Sufferer Not Quite Sure Where To Start

[Faerie]

Hello,

I joined here awhile ago, but I've just been perusing the forums til now. Figured I should start being more interactive and introduce myself. A bit of my history - I grew up in an abusive household where my brother was physically abusive and my mom was verbally and emotionally abusive. I also had sexual trauma when I was young (I say that because I don't know that it was intentional, so it might not have been 'technical' abuse, though I also have a nagging feeling that I've had sexual abuse that I was either too young to remember or have blocked out). I now have a good relationship with my brother, and am starting to have a better relationship with my mom - they are both very different from the people I grew up with, though my mom does still have her issues.

Last summer, I finally started to try to work through, or at least acknowledge, that I had some serious issues. It was hard, and slow going, but I started to process some of what I went through, and even trusted someone with that information, which I had only sorta done once before many years ago. I had a feeling I had PTSD, and that was confirmed recently by a therapist. Unfortunately, I'm only able to do email therapy, which so far hasn't been that great, but I guess it's better than nothing. I've only been doing it for about two months, and started it because I realized I had gone completely emotionally numb. I couldn't feel anything, happy or sad, just emptiness. I thought I was getting better, but apparently not. Actually, every time I feel like I'm getting better, I'll suddenly start feeling a lot worse (but hey, at least I have feelings again!), like right now, nightmares are back, can't get my head to pull away from all these awful scenarios, and I'm walking around feeling like I'm going to be sick because I don't even know why. All the while nobody has any idea what I'm going through inside and I have no idea how to cope with or manage any of this stuff :-/ But, I am hopeful. There have been enough times recently that I have felt great, like myself again, to know that it is possible for me to handle this, it'll just take time.

 

[SeanCharles]

Hello and welcome to the forum! At least you've come to a place where you will find good and friendly people who can relate to your situation indirectly at least if not directly. I'm pleased that you have written this introduction as it does show a step forward even if it is a baby step. Not having done email therapy before, I am sure that's a bit difficult as apposed to a face to face or even a video conference encounter. Hopefully you can find useful resources that are available here as well as make some friends too. Best wishes.

 

[Viosinger]

I was verbally & emotionally abused as well. Thanks for sharing, and welcome to the forum.

 

[onesie]

I too was verbally, psychologically, emotionally, and physically abused. I am glad you are on this forum ;) I haven't been a member for long. I have found an extreme amount of true support, and lots of insite. I hope you do too! Welcome

 

[katiekat]

I'm in almost the same boat as you, except my mom/parents were more neglectful than verbally abusive. Left me home with my abusive brother on a daily basis. I wish you happiness and healing!

 

[Faerie]

Thanks for the welcome everyone :) and good luck to all of you as well.

Geordie, I actually like how the email works out because I like writing a lot more than talking, but she just isn't very good at timely responses. I'd like to find new one, but it's hard to find someone who does online.

katiekat, there was a lot of neglect going on too, especially when I got older (er, and by older I mean like 12). Thankfully I had a good dad, tho henever realized the extent of what my mom and brother were doing or how it effected me.

 

[katiekat]

Ditto on having a good dad. My aunt and uncle also helped raise me, and luckily they lived down the street and I lived with them off and on.