Navigating a relationship post groping

A

Anon pls :)

Hi guys, I have been having a ridiculously stressful time where it feels like my entire world has fallen apart and crumbled. I am past breaking point to the point where I just live in fear and have no clue what to do.

Context for the situation, Recently I had had a weekend away with my friends, I hadn’t had anything like this in ages due to my busy schedule navigating work and university as well as finances. This was discussed well in advance with my boyfriend and was not an issue as far as im aware as he had previously been abroad with his group of friends.

Whilst in a nightclub at this weekend event, a male whom I had not even interacted with or looked at came up behind me, grabbing me in two areas of which I did not consent and revealed my breast from out of my top. I was horrified and so distraught, my friends pulled me away and led me to the club toilets. I understandably began crying, and having a panic attack and became distraught. My friends calmed me down and I at this point wanted to ring my boyfriend to hear his voice and seek some comfort from the man I loved. I agree that doing so in a public toilet in a night club has certain environmental factors causing this to be difficult, but the alcohol in my system mixed with the emotions of the situation left me so desperate for my boyfriend who was 3+ hours away, additionally, due to not knowing what the man who touched me or his friends looked like I was absolutely terrified to leave the bathroom.

He picked up the phone, having had an understanding of some of the situation as I had texted him to fill him in slightly. On the phone he seemed quiet, borderline disinterested and eventually it went mute - i do not want to speculate whether this was due to him muting or the signal but according to him during this time he said “speak later”. I did not hear this, but did not want to speak later.
The phone call then ended, and it was then another 10 minutes until either of us would make contact. During this time I was sobbing, crying, wanting to rip my skin off and break free of the touch of this predator. In my frustration I sent a message saying “You don’t even care.” Should I have done this? Probably not. But in doing so from then on has transpired a whole sequence of event leading us into destruction and choas within this once loving and amazing relationship.

He since has admitted that during the night of me texting, calling and yet being ignored he was messaging a girl from his past. They never “Dated” but he does admit to having met her on tinder and going on a few dates prior to ever meeting me.
Similarly, when I returned to our shared house he made the decision to ask me to leave and go home to my family home - over 2 hours away. Or stay with a friend. He was so horrified at the idea of me saying “You don’t care”

Since, he has agreed that he should have supported me more but cannot justify my words. I have stated how sorry I am to have said those words but asked him to realise it was out of character for me and as a direct result of the fear I was in and not anything to do with my ideas of the relationship at all. However, since then I feel his actions have stronger shown his lack of care.

He is apologetic now, we are at the point of speaking civilly, however my heart is still so hurt from the events of the night, aswell as feeling betrayed from his actions, particularly those involving his friend. Who I really do hope and believe is just a friend, but why did she have more attention that night than me?

Is it possible to move past this in a relationship? Is it wise? As a female I sadly have to live with the knowledge that this could happen at any time. This was not the first time something like this has happened, but it was the first time it had happened to me whilst in this relationship. What happens if it happens again one day and it all kicks off, or im too scared to tell him what happened? I want him back because I truly love him but do I love the idea of him or the real him?

Any advice welcomed
 
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