Obsessed..... Obsessed..... Obsessed !!!!!!.........

[Bill Dickerson]

Yea but I'm so whooped right now I don't even want to. I'm still thinking about a lawyer. I might try legal aid tomorrow. Might get lucky and find somebody who doesn't think I'm a crackpot.

Feels like I need to do something to fight back. It's not in my nature to give up.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I wouldn't give up, but you need to get your rage figured out. What is it that you're doing that makes people think you're "a crackpot"? Do people really think that, or is that you beating yourself up? Why did this security guard say he doesn't want you around the area? Is it personal? Is there something you can change about yourself, your look or something, that can put people more at ease? Or is it more about the security guard being a jerk than anything that you do socially which puts people off?

 

[Bill Dickerson]

It's a bizarre situation so it sounds a little strange. It's a real nice neighborhood and he is just being an a$$. I don't interact much with people but I get along real well when I do. I've even talked to guy when he was following me around. I guess he's frustrated that he doesn't scare me.

I'm afraid he might do something stupid like put his hands on me. Sometimes people do stupid things because they are having a bad day.

 

[The Albatross]

Bill? One incident in 2-3 years is not really very bad. Can you turn your need to fight back into some resolve to get back to curbing and make a strategy for a$$holes?

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I have a strategy for A$$holes. I ignore them but when when they jump in your face my first reaction is too put them in the dirt.

I haven't put my hands on anybody in years and even then it was different. People could get hurt real bad if I have defend myself.

I'm so ashamed I've only told my (T) about it and then it was real hard.

I went out to the shop last night but there wasn't anything to fix. I'm so frustrated it's ridiculous.....

Getting more depressed by the hour......

 

[Muzikluvr]

I think by strategies for A$$holes, Albatross is referring to alternatives to laying hands on someone when they make you angry or startle you or touch you. In this way, you will feel more confident when you need to confront someone that you can manage to stand up for yourself without it escalating into a fight.

Do you value winning the fight and being right, over living peaceably in society?

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I think you're misunderstanding I haven't fought or laid hands on from being angry since I was a child. I've laid hands on a lot of people when I was working it was never out of anger and it was never personal. I think that is what scares me.

An exaggerated startle response only lasts a moment and I've been lucky I've never struck anyone. I only stay in that moment for a second or two.

I've called the local legal aid people and hopefully they may be able to help. It's something anyway.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I'm glad you did reach out locally for some advice on this issue. I did misunderstand the physical contact you claimed. I only want to encourage you to get a better grip on your own anger because it will allow you to think clearer in confrontations, and to feel confident to stand up for yourself without fear that it would lead to a physical confrontation.

Good luck to you Bill. Keep me posted,
Muz

 

[Estacia]

There is no need to give up. If you need a break take one and then go back to it.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

A break is a good idea.

Maybe I can allow myself a couple of weeks to work on the problem before I dive back in.

I did repair a dog crate for a rescue and that kept me busy and out of my head.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I ordered more parts for the dog crates so I can repair a few more.

Decided I would concentrate on doing some stock photography. Been wanting to try that for awhile. Tried it a year or so ago hopefully I can remember which end takes the picture.

Hard to stay focused most of the time on any one thing for long. I've stuck with the freecycle site and curbing several years. It's hard to start having trouble with it.

My kids are in Florida and they are always a good distraction.

I called the area legal services people and left a message but I get so upset and helpless feeling I'm not sure I even left my number.

Hate it when I get so upset it interferes. Didn't use to do that. I was cool as a cucumber going through the doors. Now it seems a little issue really turns my head around. Woke up this morning and couldn't figure out if there was somewhere there or I'm getting stress induced auditory hallucinations. Never did figure it out. Those things drive me nuts especially if I can't pin it down. I hate it when I can't trust my senses and I hate surprises.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

Last night was real rough. Dreamed about the problem all night and of course I was pissed. Slept too much. Hard to find motivation.

Couldn't keep it out of my head today. Found another legal place. They probably won't handle it but maybe they will give me a referral...

I'm checking with with some of the Freecycle guys to see if they have had similar problems.