Long post, guy I liked left

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Morrowind

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Appreciate if you can read with as little judgment as possible

For about 7 years, I was in an online relationship with a man from a different country. We never met face to face and in the last two years, he was barely around because of some stuff he was going through. I could barely get him to call and when I did, we would only fight. He was 53 and I’m 28.

I met a guy at work (21 years old) who initially creeped me out. For months, he’d follow me around and constantly help me with my job. If I tried to reach for a box, he’d get right behind me and grab it. I tried to distance myself and he’d get irritated. I didn’t want to make things awkward as he was my coworker so I’d try to clear the air. Eventually he asked me to sit in his car with him on our breaks. I awkwardly agreed but hoped he’d get the hint from my hesitation. He then asked me to go out to a gas station with him on our lunch break. On the way there I said we’re just friends right? He annoyingly asked why do you keep saying that? I said I have to tell you something when we get back because I was afraid how he’d react.

I told him I was in a relationship but I’d like to be friends. He said I’m glad you said that because I was afraid I was leading you on. A huge weight felt lifted off and I called my ex later and told him about it and he was all fine with us going out platonic. Our job had refused to let us work together at this point on a side note saying we are flirting too much. He told me he was just divorced, she crushed him and he wasn’t ready for a relationship.

So we went to play pool and bowl and all the while I still felt he was being flirty. He’d stare deep into my eyes and behave in ways he wouldn’t with anyone else. He took me to a bar, and ordered me drinks. I got drunk. We kissed. He said I’m taking you home. I said I can’t go home or I’ll be in trouble for being wasted (just current living situation). So he took me to where he was staying with his brother.

I was so drunk by this point I thought I was dying but we attempted to have sex. That failed and he laid next to me cuddling and comforting me. I squirmed out of his arms and tried to sleep in his brothers bed (brother slept on the couch).

Next morning, I called my ex after I got home. I told him everything. He broke up with me.

The new guy sent me a text saying I make him so happy and he’s very attracted to me and wants another more intimate experience but still wants to remain friends.

I cried for a week and this guy I cheated with knew about my pain. He would drive on his days off to my job on my lunch break and he’d kiss me and I’d cry. There were a lot of times I’d cry and even said I miss my ex. So he started saying I want you to get back with your ex.

We did have sex three more times in one night. But he hesitated when I asked if he wanted to, only for a second though. He asked “is it going to make you uncomfortable?” I said no. Later he asked “are your brothers going to come kick my ass?” I said no they like you. He got quiet.

So after that night, something in me changed. I guess suddenly I started feeling something for this guy. So we go to work and I start being mean in my texts saying I don’t want to be friends and getting annoyed when he said I don’t want a relationship right now. I was genuinely emotional and I apologized but I was confused and hurt.

He said he likes me but needs time to think but I didn’t really get it and continued to text. He blocked my number.

I tried asking him in person to talk. He said I’m not going to be around someone that doesn’t respect my boundaries. I said I’m sorry and weeks went by. I did a stupid thing reaching out from a different number which I beat myself up for everyday now. Obv that angered him extremely badly. He told me it won’t work out for the absolutely last time leave me alone.

So I did. I have not spoken to him since January 14th, not even at work. My coworker told me he was jealous seeing me talking to another guy. So I guess my question is why care about me talking to another guy?

Is there any hope he may see a reason to try again or is it completely over? At work he looks at me but looks away when I look. He looks very depressed. But I’m afraid to speak because of his last text. I miss him but I also don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t want me. I guess I’m looking for advice
 
So I guess my question is why care about me talking to another guy?
You don't know that he is. You are hearing from someone else that he is, which may or may not be true. Either way, I would take what he says to you are the situation rather than what other people say who aren't/weren't in your relationship.
Is there any hope he may see a reason to try again or is it completely over?
Who knows. But I wonder the thing to work on is your sense of relationships and how you want to be treated? Nothing in what you wrote articulates your wants or needs. You were creeped out by this guy for some time. Your previous relationship you never met in 7 years.
What does love feel like for you? How do you want to be treated? What are your boundaries?
I wonder if you need to work on yourself first?
 
Hello @Morrowind

It sounds like he just wanted casual sex with no strings attached and you caught feelings for him. If he doesn't want anything more then I wouldn't pursue it and would move on.

