Narcissists: People Persuading You To Develop Ptsd

[Philippa]

I think it's understandable that you would want to understand why your brother does what he does, and behaves the way he does. It's normal to go through those kinds of mental gyrations when in recovery from narcissistic abuse. It's actually been proven as well that the damage they do actually CHEMICALLY changes your brain, and re-wires it so you are giving him your attention and energy just by thinking about him and why he is the way he is.

Bell is right in a sense, that focusing on yourself is the better option...but it's just not that easy. Your brain has been re-wired and is full of peptides which are causing you to continue to focus on him. It will take time for your brain to go back to normal, and that can only happen if you have no contact whatsoever with your brother, unfortunately.

 

[CrazyHorse]

It's actually been proven as well that the damage they do actually CHEMICALLY changes your brain, and re-wires it so you are giving him your attention and energy just by thinking about him and why he is the way he is.

Philippa, are you referring to Melanie Tonia Evans?

 

[Thinkingman85]

Philippa, I maintain no contact. I am never going through that pain again. It's scary going back to how you were. I was hurt when I was at my BEST. That's a scary reality. He had to be an intelligent manipulator to tear me down when I was at my best. So there's a fear that if I get to that level again I won't be able to defend myself against the abuse from people... That I'm not competent enough and they are too clever.

 

[heidi]

Do you think his brain can really go back to normal if it's been physically affected by his brother? Unlike PTSD? Wouldn't that be a whole other disorder then? It would be great if it were true. Maybe you're right but just ahead of the experts.

 

[DMerish]

Philippa, I maintain no contact. I am never going through that pain again. It's scary going back to how you were. I was hurt when I was at my BEST. That's a scary reality. He had to be an intelligent manipulator to tear me down when I was at my best. So there's a fear that if I get to that level again I won't be able to defend myself against the abuse from people... That I'm not competent enough and they are too clever.

Hi Thinkingman -

I completely get where you're coming from. I was in relationship with a narcissist for a number of years and he's the most intelligent individual I've ever known. He is the father of my two youngest children. In many ways, I was at my best when I became involved with him. Note: I used the words "in many ways" in the sentence above.

Your vulnerability may have simply come from the sense of familial love/kinship and a natural inclination to want to care and take care of your brother or, as in my case your vulnerability have come from a combination of it and possibly other things in your childhood. We're influenced by circumstances around us all the time. Even here, we are warned that when we read about other people's experiences that doing so may trigger/worsen one's own PTSD.

The really tricky thing IMO is that PTSD tends to cause fixation in the past. You will not, however, you cannot go back to how you were. PTSD or not, we cannot go back to what we were.Think about it Thinkingman - It's just not possible. We either continue to go downward, remain stuck, or go forward - beginning at the point we are now. Sometimes, going forward involves being temporarily stuck or going backwards some, but then for healing to occur going forward again at the point we are at a later time has to be our choice. Does this make sense?

In the scheme of things it doesn't matter whether your brother did what he did intentionally or not, because your focus now is on you - your healing, not caring for him. That being said, learning about how the mind of a narcissist works (in an objective fashion) for me helped a lot. It will make you grow antenna that will help you spot them quickly in the future and get out of their path. ;)

 

[CrazyHorse]

In any case, I would be careful listening to Melanie Tonia Evans' 'theories' about peptides and narcissistic abuse. I have seen some of her videos on youtube and found them appauling to say the least. I am strongly convinced that she is a narcissist herself. She uses the same tactics. Just very subtle and hiding behind a science claim. In short, her message is fear based and proclaimes, basically, that it is your problem if you are still hurting from narcissistic abuse. She just uses a lot of non-sense science to do the old blame-shifting tactic and making the target feel even more vulnerable.

 

[Thinkingman85]

It feels like I have on invisible chains that need to be freed. Basically, my normal routine way of living was knocked off track. You expect people to be a certain way and if they are not it's very hard to adapt. You have preconceived notions that the person loves you or cares and that belief is attacked. You have the preconceived notion that you are intelligent enough to succeed and an automatic response pops up from previous abuse stating, "No, you're not." This was all implanted from the narc. What kind of sick twisted person would act more intelligent than someone else in a degrading way? I have to know what was done to me. I don't take the peptide addiction theory seriously. It's pseudoscience. I think I was brainwashed to believe that I'm not good enough... A tactic to stay connected to the abuser. Also, I've made mistakes and guilt is also an impediment. Honestly, I don't believe in myself enough. Some of it has to with myself and some of it is out of my control. All of the factors have to be understood in order for me to regain stability. I'm willing to do so.

 

[Philippa]

Philippa, are you referring to Melanie Tonia Evans?

That is who I got my information from, yes.

 

[Philippa]

In short, her message is fear based and proclaimes, basically, that it is your problem if you are still hurting from narcissistic abuse. She just uses a lot of non-sense science to do the old blame-shifting tactic and making the target feel even more vulnerable.

I didn't interpret her message as blaming the victim at all. Saying that your brain is full of certain peptides which need time to run their course is not the same as saying you are to blame for still hurting from what happened. Nothing she has ever said has sounded anything but supportive, to me anyway...but you are entitled to your opinion of course.

I find that people are too ready to jump on someone and accuse them of victim blaming these days without really interpreting the person the way THEY meant their words to come across. People make meaning out of words, and once they've concluded that they are right there is no trying to convince them otherwise. Trying to say that they may have misinterpreted the person is like banging your head against a brick wall...pointless and a waste of time.

She never "made" me feel vulnerable either. I felt supported and amazed at hearing about how the narcissist can re-wire a persons brain with their behavior. I don't believe anyone can make anyone feel anything. They don't have that power.

The peptide theory may or may not be true, but I found it fascinating in any case, and I don't see it as blaming the victim. If anything it is saying you're not to blame because there are chemical things going on that you have no control over. I admit there is so much misinformation out there that it might be wrong though.

Isn't telling someone to "be very careful" also putting fear into them? It may be well meaning as you perceive danger there, but that doesn't mean there IS danger there.

 

[Philippa]

Philippa, I maintain no contact. I am never going through that pain again. It's scary going back to how you were. I was hurt when I was at my BEST. That's a scary reality. He had to be an intelligent manipulator to tear me down when I was at my best. So there's a fear that if I get to that level again I won't be able to defend myself against the abuse from people... That I'm not competent enough and they are too clever.

That's understandable. In my experience I've had people do the same, and they seem to take pleasure at tearing us down from the level we are at. It is very scary.

 

[Philippa]

Do you think his brain can really go back to normal if it's been physically affected by his brother? Unlike PTSD? Wouldn't that be a whole other disorder then? It would be great if it were true. Maybe you're right but just ahead of the experts.

I don't know that it would go back to normal, but it would not be exposed to these "peptides' (if they are real?) anymore, so that would have to be beneficial.

If he maintains no contact indefinitely, he will not be exposed to any more of that behavior, so like anything, in time things rectify themselves. I don't pretend to know enough about the brain or how it balances itself out when it is no longer influenced by certain things, and I don't profess to know more than the 'experts' though I will say that the 'experts' are often wrong and people place too much stock in what they say, in my opinion.

I am not going to comment on something being another disorder. I think people have gone disorder crazy these days, and everything has to be a disorder of some sort. It gets a bit ridiculous.

 

[Thinkingman85]

I am definitely going to maintain no contact indefinitely. I had a nervous breakdown because of him. As a person, I literally can't handle being around him. He is a parasite and an older brother that intentionally tries to tap into my weaknesses like older siblings do. He knows that he's doing it and doesn't care. Mainly, what hardest for me is to not physically hurt him because he is a real life threat. I almost committed suicide because I couldn't handle his stupid mind games anymore. He has done gaslighting and smear campaigns. I've been taught to "be nice" and "turn the other cheek" but that has gotten me nowhere but left in pain. Nobody should have any threat in life. If there is, it should be taken care of. Having no contact won't save me if I actually do run into him. He'll know that I won't hurt him so he'll continue with his deceptive behavior. The only reason I haven't gotten revenge is because I believe that I'm better than him and I will not stoop to his level.