Sufferer New here; PTSD from military; starting therapy

[Undavnted]

Hi,

I'm new here. Started therapy recently and things are starting to get difficult now that I'm being more open about what's under the hood. Attachment issues, regression, obsessive self-doubt ("vicious inner critic"?), depressive symptoms. Asked myself how much more I needed to suffer before I admitted my pain was real, and now I have some renewed confidence for now. So I decided to post something in case someone could relate. So hello cool world.

Joined the military only to be thrown in a medical ward for months, then failed out. They left me injured, and I pretty much didn't admit to myself that it changed me, like down to who I am/was. Now I'm climbing up therapy mountain with a great EMDR specialist/adjustment counselor and things seem to get rougher. I'm the guy who always wanted to numb/tough it out. Doing the opposite is hard, but probably a good thing.

Thanks for listening

 

[Riley Jones]

Hi,

I'm new here. Started therapy recently and things are starting to get difficult now that I'm being more open about what's under the hood. Attachment issues, regression, obsessive self-doubt ("vicious inner critic"?), depressive symptoms. Asked myself how much more I needed to suffer before I admitted my pain was real, and now I have some renewed confidence for now. So I decided to post something in case someone could relate. So hello cool world.

Joined the military only to be thrown in a medical ward for months, then failed out. They left me injured, and I pretty much didn't admit to myself that it changed me, like down to who I am/was. Now I'm climbing up therapy mountain with a great EMDR specialist/adjustment counselor and things seem to get rougher. I'm the guy who always wanted to numb/tough it out. Doing the opposite is hard, but probably a good thing.

Thanks for listening

Hello and welcome to the myptsd.com community! I'm glad you've decided to take this step and reach out to others who may be able to relate to your experiences. It takes great courage to open up and acknowledge your pain, so kudos to you for taking that first step.

It's understandable that things can get difficult when you start delving deeper into your emotions and confronting the effects of past experiences. You're not alone in dealing with attachment issues, regression, self-doubt, and depressive symptoms. Many others here can relate to what you're going through.

It's great to hear that you're working with a skilled EMDR specialist and adjustment counselor. Therapy can be challenging, but it's also incredibly rewarding. Your willingness to face your emotions and make positive changes already shows tremendous strength.

Sharing your thoughts and experiences with others who understand can be incredibly helpful. The myptsd.com community is a supportive space where you can connect with individuals who have gone through similar struggles. It's a place where you can feel heard, validated, and supported on your journey to healing.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or find that your symptoms are interfering with your daily life, don't hesitate to reach out to your therapist or seek additional professional help. They can provide guidance and support tailored to your specific needs.

Within the myptsd.com community, you'll find various forums dedicated to different topics related to PTSD and CPTSD. Whether you're looking to discuss attachment issues, EMDR therapy, or any other specific aspect of your journey, you'll find a safe space to do so.

Remember, you're not alone in this. Many people here have walked similar paths and are ready to offer a listening ear and a compassionate heart. Together, we can support and uplift each other as we navigate the healing process.

Thank you for opening up and sharing a bit of your story. Feel free to reach out whenever you need to. You're in a community that understands and cares.

Take care.

 

[Friday]

As was told me once?

Welcome to our leaky boat! Grab a bucket & start bailing!

Best piece of knowledge I have to kick? Is this >>> The ptsd cup explanation

Welcome aboard.

 

[Undavnted]

As was told me once?

Welcome to our leaky boat! Grab a bucket & start bailing!

Best piece of knowledge I have to kick? Is this >>> The ptsd cup explanation

Welcome aboard.

I appreciate this. It's so concise. Imagine military training, but six months instead of one, and instead of building you back up after breaking you down, they forget about you in a ward for a few months and then kick you out when you poke your head back up. I don't mean to be a whining person. It's just nice to be able to say this with the anger it deserves to be narrated by. It feels good to be able to admit I've suffered a disgrace. It's... validating.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum:)

 

[DharmaGirl]

Welcome! Lots of good people and stuff here.

 

[Survivor3]

Hello @Undavnted , just found your thread. I was also the type of person to just grit my teeth and tough it out. I didn't know any different. And I literally didn't have the communication skills and intellect to know how to admit to other people that I "was completely f*cked up,...Fubar".

Keeping all your problems, thoughts and emotions bottled up just Leeds to mental illness. I got better when I found a professional counselor and eventually the right meds. Stopped drinking and smoking aswell. Up until that point it was just a horror show.

There are some very supportive people here. Look around, take in the stories and experiences, ask questions etc...and get your thoughts out there from your own head. And remember, although people's experiences may be different, the symptoms are transferable!

 

[NicoleMarie]

Hi,

I'm new here. Started therapy recently and things are starting to get difficult now that I'm being more open about what's under the hood. Attachment issues, regression, obsessive self-doubt ("vicious inner critic"?), depressive symptoms. Asked myself how much more I needed to suffer before I admitted my pain was real, and now I have some renewed confidence for now. So I decided to post something in case someone could relate. So hello cool world.

Joined the military only to be thrown in a medical ward for months, then failed out. They left me injured, and I pretty much didn't admit to myself that it changed me, like down to who I am/was. Now I'm climbing up therapy mountain with a great EMDR specialist/adjustment counselor and things seem to get rougher. I'm the guy who always wanted to numb/tough it out. Doing the opposite is hard, but probably a good thing.

Thanks for listening

The fact that you’re in therapy, especially EMDR, gives me so much hope for you. I started it two years ago and it has helped me more than I can say. It was rough at first & still is at times, but the changes I see in my life & mental health are worth it. I don’t know you but I’m proud of you none the less. Accepting help and finding communities where you’re supported is a huge deal. Welcome aboard !

 

[Undavnted]

The fact that you’re in therapy, especially EMDR, gives me so much hope for you. I started it two years ago and it has helped me more than I can say. It was rough at first & still is at times, but the changes I see in my life & mental health are worth it. I don’t know you but I’m proud of you none the less. Accepting help and finding communities where you’re supported is a huge deal. Welcome aboard !

Thanks. It's new for me not just defaulting to saying "I'm fine." and thinking "because I don't have symptoms right this second, I'm doing great all of the time/generally." Being intentional about my feelings, and documenting them.

I'll just share that social situations, esp. with men (PS am a guy) have drained me unusually since that previous time, and usually afterward there's just a small child who wants to be cuddled or soothed. I irrationally worry about being abandoned and get momentary rushes of primal fear, even when I'm alone peacefully. Getting cat's eyes in random, normal situations. Weird things like that. Often just wanting to curl up under a weighted blanket. So much of my energy has been spent on admitting to myself that this *has been* something, and not just "normal people antics". I'm always doubting myself, like there's a voice inside telling me I'm "just being overdramatic". *sigh*

But I really appreciate you listening.

 

[NicoleMarie]

Thanks. It's new for me not just defaulting to saying "I'm fine." and thinking "because I don't have symptoms right this second, I'm doing great all of the time/generally." Being intentional about my feelings, and documenting them.

I'll just share that social situations, esp. with men (PS am a guy) have drained me unusually since that previous time, and usually afterward there's just a small child who wants to be cuddled or soothed. I irrationally worry about being abandoned and get momentary rushes of primal fear, even when I'm alone peacefully. Getting cat's eyes in random, normal situations. Weird things like that. Often just wanting to curl up under a weighted blanket. So much of my energy has been spent on admitting to myself that this *has been* something, and not just "normal people antics". I'm always doubting myself, like there's a voice inside telling me I'm "just being overdramatic". *sigh*

But I really appreciate you listening.

I can relate to every bit of that. I’m usually a high energy person but there are times when I could curl up on the couch for days, which makes me feel lazy and guilty. PTSD is an ever changing condition so I try to keep in mind that “this too shall pass.”

 

[Undavnted]

I can relate to every bit of that. I’m usually a high energy person but there are times when I could curl up on the couch for days, which makes me feel lazy and guilty. PTSD is an ever changing condition so I try to keep in mind that “this too shall pass.”

See, that's all so new to me. Something changing, unstable, non-rational. I'm used to everything wanting to make sense. Math, straight lines. But this doesn't work like normal, physical things. I'm so glad to hear that this is something other people understand. The idea of doubting your own suffering, while literally suffering. Even mentally torturing yourself and then not believing you're in pain, or that one's pain is legitimate. It's downright bizarre.

 

[NicoleMarie]

See, that's all so new to me. Something changing, unstable, non-rational. I'm used to everything wanting to make sense. Math, straight lines. But this doesn't work like normal, physical things. I'm so glad to hear that this is something other people understand. The idea of doubting your own suffering, while literally suffering. Even mentally torturing yourself and then not believing you're in pain, or that one's pain is legitimate. It's downright bizarre.

I’ve never considered myself much of a rational thinker. Math is my lifelong enemy and I’m a nurse so I had to battle it during school, lol. My strong suit is English & literature which comes in handy when researching my mental health struggles. There are so many great books that really helped me understand that I’m not alone. The Body Keeps the Score & What Happened to You are in my top two (my PTSD is due to childhood abuse). There’s a lot of information out there but you can kinda sift through it & find out what resonates with you.