No More Words

[Lmm]

I've posted a couple times on here already...been a couple weeks I think. My fiancé decided one day (about a month ago) he no longer could deal with my ex husband (father of my first son). We also have a son together . My fiancé served two tours in Iraq and has been diagnosed with PTSD. He's had many struggles with it in the past, but he used to be so strong with everything. And him and my son used to be so close. Now he's ready to permanently dismiss him. He says it's not his PTSD that he just can't deal with it anymore. Ugh, thoughts? I just don't even know what to think about any of it anymore other than that it really sucks.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Now he's ready to permanently dismiss him

If this is conveying your son by the x-H and your current fiance position for his step-father skill set...I am truly sorry for your son. I am of the old adage...luv me, my dog and my pick-up truck as we are a package deal.:clown: Consider your current flame is dissing your x and doesn't want to deal with him as he isn't what a good Dad (?), so he is going to balance the family by not being a step-Dad?

Am I understanding this right? :O_o: Big hugs for you in any case:hug:if you accept them.

 

[shimmerz]

I understand this issue through my own filter. Can I ask for clarity on this statement?

And him and my son used to be so close. Now he's ready to permanently dismiss him

I am guessing you are saying that your fiancé is dismissing your son?

Is your ex attacking your fiancé either through your son or otherwise?

 

[Lmm]

@Recovery4Me no he is done with me and my son...he looks at the packaged deal as also including my ex husband . The trigger was my ex husband doing some updates on his house (I pay him child support which my fiancé hates) and my son making some cards for his dad. He feels my ex husband is winning and that my son doesn't love us as much as my ex husband.

@shimmerz he is ending everything with me and my son because he hates my ex husband. My ex husband does try to get under our skin but this has been going on since we met. And he does it because he's jealous of my fiancé. So they both have jealousy issues with each other and me and my son are the ones that lose in the situation.

 

[anonymous]

I would try to be as mindful as possible as to how this is affecting your son as he's the most vulnerable person in this whole dynamic. These kinds of conflicts often have the most impact on the lives of the children, and the full impact isn't always seen...

 

[Lmm]

Agreed, that is the hardest part about this. My son doesn't remember a time without my fiancé and now he's going to lose him completely.

 

[Born to Run]

What I miss in your post is your role in this situation. You describe it very fatalistic, as this is what is will happen and your fiancé has decided to end his relationship with you, and your ex-husband has been trying to get under your skin all the time since you are with your fiancé.
Could you speak with both ADULT men and tell them what YOU want and accept from them, and work out a situation that is basically a good compromise for all involved? Take control of the situation? Maybe this is what you have done already, and I apologise if that is the case, but it is just not something I feel present in your post.

 

[moonbeam]

I'm confused. In your other thread you had a son where the two of you are the biological parents. So is there 2 sons? And how is he treating them both in interactions?

Last month you said he hadn't given you a timeline but now he would like you out soon?

No offense I do think he should consider you, your son and you ex a packaged deal. Your ex is your son's father (I'm guessing since the child support) so will always be in your son's life and yours to a lesser degree. That doesn't mean he should leave. Just that it is smart to assume that it is a package deal and act accordingly.

Without knowing him it is hard to say if this is his PTSD or just him deciding he doesn't want the stress. PTSD does make stress worse. But as sufferers we do end some relationships for other reasons.

I think Born to Run has great advice. Sorry if I am not super helpful I am trying to puzzle this all out.

Has he said anything to your son(s?) directly?

 

[Lmm]

What you said makes a lot of sense
,unfortunately I'm dealing with an unreasonable ex husband who's goal it is to make my life difficult and a fiancé who while is a wonderful man is also right now not in a reasonable state of mind. Which is the dilemma at hand. I have and his family has tried to talk to him about everything but he has made up his mind that my ex is too much too handle.

 

[Lmm]

I have a son with my ex husband and one with my fiancé. We have been engaged two and a half years. I moved in when we got engaged and our son together is almost eighteen months. When we started dating my ex husband got very jealous and started making things difficult. My fiancé said that he knew it would be a long road but wanted me, him and my son to be a family. One day he just changed his mind.

 

[shimmerz]

And he does it because he's jealous of my fiancé.

Looking at this through my filter, which is a very hued one, I have had this problem consistently with my boys' father. He has done everything he can to destroy every relationship I have ever had. I didn't realize how difficult it was for my partners. You should be allowed to have a relationship without the interference of your ex. I have to say, for me, it has not gotten better. I would suggest that you get yourself some counseling first, your son perhaps later when you know what you are up against, so that you can see clearly what is happening. If your fiance is being harassed in any way then I must say, he is correct in getting out. I am sorry....my perspective - based on my experience. Mine is not necessarily the same as yours. :hug::hug: