armywife05
New Here
I'm new here and just searching for some sort of advice on how to handle my "husbands" anger outbursts.
My husband got back from a bad year long deployment to Afghanistan back in Dec so it has almost been a year. The first 2 months he was home everything was great. We grew so close during the deployment. I got pregnant with our 2nd son during the 2nd month of him coming home. My husband slowly started losing it with our kids. He went to counseling and was told he had severe anxiety/depression and possibly ptsd (but when he was deployed they told him he did have ptsd). Anyways, he went to counseling once and they gave him medication for anxiety/depression and ambien for sleep (which he did not need, he sleeps constantly) but he abused the Ambien. Every month it seemed like he was getting more and more distant with me. In july he went to a memorial thing they held for one of their sgt's that was killed in Afghanistan. I know it affected him because my husband is the one who got his body in the back of the truck, etc. He barely talks about any of it, but he does make comments about it sometimes. Ever since he went to this memorial in July he has been drinking more, abusing the ambien, etc. Well this past month his drinking got out of control. He started going out with friends constantly, staying out all night which led us to fight. Then the last few weeks he has been bringing up past relationship issues we had before he deployed. (long story short his family and i do not like him. We grew close when he was deployed because none of his family contacted him during his deployment, dunno why). Anyways, he told me he wanted a divorce. Then as soon as he told me that became CRUEL to me. I am not saying he is the reason to blame for everything. I think i pushed him over the edge with nagging (nagging about the drinking, not doing anything at home. But i felt overwhelmed). Ever since he told me he wanted a divorce he has become so cold and distant towards me (he has been distant and cold for a few months but now he acts as if he hates me.) We are due to have our 2nd son here in about 6 weeks and he has not been emotionally there for the pregnancy at all. Even less now. He does not talk about the baby at all, does not ask how the pregnancy is gone, etc. He has distanced himself from me, this unborn baby and my oldest son who is his step-son.
I have of course been stupid and cried and begged for him to work things out, i felt like he was being irrational and doing all this out of anger, he knows he has anger issues since being home. He has pretty much told me everyone is more important to him than me. He has been partying non-stop since leaving me. He has even recently made an account on a dating website. He tells me how much he cant stand me constantly and he doesnt love me, etc. He had a break down the day he told me he wanted a divorce. He said he was about to commit himself in to a mental ward because he felt nuts and didnt know what was wrong with him. He said he was going to call his commander and tell him to lock him up in a mental ward. That was the day he told me he wanted a divorce. Well everything has completely spiraled out of control. We have both been really mean to each other (more so him than me). This whole year i feel like i have dealt with so much. I have tip toed around him because he gets so annoyed and irritated so easy. He became so lazy during this year, i did everything. Took care of the kids, house work, mowed the lawn, took the trash out, etc. all he did was sleep and drink. I have been a drunk babysitter for the past year to him. So there is a lot of resentment and anger there. He said he resents me because i made him feel like he has to choose between me and his family. Which is not just my fault, its his moms fault too. Anyways, i feel like a target. I feel like i get the grunt of all his anger out bursts. I have been blowing up his phone begging him to work things out or crying because of how mean he has been to me. He has completely shoved me out of his life. We have been married for almost 5 years, we have a 2 year old son and about to have another little boy. I just dont understand how he can be so mean to me. He told me that me bothering him does nothing but make him angrier. He said he has severe anger issues now, he admits he has issues from being deployed. He said he is trying to get help. But i really know what to do or how to handle all of this. It makes it sort of worse because im emotional because of the pregnancy. Everything he has done has completely destroyed me.
Should i just leave him a lone? i do worry about him partying so much. I moved back home with my mom because of the anger out bursts from him and he wanted me to leave.
Is this normal? Why am i the target? How should i handle this? I really want to work things out, but he has said move on, he hates me, etc. I really dont want ptsd to control our relationship. I want to be there for him but it seems like the more i try to be there the farther he pushes me away. please help!
