No-one Likes Me And No-one Cares

[Anna]

Does anyone else feel like? Like noone likes you and noone cares? Even close family and friends? Worst is when you are fighting it as a paranoid delusion, and then it gets reinforced by people ignoring you or never having any time.

Today I wanted to speak to a close family member. This person lives abroad. I rarely speak to them. They lied telling me they had to go soon, so that they did not have to speak to me. Even though I only ever make small chit chat, asking how they are. They never ever ask how I am in return..... It seems to be one way. Anyway, they did not have to go and when I made a sarcastic comment that I was not feeling too good today, and thank you for asking (which they did not). No reply. I did not bother after that. However, I feel pretty bad. I feel so alone.

I have my own family who I love and care about. They care about me and that is what keeps me going. It just makes me so sad that those family I cared for and friends it is all one way.

Sometimes I feel so alone. I feel like noone cares, and most of the time this is reinforced. People are so rude and egocentric. You care and they just don't give a s***. If I am not at work around my collegues this feeling gets worse. I hate and dread the holidays because of this.

 

[Srain]

I've had my share of this and with my own family not too long ago. My Sister-IL called and her sole intent was to get me meet up and reconcile with my mother though I had made it clear to my brother that was not where I was at. I had wanted to see them and the kids but not once did she ask how we were doing (my husband had been "fired", it was actually a pretty stressful time for us), as she pushed me I finally told her about my husband and she blew off, "Oh he is always getting fired!" This is somewhat true, his workplace harasses the workers a lot but the lack of interest hit me hard. I finally stopped her end of the conversation, had my say regarding my mother and suddenly they were too busy with plans set for a year out! Yes, my feelings were crushed.

Then a friend defriended me. Another friend told me that her minutes were limited so that was why she wasn't calling me. I understand how you feel. I go through feeling alone at times and like nobody wants to be around me. I think that is part of the symptoms but also that is just part of the evolution. These are not people that fit in my life going forward. Do I want people that blow me off when I listen to them for hours on end and truly care? No. I really want my energy to go to my loved ones and new people where there is a give and take.

I want recovery. People that are not afraid of discussing PTSD and the symptoms as well as what it is like for Supporters. I want to be able to talk freely. At the same time I want to be able to take my space without it being some major drama. OMG, I'm taking over post, I'm terribly sorry. I hope this is helpful, if not please disregard completely.

Please take care,
Peace and healing,
Rain

 

[TheLost]

Yes, I know exactly how you feel. None of my friends bother with me, bar one. And one only phones to moan about her own life which is a breeze compared to mine. My brother and neice never speak to me or ask how I am and have actually been very nasty and called me crazy. This new year Ive decided to take a stand and not bother with anyone. Only those who have stood by me. Im not going to be "there" for anyone anymore and just concentrate on getting myself better. Stuff everyone who cannot be bothered to give me the time of day. Im angry at being treated like this but Im not going to let it get me down either. Maybe one day, some of these so called friends will find themselves in a situation and realise how crappy they've been. Your true friends will stick with you. THough its crappy finding out how few and far between they actually are these days. I think a lot of us are in this position and just remember, the people on here know how it is and are here for you.

 

[Anna]

I am a strong believer in karma as well. They on their high horse fall harder so to speak.

 

[TheLost]

THat's true....I've seen a few fall already. Not that I take any pleasure from anyones misfortune but I always think to myself, see, life has a way of tripping you up sometimes, so you shouldn't cast aside people who were supposed to be your friends because one day, you might need them. But the good thing is that you've found this forum and no one here would treat you badly. Even though its just online, I think it makes a difference to have people to speak to that know exactly where you're comming from even just to share experiences and know you're not the only one....take care.

 

[Lucycat]

I get this too.

But - and it is a big but- I also know that the response depends on ME.

When I feel that no-one gives a stuff, I act differently. My head goes down, I look at my feet, I avoid eye contact, I don't answer the phone. If colleagues ask a question I answer with as few words as possible. I don't encourage conversation.

So why should they make an effort when I make it clear to them, that at that particular time, I am making no effort myself?

I realise that other people might be offended by this, and I am sorry. I am talking about MY experiences and MY life. Of course it will be different for everyone, and I am judging no-one.

