New Job

[BDAR]

How do you balance working, self-care and daily chores at home? I have not worked in 2 years and I have am only working 2 days a week. I cannot keep up with anything. The house is a mess, my self-care is gone and I feel like I am always playing catch up around the house now. I also have fibro and have osteo arthritis in my knee (I need a new knee but they say I am to young 50+) Anyway, both slow me down.

I am just finding working 2 days a week I am tired when I get home. Not much gets done other then make dinner and flop on the couch. My self care has gone out the window, I do not seem to have time for it. Because I am getting behind on just keeping up with the house and laundry while I am at work, I am having to pack more into the 3 days I am off. This is causing tension which is causing my fibro to act up which is causing me to not be able to do as much which is putting me further behind. Now I am finding my PTSD is acting up and I am find myself tense in the neck and shoulder and I am grinding my teeth and clenching my jaws at night.. This is giving me head aches.

Here is what is going on

The story - I caught myself today telling myself that no ones likes me. This is my story based on no truth what so ever.

Negative self-talk - I also seem to be very negative towards myself again. Beating myself up because I am only working 2 days a week and cannot handle it.

Moody - I seem to be getting moody again. Snapping at people, bouncing between being fine and feeling down (not sure if it is saness or depression).

Feeling tire all the time. I feel tired all the time.

No desire to do anything. I am having to talk myself into doing chores around the house. I am also starting things and not finishing them.

Triggered I was triggered by a blog my cousin wrote about Romeo Dallaire, he was a soldier who got PTSD and almost killed himself. Now he has a book, does a bunch of speaking engagements and talks his ptsd. It reminded me of my PTSD and how much it hurt to live a double life. The life at work where I handled battle damaged tanks and helped repair them, the things I saw and smelled and how hard it was to come home and deal with kids arguing about nothing important and a husband complaining about how horrible his work day was. I had to pretend to care which felt so wrong because in reality I did not care about those unimportant little things.

In my head I have gone deep into my head over the past few days. I think about the past, cry and hurt. I am over thinking everything. I am thinking about my human rights case with my x-employer hoping for a decision soon.

I feel like I am shutting down. I am afraid of these feeling. I was doing so well.

 

[Pakadlangitok]

(((Bdar)))) You are amazing for working. I am not able to work. And I am not too good with stuff around house and chores. My room reflects my chaos. And guess what? People really DO have trouble liking me because I dress weird. Cannot help it.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I can't work either. Maybe the stress is too much for you.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

How do you balance working, self-care and daily chores at home?

Patience with yourself.

I also have chronic pain and if I vaccuum I cant walk after.

I dont do anything big before work for pain reasons but I do small stuff every day so one day I may dust some, keep putting dishes in dishwasher as i use them (or wash as you use it), next day I may sweep, next day mop. Day off is laundry and vaccuuming & if i need to deep clean the carpet I break the 2 up on different days. I do a light vaccuum right before but the main deep vaccuuming is done the day before.

The best thing I can advise is do small stuff every day and it stays rather clean so it doesnt run you over in your days off.

And be very patient with yourself. Know you cant do as much as before. Understand physical limitations. And I had to let go control. I used to obsessively clean due to my mom but i had to release a lot of that and come to terms with the fact that my kitchen wont stay spotless, my bathroom wont stay spotless, and my floors wont be so clean someone could eat off of it and thats ok. Most people dont have a magazine cover clean house. You know?

You can do this! :hug:

 

[BDAR]

(((Bdar)))) You are amazing for working. I am not able to work. And I am not too good with stuff...

I do not feel very amazing right now. I do not think family understands how difficult it is for us to do things. I am sorry you cannot work, it is hard. I was off work for over 2 years and it is difficult returning to work. I really would like this to work out. I try to remember, to look at smaller tasks rather then the whole thing. For example, break it down, instead of looking at the whole house as a mess, I try hard to look at one task, unload the dishwasher. Then another task, load the dishwasher. That was not working this morning.

 

[BDAR]

Patience with yourself.

I also have chronic pain and if I vaccuum I cant walk after.

I dont...

Thanks you so much for your vote of confidence. Thank you for reminding me I need to stop saying I hope I can do this and start saying I can do this.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I need to stop saying I hope I can do this and start saying I can do this.

Yes you can!

Ive learned that saying "I cant" is counter productive as one tends to believe what one tells oneself. So you say "i cant" and you believe it. Start saying "I can" and you begin to learn you can do way more then ever thought possible.

You can do this! :hug:

 

[SpiritFree]

May I suggest to everyone that before jumping into a full time job. It is better to start with a part time job. Look at me, I regret it. I am struggling right now. I have a full time job with my county which I started 3 weeks ago. I am barely surviving there. I have notified my doctor because I am making alot of mistakes due to I cannot process verbal instructions sometimes, I am getting double vision, extreme fatigue and having trouble even with written instruction. Now to top it all off, my coworker asked me if I was all right because she saw my eyes rolling side to side rapidly as I was moving my head. My doctor wants to take more exam, however I need for her to comprehend that I am unable to last 9 hours in that office making mistakes. I have an appointment with my doctor next Monday.

Looking back perhaps it was wise if I got a part time job just to get my feet wet after 4 years of not working. I think for many of us, we need to see what is best for us. Perhaps jumping into a part time is best and for some are just unable to be employed.

@BDAR - I understand the "Negative Talk" and being "Tired" is because that is me. My apartment is a pig sty. Just remember your not alone.