Not Coping Very Well Today

[SharkyorBones]

Hey,

I dont really know where to begin but for the past couple of days I havent been coping very well. Ive been having nightmares again, I guess some emotional flashbacks and im forgetting to take care of myself again.

My therapist taught me self soothing techniques but I just dont use them. I dont know why, I know that they work but I keep hoping to be able to rely on someone else for support and of course there is no one.
I am incredibly overwhelmed right now and I think my fiancee and my mother are triggering me but I cant exactly pinpoint it.

Is it wrong to look to someone else for support? Yesterday I kept having panic attacks or rather the beginnings of them. I just wanted to cry and scream but I had to look after my younger sister so I couldnt get any relief and when my mother got home I just slept. Had several nightmares last night and a broken sleep.

I dont know why im feeling like this.. I feel detached somewhat. Anxious. Unnerved. I feel alone and almost as though Im not real in this world.
Im beginning to wonder if meds would help? Each day is getting harder.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@SharkyorBones firstly a warm :hug: if you accept it.

Medication can be really useful to lower your anxiety and subsequent panic attacks. It would be worth investigating this with your GP.

Take care and remember to look after yourself.

Kindest regards.

Laurie

 

[SharkyorBones]

Thank you Laurie and a warm hug would be just the thing right now... I dont very often have panic attacks... I dont realky get anxious like this either. But lately I feel more overwhelmed than I ever have in my life. My usual problem is feeling low and depressed and rarely suicidal so this anxiety is new to me. I guess the best thing for it is to visit the doctors on monday and get this sorted.

 

[arfie]

Small steps, Sharky. You are growing an awareness of what is going on and what to do about it. That is an all important step, all by itself.

No, I do not believe it is wrong to look to other people for support. I, personally, needed to examine my expectations of the support I was looking to other people for. I, strictly personal, was expecting other people to know more about my needs than I know myself. I was looking to others to do what I need to do for myself. Repeat, strictly personal.

Gentle support while you sort your own.

 

[SharkyorBones]

Thank you Arfie. My t spoke with me about what is reasonable and I guess my expectations of support are not unreasonable but of the people I ask it of it is ubrealistic and quite impossible. So ultimately I have to get back into self soothing and speak to my gp to look at what my options are. I have to take my sister to a funfair today though so itll have to wait until I get back.

 

[Friday]

The less I depend on luck, the more I have.

For example... I love to be jumped on the moment I get home. Full attention, loved on, so thrilled you're back!

Now, that's not a reasonable thing to expect of people... Not every durn time I leave. So several years back when I was all out of sorts at not being swept into arms like I'd just returned from the wars... I got a dog. Totally reasonable thing to expect of a dog. (You've returned! From the grocery store unharmed! You brilliant, lovely, thing, you! What's this? And you've managed to return with food? Clever. So clever of you. So thoughtful.)

Wanting to be jumped on isn't the only reason I got him, but it was one of the reasons. And, yep! Not only does the dog lose his ever loving mind when I walk through the door... But more often than not, the people in the house were thrilled to see me, too (or needing my attention. Ah being needed, almost as good as being wanted). Before I got my dog either people simply didn't care when I arrived, or I didn't notice in comparison to how often they were leading their lives and not noticing me at all. Because they're people. Not dogs. If all is as it should be, they shouldn't be breathlessly awaiting my return. They should be living their own lives. It just so happened, that as I solved a problem, it ceased to be one.

This pretty much holds true in all areas of my life. If I depend on luck, I won't have any. If I do the work? Then I have luck in spades.

Meaning if I'm depending on others for my emotional monitoring and regulation? Pshaw. Ain't gonna happen. If I'm sorting myself out, and don't need it... Then I can revel in all the times it's there for me, instead of despairing when isn't.

 

[SharkyorBones]

You're right Friday.

I guess even just making this post has helped me to motivate myself. I am alone and thats ok.

I won myself a teddy at the funfair today so later I'll have a cup of tea, a cry and a cuddle with winnie the pooh (I definitely have not grown up) as for the anxiety and nightmares I guess all I can do is ground myself and try to figure out whats triggering me.

 

[SharkyorBones]

Thank you every one for your replies and kind words

 

[Kefira]

Totally reasonable thing to expect of a dog. (You've returned! From the grocery store unharmed! You brilliant, lovely, thing, you! What's this? And you've managed to return with food? Clever. So clever of you. So thoughtful.)

I seriously just almost died squirting water out of my nose. Perfect.

@SharkyorBones I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better.

I have the same problem with being alone. And I typically have unrealistic expectations of people as a result. I don't think it's bad to want to look to other people, but it becomes problematic logistically speaking if we can't take care of ourselves.

Sounds like you've got a lot of your coping mechanisms figured out and are implementing them. Proud of you.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I have a problem using some of my strategies too but not because I am looking for support elsewhere, I just have a problem implementing them. So I know at least how that feels. I think it's natural to want someone there to comfort your or support you. Unfortunately, people can't always be there so you have to find ways to help yourself. I think cuddling with a teddy bear is a great idea. Crying isn't a bad thing either. Both are ways to release emotions so you are on the right track. Keep up the good work.

 

[Wastinglight]

Totally reasonable thing to expect of a dog. (You've returned! From the grocery store unharmed! You brilliant, lovely, thing, you! What's this? And you've managed to return with food? Clever. So clever of you. So thoughtful.)

Goddamn that's funny. You make my day every time I read one of your posts @FridayJones...

Hugs to you @SharkyorBones. I'm not PTSD (although my therapist says many of my symptoms are "PTSD-like"), but I can relate. I know I look to others to fill me up and make things better, even though I realise that I'm the only one who can do that. Like yourself, I've been taught techniques that I don't use. Don't know why. Hope things are getting better today :-)

 

[RussH]

@SharkyorBones may I be so bold as to ask some hard questions? The purpose of these questions are not in a anyway a judgement, but suggestions on things you can ask yourself to pinpoint your motivation.
Are you not using the soothing techn iques and choosing to depend on others because having the care gives you a sense of worth?
Having others provide you support and care; does it validate you as a person?
I guess what I am asking is what need in you is so strong that you will not use the soothing techniques, in hopes that someone else will give you support?

Again I am not, in any way passing judgement on you, in fact I completely empathize with you, and the need of human caring, and I hope these questions will help you find some answers within yourself.

As for the question about medications; yes they would help you get a handle on your anxiety.