Not The Guy I Fell For

[imisshim]

I am very, very confused, and looking for some input...

Not this past summer, but the one before it, I met an amazing guy. Becasue of the circumstances we did not end up dating immidately, but both fell for each other right away, and spent every day together. I went to BC to visit a friend and attend a wedding, and during the last few days of my trip he recieved his deployment notice, and would be leaving five days after I returned home.

Obviously I was devestated, and we spent ever second together for those five days, then he was gone. We went through alot while he was gone, and more after he returned, its been alomst a year now since he returned, and we were constantly having problems. I love him, and would do anything for him and to be with him, but he never treated me very well, and most of his actions were bordering emotionally abusive. He told me several times he needed to sort out his life, that he wasnt happy and didnt no what was wrong with him. He wont seek help, and hasnt made any progress since he got home. He was unable to simply be nice, which prompting the fights that led to our recent break up.

I was picking up my things earlier this week, and for the first time in a very very long time saw a hint of the guy I fell for. He said he wants to be alone, and want to be with other people (which I realize means he just dosent want to be with me), but I was wondering if anyone can think of anything I could do to help him. I miss the guy I fell for, and cant seem to give up on the fact that hes still hiding somewhere inside this person I was dating.

 

[Sandra]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[pi314159]

Welcome to the forum.

I understand how hard it must be to see a glimpse of the man you fell in love with. If you give him the time alone he has asked for he may be able to deal with his issues and find himself again.

I'm sorry you're in pain. I hope things get better for you.

 

[Stacey85]

Hi and welcome to the forum!

I'm pretty new here myself. I'm a supporter of my husband, who has PTSD. I've known him all my life, but we hadn't really seen or spoke for 8 years when I had moved away with my family. The Army actually brought us together because he was stationed near where I lived 4 years ago.

Long story short, he did 2 deployments back to back. We got married as soon as we could (10 months into our long distance relationship) and we had 2 babies both during a deployment (I have an older son from a previous marriage that we consider my husbands) The first deployment he was fine.. This one, not so fine. It's really hard watching him suffer, but all I can do right now is support him, and be here when he needs me.

This means I sleep alone a lot.. I didn't expect this to happen after sleeping alone for years because of deployments. This means I have to understand when he's having flash backs, and give him space. I am always open ears when he is ready to talk, and sometimes he does come to me to tell me what's going on with him, but everyone is different.

Your loved one is probably holding it all in right now, as apparently a lot of people do who have PTSD. You just have to tell him that you love him, and you are here when he is ready, and hope that he finds help. Maybe you can even tell him about this site? There is another site that is for combat veterans who have PTSD. Someone on here shared this with my husband and he has recently joined it as well (Tried to post the link but it tells me I can't because I am too new, I hope someone will post it here, or you can look up "new from afghanistan" in introductions, that was my husbands post. It has the link in there.

Hope this helps, and if not, I hope just knowing there is another woman here having to sit and watch all of this torment our loved one helps you. You are not alone!

 

[Prettysmile]

I know what your going through. My now ex also suffers from Combat ptsd. The only time I see the guy i fell in love with is when he has been drinking. Sad but true. He drinks alot to numb himself. When he is sober, he is rude and jumpy.
He has alot going on inside his head and he rather just be alone. Its not you im sure. Dont take it personal.

A sufferer shared a letter they wrote to their family and friends explaining what they were going through on a thread on the forum recently. It helped me alot in understanding my marine. Here's the link. It will hopefully help you get some clarity as well.
Here is the link:

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/a-sufferers-letter-to-share.20531/#post-285660[/DLMURL]

 

[imisshim]

thanks guys! that letter was really helpful. i have been trying to talk to him and let him know how much i care and how badly i want to fix things between up, but he is unresponsive, and just wants to be left alone... i dont know what to do :(

 

[Paranoid10]

Dear Imisshim,
Welcome to the forum. I am a recently medically retired Soldier who performed 8 years of service and 3 deployments to Iraq. One of the disabilities that I suffer from is PTSD. Even though I am not an "expert" by any means, I can give advice or share experiences to maybe give some insight to help. If there is anything I can do or if you just want to talk, drop me a line and I will do what I can. Very Respectfully, Paranoid10.

 

[TDJ_DK]

Going to the doctor $50
Getting Medication $25
Finding out that someone somewhere in the world cares about you! .. Priceless! :)

The world is a sick place. Getting sicker by the minute. All the evil people takes advantage of the good.

If you love someone so much they will take you for granted, only to love you when someone else is showing interest.

If you like, I will be happy to just listen to your problems. I am a good listener and I can solve everyones problems but my own.... :) Always look on the bright side of life!

<basic grammar edited by cherryblossom>

 

[Elisacullen21]

Welcome to the forum :)