Ya never know though, many relationships start out as just hooking up and end up as more. I think if he's interested he will let you know. I wouldn't get my hopes up though.

Btw, not sure what this has to do with PTSD though. Do you have it, does he?
 
You don't know that he is. You are hearing from someone else that he is, which may or may not be true. Either way, I would take what he says to you are the situation rather than what other people say who aren't/weren't in your relationship.

Who knows. But I wonder the thing to work on is your sense of relationships and how you want to be treated? Nothing in what you wrote articulates your wants or needs. You were creeped out by this guy for some time. Your previous relationship you never met in 7 years.
What does love feel like for you? How do you want to be treated? What are your boundaries?
I wonder if you need to work on yourself first?
So here’s the thing on the first question. I had an inkling he was pissed because the guy I was flirting with and his eyes locked and it looked like when a dog is too close to another dog’s bone. And it went on for awhile in silence until he went in the freezer and slammed the door. Then he was showing off pulling a giant pallet of water and looking angry after which (I had been trying to get the other guy to move a pallet of water for me). I didn’t know until a coworker told me (a guy) and I never mentioned it so I imagine it has to be true
 
So here’s the thing on the first question. I had an inkling he was pissed because the guy I was flirting with and his eyes locked and it looked like when a dog is too close to another dog’s bone. And it went on for awhile in silence until he went in the freezer and slammed the door. Then he was showing off pulling a giant pallet of water and looking angry after which (I had been trying to get the other guy to move a pallet of water for me). I didn’t know until a coworker told me (a guy) and I never mentioned it so I imagine it has to be true
So you believe it's true. And then?
Jealously isn't love or care. Do you confuse them for the same thing? Because I go back to my answer to your other question..

For me, all this comes back to you in relationships and what you think healthy behaviour and boundaires are ?
 
So you believe it's true. And then?
Jealously isn't love or care. Do you confuse them for the same thing? Because I go back to my answer to your other question..

For me, all this comes back to you in relationships and what you think healthy behaviour and boundaires are ?

I don’t think my own boundaries were respected at first so no I don’t know how to voice them well. I also just wanted to mention that I had said some really terrible things to him like asking if he’s a sociopath and saying I understand why women leave him. I apologized but that’s what he claims ended things but wouldn’t say no completely until I texted too much
 
I think you need to reevaluate what you want in a romantic relationship. What is love to you? Do you often confuse attention for love?
If you met your ex of 7yrs, what would the relationship going well and making you happy look like?


New guy doesn’t want you to contact him, you’ve tried to contact him multiple times after being told this. There’s no point in pursuing him anymore.

New guy seems to have just wanted to have sex with you. Why invite you to close, one-on-one encounters (eg. his car, his house) if you are simply work friends? While knowing you were already in a relationship. He was always flirting, you didn’t want much to do with him, he kept persisting.
I tried to distance myself and he’d get irritated. I didn’t want to make things awkward as he was my coworker so I’d try to clear the air. Eventually he asked me to sit in his car with him on our breaks. I awkwardly agreed but hoped he’d get the hint from my hesitation.
I said we’re just friends right? He annoyingly asked why do you keep saying that?
Our job had refused to let us work together at this point on a side note saying we are flirting too much.
The new guy sent me a text saying I make him so happy and he’s very attracted to me and wants another more intimate experience but still wants to remain friends.
He may not want a relationship, but he wanted to be close to you, for the sex, he ended up initiating that as he increased the personal time with you.


He said I’m glad you said that because I was afraid I was leading you on. A huge weight felt lifted off
He told me he was just divorced, she crushed him and he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
Do you take what people say at face value a lot?
Does him saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship automatically mean he wasn’t ready for sex/intimacy with someone else?
 
ModNote - You’ve been asked several times, by both staff and members who (if anyone) has PTSD & have not replied. Thread locked, until/unless you decide to answer, at >>> Contact Us

It’s a simple housekeeping problem, as far as staff are concerned. No fuss, no muss. As we have 2 relationships forums; one for suffers & one for supporters; but in neither case are for relationship Q’s outside of the PTSD sphere. Like cancer forums, with relationship sections, are for relationships people with cancer / loved ones with cancer; or parenting forums are for relationships people who are parents.
 
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