No Desire For Intimacy

[kxCobra]

:hug: kxCobra :hug:
First of all, WELCOME to the Forum! You have found a really special place w...

Thank you for your in depth response! I really appreciate it!!

Yea I understand that it is probably that I am outgrowing them. And I do have a Therapist, I definitely will be talking to her about this Wednesday lol!

I agree with you on all aspects, especially the part about the guy. This is probably the first time I'm really getting intimate with someone, so it is definitely absolutely terrifying. I've been taking it slow just because I was worried that it was just to "score," as you said, and even went to lengths to have a talk with him about it. I explained I wasn't looking to hook up and that I wasn't in the business to be one of four other girls, and he reassured me he wasn't looking to hook up with anyone in our friend group, so we re assumed me spending the night there occasionally. It's a really weird situation honestly, and after watching him flirt with my suite mate I don't think it is a situation I really want to continue.

I don't know, I never really looked for a support group. I really like the idea though, I definitely will look into that!

Again thank you for your response! I really appreciate all aspects of it, good vibes your way! :)

 

[Friday]

As far as the "friend".. Friends don't do that. They simply... Don't.

I'd say it depends, really.

Friends can also be rivals; romantically, professionally, academically, etc. Coming to someone and being up front about their intentions / I'm setting my cap for this bloke, can either be a mark of friendship or the opening volley in a war, depending on the intent.

But I agree with you really strongly, in that we get to choose our friends. Not everyone does the friendly rivals, and that's fair, too. I just have to work really hard at allowing for shades of grey. (See below ;)). Just because I don't like someone? Doesn't mean that they have ill intent. Can, in fact, have the best of intentions and be being as honorable as they know. Still doesn't mean I have to like them, or want them as friends. Just that "right sizing" thing.

I guess my question is when you guys get triggered by something like this, how do you get over it and want other people back in your life?

Sounds like whatever the intent? "Shit just got complicated, so kiss my f*cking ass, I don't want you for a friend or you as a maybe boyfriend, I'm out. Done. Finis." >.< Go. Away. <<< Isn't me being triggered. It's me being stressed out. And when I'm stressed out, I don't do complicated. Period. Life & death. Mine & not mine. Black & white. Simple. Simple I grok. Complicated makes my brain grind to a screeching halt, and fall out of my head, and the world can f*cking burn for all I care. Granted, if the world were actually burning? Lol. I'd probably be just fine! :wtf: Backwards damn disorder. Anyhow, point being, people are very very rarely simple. In order for me to "do" people? I have to either have my own life squared away & my stress reeeeally low... Or the world has to be on fire.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Isn't me being triggered. It's me being stressed out. And when I'm stressed out, I don't do complicated.

Self-care, self-reliance, honoring how we feel, with NO apologies...THAT'S what being mentally, and emotionally "healthy" is!

 

[somerandomguy]

Men aren't really that mature yet.

Hmmmmmm ... just men? Seems like kxCobra's experience shows that neither men or women at that age are very mature, don't you think?

 

[PointlessExistence]

Hmmmmmm ... just men? Seems like kxCobra's experience shows that neither men or women at that age are very mature, don't you think?

Whether men are more immature or not, there's the aggression factor. Even if they aren't necessarily less mature as a whole, their immaturity is much more dangerous.

 

[Thizette]

I'm so sick of being everyone's Mom

Be your own mom.

That might sound silly, but think about it.

You had an abusive childhood, right? Me too. But I'm willing to be at some point you had a friend who's mom always knew what to say, or maybe a TV mom that you adored. When you start to feel bad, down on yourself, or are experiencing tough times, take advice from that TV mom and give it to yourself. Parent yourself. This is so important for those of us with shitty parents/family. Love yourself. Give yourself a gold star when you've done something kind or have made good grades. When you're disappointed in yourself, give yourself a talking-to about how to do better next time. Set expectations and recognize your progress towards your goals.

Don't be anyone else's mom.

If you don't want to be friends with someone, don't.

And that boy sounds like he's not worth your time and effort. Find a boy your inner-mom would approve of, or just be your own awesome self.

Don't settle.

 

[kxCobra]

Be your own mom.

That might sound silly, but think about it.

You had an abusive childhood, right?...

I see what you mean. I really like the idea of being my own mom. Thank you!!

And yea he probably isn't. Again, thank you for the advice!! :)

 

[somerandomguy]

there's the aggression factor. Even if they aren't necessarily less mature as a whole, their immaturity is much more dangerous.

Yeah, I'm calling bullshit on this. Women are just as dangerous as men are. Just because men are physically stronger doesn't make them more dangerous or more violent, period. You're using personal experiences to make an unfair generalization, and a bullshit one.

 

[PointlessExistence]

^^ Right, because women sexually assault men all the time. :rolleyes:

 

[kxCobra]

Yeah, I'm calling bullshit on this. Women are just as dangerous as men are. Just because men are p...

Look this subject is touchy for everyone involved and we are here to support each other through a healing process, and everyone's is different based on their experiences. I'm not agreeing or disagreeing, let's just drop it

 

[somerandomguy]

^^ Right, because women sexually assault men all the time. :rolleyes:

Yes, actually, they do. And frankly, it's terribly sad that you (and millions like you) don't recognize it.

Read and learn: The Understudied Female Sexual Predator

 

[digger]

let's just drop it

The OP has requested that this side discussion be dropped. @PointlessExistence and @somerandomguy please be mindful of keeping posts to this thread on topic. If you wish to continue the discussion please take it to PC or start a new thread. Thanks.