Sufferer New Diagnosis, should've known - I expect rejection and ridicule but thirst for understanding and solid truth. PTSD, DID-NOS, MDD, GAD.

Ohmygosh

New Here
Hi Toren!
It doesn't surprise me at all that you worked in mental health. It doesn't mean that you are by nature a fraud. Did you help people in your career? I mean, it sounds like a long career. That's what counts.

I know the thing I can relate to is that of your narcissistic close relationships.

My brother went covertly insane and started attacking my character in my 30's and little by little did successfully convince my siblings to turn their backs on me. I am utterly alone and have no family at this point, except for my mom who I brought to live with me after transient brain bleeds. Glad I have her, but its not at all normal to be 40 years and for me to know I start shaking if a man wants to date me.

Narcissistic relationships with someone who is supposed to be a strength .& support (you said mom & ex) but who turn out to be the very opposite - that alone is enough to do serious mental damage. Deny your reality. Make you confused or feel like you don't know yourself.

I'm sorry that you went through that.

Do you feel ashamed that you had symptoms and hid them?
At work?

Maybe work was your safe. Place and you needed it to stay controlled? Either way, it's not all black and white in life. We need to work and pay bills just like everyone else. Even therapists are human and even your ex-coworkers.

Maybe let us know your thoughts. You and I are in the narcissism net... It is not something we asked for. We (I) am here to find compassion and a safe place and learn as well.
It can be hard to see some things and triggering. But mostly the talks are encouraging - even when I come on and say really whacky things in adrenal brain.

Look forward to hear how your doing.
 

Toren

Learning
Hi Toren!
It doesn't surprise me at all that you worked in mental health. It doesn't mean that you are by nature a fraud. Did you help people in your career? I mean, it sounds like a long career. That's what counts.

I know the thing I can relate to is that of your narcissistic close relationships.

My brother went covertly insane and started attacking my character in my 30's and little by little did successfully convince my siblings to turn their backs on me. I am utterly alone and have no family at this point, except for my mom who I brought to live with me after transient brain bleeds. Glad I have her, but its not at all normal to be 40 years and for me to know I start shaking if a man wants to date me.

Narcissistic relationships with someone who is supposed to be a strength .& support (you said mom & ex) but who turn out to be the very opposite - that alone is enough to do serious mental damage. Deny your reality. Make you confused or feel like you don't know yourself.

I'm sorry that you went through that.

Do you feel ashamed that you had symptoms and hid them?
At work?

Maybe work was your safe. Place and you needed it to stay controlled? Either way, it's not all black and white in life. We need to work and pay bills just like everyone else. Even therapists are human and even your ex-coworkers.

Maybe let us know your thoughts. You and I are in the narcissism net... It is not something we asked for. We (I) am here to find compassion and a safe place and learn as well.
It can be hard to see some things and triggering. But mostly the talks are encouraging - even when I come on and say really whacky things in adrenal brain.

Look forward to hear how your doing.
Thank you for your insight. I'm sorry you had the narc as well. I have been realizing how extensive the effects of that kind of manipulation and gas lighting behavior really go. It is a hard realization because, well for me anyway I eventually doubted my own instincts and i think that's when the real disintegrating began in earnest. Yes work was a place I felt competent and j couldn't make sense of what was happening. I know you get it from what you wrote. I force myself to go out for instance to a meeting dinner and then some grown man, whoever, looks a certain way at me or I start to fear i may be sending bad signals(i get that is in my head or maybe amygdala), 🤔 and it's go time. Freeze up, can't talk, have to get out, danger danger Will Rogers. I feel very alone as well and of course couple friends side with the person who calls crazy and appears the pulsar of society and reason. No wonder these con men are so successful. And empty.

I bought this book o on cptsd for a trauma book club I found(i have isolated the st out of myself) and searched the house twice for it. Then I get a Flickr of a memory of me stuffing thick books into the trash, pushing them down deep so someone, maybe the ex wouldn't see them and now I think that's exactly what I did. I don't know why though as he finally had left the country. Anyway the first mtg, ch 1, is tonight and how ironic is it that I likely dissociated and threw out the book that is supposed to help explain this dissociation thing? My God what a mess. I'm grateful to have this safe space to share a bit of this craziness with.
 
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