Hi guys. I am the wife a retired Marine who is now a police officer who has PTSD. And I could really use some advice or insight or really anything.......sorry that this is so long...
So a little back story. My husband retired in 2013 and we moved from Virginia to Missouri where I have family. When we got here we made the agreement that we would stay here atleast 5 years to let our oldest daughter start and finish high school in the same place. (She is a junior now and will graduate in May of 2018). He has family in Nebraska (7 hours from where we live now) and we had decided to move closer to his family after our oldest graduates. Our oldest is heavily involved in JROTC and drill teams and our youngest (she is a 7th grader) is very involved in competitive cheerleading at a gym here.
Shortly after we got here he started going to the law enforcement academy and working for the Sheriff's Department. After a year and a half he moved from the jail to the road as a deputy. After 8 months on the road he got into a little trouble and was moved to the courthouse as a baliff (which he hated). After a while at the courthouse he applied for and got a police officer job in another town 45 minutes away. In the beginning everything was great and he loved it but now all of the sudden he has decided he hates it and wants to move to Nebraska to work as a security guard/asset management for a retailer (which he has already applied for and had 2 phone interviews). When he finally told me about it, I asked him what about our deal to let Emily finish school and he responded that me and the girls could stay here and move in with my dad and he could go there and live with his aunt (FOR A YEAR AND A HALF)!!!
I am hurt and confused and angry and disappointed and I have no idea how to handle this. I feel like he is being selfish and self destructive. He has a horrible attitute when it comes to work, he doesn't even attempt to be friends or even really friendly with his co-workers. He doesn't participate in anything extra at work. Bascially the opposite of how he was when he was in the Marine Corps. I am hurt and disappointed that he is going back on our agreement. I am hurt that he would choose to leave me and the girls for a year and a half. I am angry that he is willing to leave us and miss so much of the girls lives (our oldest's senior year and our youngest's cheer stuff, etc.). When I try to discuss any of this with him he totally minimizes everything and acts like it will be this awesome thing for all of us. We have had some problems with infidelity in the past and I do not have 100% trust in him. Just within the last 6 months I caught him FB messaging a girl from work and another girl and I just can't imagine what would happen if we lived 7 hours apart. He has no impulse control and doesn't always make the best decisions.
I feel like this will destroy our marriage and he doesn't see it that way at all. He is happy about it and says that he needs this to be happy (which is even more hurtful). I understand that he thinks/believes that he needs this, but I don't think it will all work out in the end. I am afraid of what it will do to our marriage and our relatonship, I'm afraid the girls will resent him for missing so much by choice (especially after everything he missed while he was active duty) and I have no idea what to do.
Do I let him go and prepare for the worst?? Do I insisit that he stay and honor our agreement?? Do I give up??? I am at a loss and have no idea what to do...
Thanks for listening and any advice or insight anyone can give.
So a little back story. My husband retired in 2013 and we moved from Virginia to Missouri where I have family. When we got here we made the agreement that we would stay here atleast 5 years to let our oldest daughter start and finish high school in the same place. (She is a junior now and will graduate in May of 2018). He has family in Nebraska (7 hours from where we live now) and we had decided to move closer to his family after our oldest graduates. Our oldest is heavily involved in JROTC and drill teams and our youngest (she is a 7th grader) is very involved in competitive cheerleading at a gym here.
Shortly after we got here he started going to the law enforcement academy and working for the Sheriff's Department. After a year and a half he moved from the jail to the road as a deputy. After 8 months on the road he got into a little trouble and was moved to the courthouse as a baliff (which he hated). After a while at the courthouse he applied for and got a police officer job in another town 45 minutes away. In the beginning everything was great and he loved it but now all of the sudden he has decided he hates it and wants to move to Nebraska to work as a security guard/asset management for a retailer (which he has already applied for and had 2 phone interviews). When he finally told me about it, I asked him what about our deal to let Emily finish school and he responded that me and the girls could stay here and move in with my dad and he could go there and live with his aunt (FOR A YEAR AND A HALF)!!!
I am hurt and confused and angry and disappointed and I have no idea how to handle this. I feel like he is being selfish and self destructive. He has a horrible attitute when it comes to work, he doesn't even attempt to be friends or even really friendly with his co-workers. He doesn't participate in anything extra at work. Bascially the opposite of how he was when he was in the Marine Corps. I am hurt and disappointed that he is going back on our agreement. I am hurt that he would choose to leave me and the girls for a year and a half. I am angry that he is willing to leave us and miss so much of the girls lives (our oldest's senior year and our youngest's cheer stuff, etc.). When I try to discuss any of this with him he totally minimizes everything and acts like it will be this awesome thing for all of us. We have had some problems with infidelity in the past and I do not have 100% trust in him. Just within the last 6 months I caught him FB messaging a girl from work and another girl and I just can't imagine what would happen if we lived 7 hours apart. He has no impulse control and doesn't always make the best decisions.
I feel like this will destroy our marriage and he doesn't see it that way at all. He is happy about it and says that he needs this to be happy (which is even more hurtful). I understand that he thinks/believes that he needs this, but I don't think it will all work out in the end. I am afraid of what it will do to our marriage and our relatonship, I'm afraid the girls will resent him for missing so much by choice (especially after everything he missed while he was active duty) and I have no idea what to do.
Do I let him go and prepare for the worst?? Do I insisit that he stay and honor our agreement?? Do I give up??? I am at a loss and have no idea what to do...
Thanks for listening and any advice or insight anyone can give.
