General Need help finding help for my wife and helping her be heard.

[redeyedblueheart]

Hey everyone,

My wife and I need help. She’s really really struggling in life right now. She needs a support system and I really want to help her find one.

She’s got a whole slew of issues from Depression, Anxiety, Autism, Night Terrors, CPTSD and a bunch of trust issues among other things. Her whole life she never really had a solid support system. Her family either gaslit her or brushed her off/ignored her or belittled her. She’s always been made fun of for her sensitivity to things. She has found few people in life that have the patience she requires. And she has found even less people that actually listen to her/take her seriously. Right now she is desperate to be heard and to be understood. She essentially feels worthless because this has gone on her entire life.

Most people keep suggesting therapists…. She has never had a good one. It took awhile of dating her to convince her to try them again (and to try meds) after her childhood trauma at various therapists offices. Her parents kind of ended up using them as a substitute to actually trying to parent meanwhile using it as a free pass to be shitty parents. It’s been a struggle but once she got on meds and realized they could be beneficial she started to see the importance of them in her life. But at the same time she is fully aware that they don’t solve all her issues. But she doesn’t exactly know how to navigate things either.

She’s heard all the BS answers from therapists. She’s had people regurgitate her problems back to her and not be any actual help (looking at you suicide hotline). I try to be support for her but I can be too ADHD/miss the point too often. Her patience towards being heard is out basically. Feels like she’s been screaming for help for decades but been ignored/brushed off.

How do I/we find her support? What do you do for someone triggered by “mental health professionals” and just being in their offices? She can’t even do the sheets where they ask you to rate 1-5 or 1-10 how you’re feeling because they are so triggering for her. I mean it’s to the point where I sit in with her on these things (by choice) to try and be her voice when she is unable to speak and there hasn’t been a decent one yet. So far most people come off as not understanding her or trying to and just want to over medicate her. She doesn’t want to be a drugged up zombie. She wants to be coherent and talked to like an adult. She doesn’t want stuff hidden from her “until they think she is ready to hear it”.

How can I/we find a doctor for her that will actually take her seriously/not overstep any boundaries? She realizes she needs one for meds but it’s a huge trigger for her and makes getting the meds almost not worth the hell she goes through mentally leading up to/during/ and after the visits.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hello @redeyedblueheart welcome to forums.

You're asking where to get help and that mental health professionals, at least some of them, are crap. Well, I think most people here would agree that finding that one person who can listen, understand and has the necessary skills to help, is incredibly difficult to find.

You speak about therapists? Have you tried a psydoc who does both meds and counselling. I know that's not so common in a lot of places and countries but they do exist. So my suggestion is to seriously research your options in that area. And be aware that meeting and leaving behind health professionals is common for mental health clients. It has to be the right time, the right person & yeah, everything just so. So very difficult indeed but not impossible.

I can see that if you're wife, who has benefited from the meds should stop taking them, the potential for things to head South quickly is also likely. So though meds are not a cure, at the very least, for some of her conditions they may buy time so that she can learn skills and yes meet that psydoc who can take her onboard and deal with her conditions.

The other aspect of your post I wanted to comment on is to please not put yourself down, find fault in your personality or believe that in some way you've failed your wife because you cannot be that therapist or psychiatrist. You're her husband and that is enough. So you don't have to be her in between counsellor.

Sorry if this isn't helpful and sorry if my suggestions disappoint but honestly professional help of the right kind is what your wife needs and she needs it consistently over a very long period of time. Please keep looking.