Need darkess or closed eyes when sharing trauma?

[Deleted member 35429]

When I first had PTSD I needed complete darkness before I could even discuss my trauma. I would go as far as putting my hands over my eyes even when I would think about what happened. Eye contact in broad daylight seemed unbearable. I am a lot better now but I still need the blinds lowered and the room darker while in therapy. My therapist was asking me if there is something specific to light in my trauma. I can't recall. Can anyone relate to this?

This isn't just about eye contact because I would be alone with both palms completely covering my eyes every time I would be consumed with thoughts about this.

 

[trying to heal]

My T regularly sets up the room so it is partially dark when we are working on stuff and I usually can't look at her and keep my eyes closed when im describing stuff to her. I know there is definitely parts of my trauma associated with light/darkness.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

That happens with many with PTSD, whenever my mind is in trauma time when I was in hospital recently, my head goes back, and eyes closed. In fact it even happened listening to music because my mind was dealing with trauma. I dont think mine is associated with light, I think its just a protective response.

 

[7Cs]

When I first had PTSD I needed complete darkness before I could even discuss my trauma. I would go as far...

Sometimes I close my eyes or cover them.
Most of the time I look away. Like I don't want to see inside me or see my pain.

 

[rosey]

When I first had PTSD I needed complete darkness before I could even discuss my trauma. I would go as far...

i too close my eyes or cover with a scarf when talking about my trauma.

As you said it is nothing to do with eye contact. for me it is almost as if by closing my eyes i can keep the memories tucked away to a managable level. The only problem is that i was hoping to try out emdr which isnt possible with shut eyes.

 

[damozel]

There is an emdr method that uses hand held buzzers to produce the bilateral stimulation. I imagine it can be done with eyes closed.

 

[Ruby Rose]

Yes EMDR can be done with eyes closed and hand buzzers, therapist said your eyes track from left to right naturally whist closed. I had my first session doing this yesterday.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I had to use audio tones
It did what was expected. it just backfired, my trauma was too intense to process, I think its because it was done with purpose, and any abuse done with purpose falls under torture.

 

[Stephernovas]

Yep. I put my hood on, close my eyes and cover them.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

i too close my eyes or cover with a scarf when talking about my trauma.

As you said it is nothing to do...

Actually it is. I use the hand vibration things for emdr and I do close my eyes.

 

[Punky143]

10 years of therapy and I've yet to make eye contact or even reveal my face when discussing painful things. But, I'm dissociating basically. I have no comprehension how someone can show their face or even cry when talking about things. I am ashamed by so much and the expressions shown on my face might be the opposite of how I feel...