When I feel that no-one cares about me, the first thing I have to do is show them that I am prepared to care about myself. I know it is easier said than done, and I spent my entire childhood thinking I had no friends. Therapy has made me acknowledge that I have some very good, loyal, trusted long-standing friendships that I previously did not give enough attention to.

 

[maddog]

Coming in a little late on this thread, but it reminded me of a semi humorous, semi genuine, thing that a friend of mine says... he refers to it as the 15-minute rule, which dictates that when in conversation with a "friend" or "acquaintance", if 15 minutes of the conversation have passed and the other person hasn't asked a single question about you/your life, it's time to ditch the friendship!!

A little simplistic of course, but the concept is fair enough.

The whole issue of maintaining friendships is a touchy and topical one for me, as with many of us I know. I find myself battling constantly against the negative tendency to isolate, distance myself and reject friendships, for no rational or discernible reason other than their sometimes overwhelming pressure and complexity to my world.

I am also aware that this can be a negative and reinforcing spiral - I often feel as though I have only "fair weather" friendships, people who are there for me when the going is smooth, and have no interest in the sticky or difficult bits.

But if I am honest, I recognize that I tend to facilitate such a relationship - I tend to connect and interact with people when things are going ok for me, and to withdraw more and more the worse things are for me, thereby giving them no choice but to be only "fair weather" supporters.

There's no easy answer, but I do believe that self awareness and honesty about our own role in creating and maintaining human connections is the first step.

Maddog

 

[Deleted member 1860]

No one cares....UNLESS it's about them!

So yes, I agree with you.

I have a friend (well, had a friend, kicked her and her selfish arse to the curb!) who is all into HERSELF! She never gives a damn about anyone else, but when it comes to her, she expects everyone to cater to her every whim. Her SO will do anything and everything she says. Her best friend won't do anything without her! I finally figured out why I clashed with her so much...'cuz it's all about her, and while I am a supportive person, I don't coddle, baby, or follow others. But, she expects it while NEVER giving back.

Gee, I think I went off on a ranting tangent. But I think you get my point, lol.

 

[Optimist]

I am so glad to find this site!!! Just last week I kept thinking to myself.....why do people not like me? I am always the one to say hello first and ask how they're doing but most of these so called friends never ask me a single question!! I too have lost all my friends, just recently lost my job and almost lost my marriage (but thank god my dear H stood by me and is extremely supportive now). I am so glad to find out I am not alone!!!

I am new to this site....actually just found it yesterday and have been reading all the posts with great interest!! I have not been dx with PTSD yet every one of my symptoms and episodes have been described in many of the posts I have read.

My traumatic event took place 50 years ago when I was 4. I witnessed my brothers and father physically abuse my mother. They would tie her hands and gag her. I thought she was going to die!! Then at the age of 10 I was sent away to a boarding school and lived away from my parents ever since....majority of my teenage years were spent living with my married sister and BIL. I have been on antidepressants for about 15yrs. I have tried to give them up but end up having way too many angry outbursts; so I always go back to them. Is it possible that I was misdiagnosed with clinical depression? Do they both have the same symptoms?

 

[heidi]

Well I am alone a lot. Sometimes it makes me sad, but I don't feel like I have what it takes to maintain relationships. I have had very loyal, supportive people in my life before and I always feel like I hide to some extent. I feel like I don't deserve their love or compassion and that I can only stand being the recipient for so long. When someone says nice things to me.. I dislike it because I feel it's false.
I think this really stems though from a move when I was 13. I labeled myself a loner, and a reject, and believed that something was wrong with me and felt embarrassed of that. I still do..

 

[PerfectlyFlawed]

I do feel like that at times. Before my traumatic event, I was very trustful and loved being social. However, since my traumatic event, I would rather stay in and not be social, as my trust in people has gone away.

I used to be very naive which made people prey on me and use me.

There is nothing wrong with being socially isolated. It gives you time to heal and deal with your trauma. It slows life down a little bit. One thing that I benifit from is the lack of drama. Especially of you are a woman, some women live for drama.

Being isolated is peaceful. I used to think being a loner meant I was a loser. There is nothing wrong. It shows you have a life...And you get used to being more independent!

Hope this helps,
PerfectlyFlawed

 

[Billyray]

I have felt like no one really likes me or really ever has. So bizarre.