General New To This Forum But I Love Him

[love_Branch]

my fiance has ptsd..im only 18 hes 25 everyone around me keeps telling me that i can do better i cant handel it hes crazy hes not right for you, but i love him with all my heart and i know he loves me but i need some advice what i can do to help him. what i can to to calm him down to support him. to show him i am here for him forever...i dont know what to do its confuseing and sadning. i love him so much and i am willing to go through anything to be with him.

Advice?

 

[Vickym]

Love Branch,

Welcome to the forum. People around you are not going to understand why you are in the relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 now and I still here the same things from people. What it comes down to is it takes a strong person to be with someone that has ptsd. The best thing you can do is read as much as you can on ptsd and understand it. It is tough. My boyfriend still has a hard time letting me help him because no one ever did before so he doesn't know how to handle me at times. I will tell you this support him let him know you are there but try not to put pressure on him. Good luck!

 

[Shoka]

Dear Love Branch,

Welcome to the forum. I agree with Vickym, learn all you can about PTSD. Be sure to think about how you will take care of yourself. It can be very draining to support someone with PTSD. People tell you that you can do better because they love you and want you to be happy, but it is your life and your issues to deal with.

Take care of yourself. Learn what makes you happy, and what brings you peace and be sure to do them. I always try to remember that I can not change a person in any way shape or form. I can only change myself and sometimes that's difficult.

Peace to you,
Shoka

 

[Frankie]

Hi Love Branch,

Being with someone with PTSD is very very hard and draining at times. You need to be very strong and accept that there will be rough times ahead. And most importantly do not think you can "cure" him.

If you are both committed to the relationship it can work and can be so rewarding.

People that are telling you the he is crazy or you can do better....is maybe because they don't know about the disorder and they think it is something that can be cured or is all in their "head". These same people will never understand. It, it can't be cured....but it can be controlled.

It is a very serious mental disorder that affects not only the one having it but those around him. Many are on medications and see a therapist and that helps a lot.

There will be times where you might think you are going crazy yourself...that you don't understand and it can be very frustrating. Learn as much as you can about PTSD...learn through him what triggers him and what doesn't. Give him space when he needs it. Respect and understand that sometimes he will not want to talk to you or do things with you.

Those that are controlling their PTSD can be the best partners and can handle their relationships very very well. There are so many here that have a rewarding relationship.

Frankie

 

[enlightenme]

Frankie, an angel in disguise!!

Frankie,

Your post was such an encouragement. I identify with the young lady who started this thread and your words seemed to be speaking directly to me. As of right now my Veteran and I haven't really spoken much about his PTSD, it's only recently (DUH!) dawned on me that so many of these behaviors that I've been allowing to injur me on a personal level are not my veteran but PTSD. Anyhow, your advice to give him space is exactly what I needed to hear. I hope that someday my veteran and I will be able to identify his triggers and deal accordingly. Confrontation appears to be the only one that I can identify right now, after reading these and looking back, I feel quite terrible that it's taken me this long to research and learn about what behaviors are associated with PTSD. It's so much deeper then the DSM's description!

Thank you again Frankie!
Namaste.