My husband got back from a bad year long deployment to Afghanistan back in Dec so it has almost been a year. The first 2 months he was home everything was great. We grew so close during the deployment. I got pregnant with our 2nd son during the 2nd month of him coming home. My husband slowly started losing it with our kids. He went to counseling and was told he had severe anxiety/depression and possibly ptsd (but when he was deployed they told him he did have ptsd). Anyways, he went to counseling once and they gave him medication for anxiety/depression and ambien for sleep (which he did not need, he sleeps constantly) but he abused the Ambien. Every month it seemed like he was getting more and more distant with me. In july he went to a memorial thing they held for one of their sgt's that was killed in Afghanistan. I know it affected him because my husband is the one who got his body in the back of the truck, etc. He barely talks about any of it, but he does make comments about it sometimes. Ever since he went to this memorial in July he has been drinking more, abusing the ambien, etc. Well this past month his drinking got out of control. He started going out with friends constantly, staying out all night which led us to fight. Then the last few weeks he has been bringing up past relationship issues we had before he deployed. (long story short his family and i do not like him. We grew close when he was deployed because none of his family contacted him during his deployment, dunno why). Anyways, he told me he wanted a divorce. Then as soon as he told me that became CRUEL to me. I am not saying he is the reason to blame for everything. I think i pushed him over the edge with nagging (nagging about the drinking, not doing anything at home. But i felt overwhelmed). Ever since he told me he wanted a divorce he has become so cold and distant towards me (he has been distant and cold for a few months but now he acts as if he hates me.) We are due to have our 2nd son here in about 6 weeks and he has not been emotionally there for the pregnancy at all. Even less now. He does not talk about the baby at all, does not ask how the pregnancy is gone, etc. He has distanced himself from me, this unborn baby and my oldest son who is his step-son.
I have of course been stupid and cried and begged for him to work things out, i felt like he was being irrational and doing all this out of anger, he knows he has anger issues since being home. He has pretty much told me everyone is more important to him than me. He has been partying non-stop since leaving me. He has even recently made an account on a dating website. He tells me how much he cant stand me constantly and he doesnt love me, etc. He had a break down the day he told me he wanted a divorce. He said he was about to commit himself in to a mental ward because he felt nuts and didnt know what was wrong with him. He said he was going to call his commander and tell him to lock him up in a mental ward. That was the day he told me he wanted a divorce. Well everything has completely spiraled out of control. We have both been really mean to each other (more so him than me). This whole year i feel like i have dealt with so much. I have tip toed around him because he gets so annoyed and irritated so easy. He became so lazy during this year, i did everything. Took care of the kids, house work, mowed the lawn, took the trash out, etc. all he did was sleep and drink. I have been a drunk babysitter for the past year to him. So there is a lot of resentment and anger there. He said he resents me because i made him feel like he has to choose between me and his family. Which is not just my fault, its his moms fault too. Anyways, i feel like a target. I feel like i get the grunt of all his anger out bursts. I have been blowing up his phone begging him to work things out or crying because of how mean he has been to me. He has completely shoved me out of his life. We have been married for almost 5 years, we have a 2 year old son and about to have another little boy. I just dont understand how he can be so mean to me. He told me that me bothering him does nothing but make him angrier. He said he has severe anger issues now, he admits he has issues from being deployed. He said he is trying to get help. But i really know what to do or how to handle all of this. It makes it sort of worse because im emotional because of the pregnancy. Everything he has done has completely destroyed me.
Should i just leave him a lone? i do worry about him partying so much. I moved back home with my mom because of the anger out bursts from him and he wanted me to leave.
Is this normal? Why am i the target? How should i handle this? I really want to work things out, but he has said move on, he hates me, etc. I really dont want ptsd to control our relationship. I want to be there for him but it seems like the more i try to be there the farther he pushes me away. please help!
