Childhood New Audio-type Flashback, Feeling Disorientated/confused

[LateInThe Day]

This is something that hasn't happened to me before to this extent and I'm bit bewildered. (Short background - CPTSD from childhood with sadist/narcissist/potentially homicidal mother.) Going through self-help books etc today to get my head round it. I happened to be sorting some things out in the garden late last night, which I know wasn't a trigger, but suddenly I heard my own voice screaming as a child in a sort of audio-only flashback. It felt horrific. I can see why it's come because it links other memories that I had recently and makes a sort of sense. Although it's something that happened to me, it was also upsetting because if I heard a child screaming like that now as an adult I'd know someone was trying to kill them because of the level of distress in the voice. I'm still just really shocked at how bad and extreme the screaming was. (Thankfully) I've never heard that sound before in 'real' (post my own childhood) life. Weirdly, after half hour or so I knew it had happened, but I could no longer 'hear' the sound. Perhaps my brain somehow subconsciously put it away again. I don't have any access to therapy at the moment and I don't think I want to carry on with all this memory stuff alone, I can see why I just didn't think about all this for 40+ years! I'm starting to think I'm just going crazy and making stuff up (which was always my mums leading 'gas light' trick and I still struggle with it). Has anyone else had audio memories like this? Have they also had them 'fade' after a short recall? Does anyone else feel disorientated/confused/jet-lagged after them? Thanks in advance.

 

[hodge]

This does sound like a horrific experience. My mom sounds very similar to yours. She also would say I was making stuff up. But I wasn't and it took me years to accept what she'd done to me. I haven't had this precise kind of experience, but obviously it can happen. I'm sorry it happened to you. I've had other kinds of flashbacks and always feel disoriented, confused and jet lagged afterward. That's when you need to take extra good care of yourself. Eat healthy stuff, get plenty of rest. :hug:s if that's okay.

 

[garden]

I have heard things in dreams/nightmares that were disturbing/scary to say the least, and I have been awakened by my own wailing/crying, which actually was shocking once I realized that the sound I heard was me. It's very exhausting, I guess because of the emotions that come with it all. We have to remember that our bodies are experiencing this, not just our minds, and give ourselves lots of rest, and don't feel guilty for needing the down time, which I totally understand is way easier said than done.

Sorry that you've had this frightening experience. It's hard to undo this stuff. I have definitey experienced the 'jet lag' you mention after a flashback, and my heart goes out to you. I understand how completely overtaken you feel when it's happening and how scary that is, and how exhausted, helpless, and confused you feel afterwards. It has only gotten better for me in the last year, knock on wood, and I believe it will get better over time for you too.

 

[Raii]

I've never had an audio memory however I'll have scent related memories but then everything fades away and I'm left with the emotion that the memory had with no idea what the memory or scent was.

 

[LateInThe Day]

This is something that hasn't happened to me before to this extent and I'm bit bewildered. (Short...

Thank you @hodge @garden @Raii . It was so strange and disturbing, both when it happened and the day or so after, and reading your posts made a huge difference. It was especially good advice about 'taking care of yourself'. Realised I had fallen into automatic thinking from my childhood, 'pull yourself together/stop making a fuss/you're being selfish' and started rushing around doing 10 things at once to distract myself. Then I realised what I was doing and how tired I actually was, of course I'd be feeling tired and emotional after something like that! Then I had a wobbly, emotional couple of days where I actually shared some feelings with both my H and a close friend - a massive step as something I still find scary. It now feels like something that needed to come out did, horrible but also healing in a way.

 

[Freedomfighter]

This is something that hasn't happened to me before to this extent and I'm bit bewildered. (Short...

Yes, I will get that too occasionally, and it is very distressing when one hears their own voice in distress. I also get audio flashbacks from words said from past abusers and some of those sentences still do not make much sense. But then after some time I figure that many of them were only mentioned to me from the abuser to hurt me even more, just at that time I did not understand it as such. For instance there have been strangers that uttered sentences as they walked by me and while talking to others actually said things that were aimed at me and intended to hurt me. Five years ago, as a curious wide eyed child mentally, I did not know what these sentences meant. But I am slowly piecing it together now and after researching some of those sentences I realize that some of them were the lowest plays that were actually aimed at my physical person, and they came from a very perverted and repulsive stranger who in passing attempted to describe me negatively and make me feel like an object of his perverted needs.