read several accounts of narcs attempting to kill their siblings. And NO, you were not young and dumb to go ride with him. Please do not blame yourself for any of his actions.

They, narcissistic people I've ran across, played mind games and I have to know their tactics in order to move forward.

I agree! This was the way for me to reclaim my thoughts, mind and sense of reality.

 

[CrazyHorse]

I think what is meant with persuasion is a reference to the mind games and severe mental abuse narcs do to their victims. Subtle, and ever so slightly, they get inside your head and twist your mind around, here and there, wherever they want and that can easily cause their victims to develop PTSD.

 

[Thinkingman85]

bell, I focus on improving myself every day. I've tried letting it go and moving forward. The reason I study narcissistic abuse is because I don't want to be a victim of it again. You're right that I am what matters. I had that mindset when I was in college and I did very well. However, there came a point when I quit denying what was going on. I was ignoring the outside and set on succeeding. Then, out of the blue, my mind snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. That was when PTSD developed and I lost myself. It was a combination of how I was treated and the environment I was in. Unfortunately, the reality is that I folded under the pressure. I couldn't go back to the "focus on myself and ignore the bad people" mentality because it was too painful when the bad people attempted to manipulate me. That is why I want to understand the mind of a psychopath. After all of the subtle abuse was over I had lost my sense of sanity. The best way to describe it is like Chinese water torture. Narcissists do the best they can for you to keep them in your head. It's not a conscious choice to get him out of my head. That is why I have PTSD. I have to understand what emotional scars he left so I can move forward and THEN focus on myself and not the bad people. I can then reclaim my lost self. The previous lost self couldn't handle the abuse. That is why I'm on this forum.

CrazyHorse, I agree with you completely. Reclaiming my thoughts, mind, and sense of reality is exactly what I'm working on doing right now. Narcs can offset these things because you used to trust their judgement. When someone that you trusted thinks he/she is right and you are wrong it is hard to maintain confidence and ambition. Someone has to be wrong.

 

[anonymous]

It's so hard to separate your mental reality from the twisted things that have been imparted on you. You do really have to believe in yourself. To some of the posters above it's not as easy as just deciding you're not going to let a person affect you. Anyone would try that first it's when you can't do that this is when it becomes a problem. It's like that old joke where you tell a doctor it hurts when i do this and then they tell you well then don't do that. If you haven't had the experience of a person controlling your outlook even though you know it's is false then maybe you can't really comment.

 

[Thinkingman85]

Anonymous, that is why it seems like revenge is the only thing that would stop the madness. I'm not going to do that though. The perpetrator knows what he/she is doing and won't stop unless you send a clear message. Basically, I believed that I was living the right way and so did my peers. My brother attacked that outlook. Similar to someone being stabbed my outlook was stabbed. Your outlook is your most prized asset in life. It's how you perceive the world. If someone tries to break that your entire worldview can be compromised. Thus, there won't be mental stability and the person won't have a map to be able to move forward. Most people don't attack your outlook on life. They can disagree but they don't try to intentionally try to harm someone into believing that they are wrong or insane. It is a form of manipulation that can cause the person to doubt his or her sanity. That is my case. The tactics from the narc are very convoluted. You could be right about something and the narc will know you're right and STILL say that you're wrong. The narc is doing this intentionally to destabilize you. Just letting this go isn't that simple. My sense of self and outlook was intentionally threatened in order for my demise. Basically, you could even see it as someone trying to kill you by being cunning and acting like a good person. To me, that's practically as bad as someone actually stabbing you. You're still being attacked because the damage is done. It's mental and emotional as opposed to physical, however.

 

[bell]

Anonymous, you're right, perhaps I shouldn't comment. But I do realize when I see someone who is stuck. And @Thinkingman85, I know I've mentioned going back to therapy before, but I really think that in this case, it would help you free yourself from the torture that you are putting yourself through. You can free yourself from your brother, and as @DMerish said above, you need to find your truth in life. Right now you're living your brothers' truth, which is not fair to you. (Or fun!)

We're commenting because we can see that you want to get better but that you are stumbling in the process. That is something that a therapist or psychiatrist can help you do even better. Because if you're still seeing revenge as the only way out, the only way this is going to end now is for someone to get hurt... and that's not worth it. You're worth saving is all that I'm saying. I just don't think you see that yet entirely. Working on yourself? Great! But, when you're so stuck, you sometimes need someone else to help you see the forest for the trees. Sometimes thought patterns and behaviors are so ingrained, we literally can't fix ourselves without outside help.

 

[DMerish]

A priest, a teacher, a millionaire, and a narcissist were golfing together.

As they walked the course, they came up behind a foursome that was moving very slowly, and that didn't offer to let them play through. Calling over the club pro, the foursome inquired about the poor sportsmanship of the slow group. The pro explained that the slow golfers were blind.

The priest said, Oh, bless them, I will keep them in my prayers.

The teacher said, I will tell my students how inspiring they are.

The millionaire said, I will offer to pay their greens fees for the year.

The narcissist said, Why can't they play at night?

 

[Thinkingman85]

Yep. Goes to show narc are illogical. Living my life knowing that they are will be tough. What I do know is that my brother intentionally tried hurting me. I can't hold in my feelings any longer. I've repressed the truth for too long. The lifestyle I had was extreme and positive. I had a 4.0 in college, only ate healthy food, ran 5 miles a day along with lifting weights, made music, and was social. Even after doing all of that he would say that I was wrong. It still boggles my mind how I fell. My life was swept from underneath me. There is a fear going back to that lifestyle because that is when I was emotionally manipulated. I just can't understand why someone would do that when I was trying to make the best of myself. How horrible of a person do you have to be? I think I still need to be able to accept the reality of how people can be. The above story is starting to resonate more :). I WASN'T wrong. Still, it seems like I have to give up hope that I'll ever get to that level or better again. This just adds on to the depression. Oh well, I'm still glad that I'm alive.

 

[DMerish]

Narcissists don't have relationships: they take hostages. In my opinion, narcissists exclude the subtleties of reason in their thinking processes which makes them often quite logical. The joke above illustrates that. Their logic is based on their need or desire above the needs or desires of others.

Though people often fantasize that their life will proceed in a lineal fashion and expect that it should, I don't know if anyone's actually does. Time and experience has changed you; you may have to set aside what you knew as your former self, initially lower your standards, and with hope begin taking baby steps building your self up again to a new standard of health and well being.

Cave

 

[Thinkingman85]

I would technically be classified as having a personality disorder. That is a reason why I stopped going to therapy. My therapist told me that I probably have borderline personality disorder. I felt like he would have continued categorizing and labeling me as broken or odd as opposed to a normal person that is just suffering side effects from narc abuse. I do fit the category of having a personality disorder.

The reason I do is because when I was conforming to society my life was shattered. That was when my brother manipulated me. I adhered to a system (society) and still ended up hurt. So, it's hard to conform if you believe that most of society doesn't care about you. You're expected to be a good listener and put yourself before others. I wasn't respected enough from the general public to continue doing that. My wick burnt out. To me, conforming is an effort that doesn't reward you.

I feel better being alone because conforming causes more pain. I'd rather live by myself instead of having a false belief that I'm seen in general as relevant. I'm pretty sure the initial response would be, "You're blowing it out of proportion. You're wrong." This may, in fact, be true. At the same time, I ended up this way for a reason. Either I wasn't loved enough by society or I couldn't handle it anymore.