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Odd things i like about my t

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I really like that my therapist does equine therapy. Training and competing with my dogs is my escape. It’s one reason why my GP referred me to her - she thought talking to an animal lover would be a good start.

The only thing that annoys me is that I don’t get to do the fun stuff and pat horses lolz...I’ve got to sit on the couch and dissociate/flashback through shit that part of my brain doesn’t want to talk about.
 
It’s funny....all of the things that I DID NOT like about my T in the beginning—all of the little things that made me question whether she was a good fit—are the very things that I really appreciate & love about her now. Her approach isn’t so gentle, but she really is a very gentle person. She doesn’t give me reassurance or validation freely...she questions me & pushes me & makes me uncomfortable until I give myself the reassurance or validation I need. & then she just smiles...the smile that says, “YES! YOU did it!” & that’s probably better than any reassurance she could have given me. :) Oh....she gives the best hugs too!
 
I love my T's big leather couch, and the way he'd sometimes slip his shoes off and just drape himself over his big leather chair the same way I'd stretched out on the couch. I love the way he tried really hard at the beginning to establish rapport, even though we really didn't have to work so hard for that...we both felt the connection before we even started therapy. I love his globe salt lamp in the lobby, and the paintings and wall art he chose for the office. I especially LOVE his office dojo space!! T's hugs are absolutely the best, and his touch during energy healing sessions is so calming/reassuring. T has a voice that instantly causes me to respond positively at the cellular level; sometimes I listen to his guided meditations just to hear his voice! But the biggest thing I appreciate about my T is the fact that I still feel the wounds of his own traumas, and they sometimes mirror my own, but he found a way to thrive in spite of it all, and has shown me how to do that too.
 
I am interested in this touch & hugs. I know my T offered hug after a session or before in a “hello” - but i don’t want any touching. In fact he tried to hug me and caught me off guard my body just reflexed away rather jerkingly like I was almost trying to push away. I was quite embarrassed how I responded but I didn’t do it with any thought it was just a reflex.

At the same time I want so much to be hugged. But he is a man and I just hate men sometimes. I wish I had what you all have with your T’s.

My T never shares his past. And there are no objects in office except a row of books he has and I asked if he read them he said no. There is nothing warm or inviting like the other offices in the building. His is QUITE boring - nothing but a chair that’s too small and an oversized couch (I avoid couches because that’s were I was abused - on a couch as a child)
 
I am interested in this touch & hugs. I know my T offered hug after a session or before in a...
I think hugs can be very healing if you’re comfortable with it. Some people aren’t & that’s okay. I’m glad my T is a hugger. I guess I didn’t get enough hugs when I was little & it seems like safe touch to me now. Once I told my T after a difficult session when I was having trouble opening up/talking, “honestly, I’m just here today for the hug!” It might be very different if my therapist was a male. I may not be as comfortable with it. But then I don’t think I would be comfortable opening up & talking about my history with a male either.
 
I agree with you about it being easier with same sex T ... I think I could hug a female.

At the time I saw this T of mine... I could not find anyone in my near vicinity (female) that accepted new clients. And this person I see now came highly recommended but was male. I thought I was headed for nervous breakdown (experienced flooding) - and had to get myself in with someone.

Well it’s been a long 5 years and not always the best but I got through. I am on solid ground except for having a relationship - dating etc....

Thank you for your response
 
I appreciate the sports car my T drives and how she never makes me feel like “too much” or a burden. I like how skilled she is at reframing and how much she tries to help me see my own strengths. I appreciate that she still wants to work with me, despite knowing so much about me. I sometimes feel sad that she never touches me, but I appreciate how she is modeling these boundaries for me. She’s teaching me how to show care and regard without touch...without using my body. I love how she always walks all the way out to my seat in the waiting room and asks me if I want a glass of water. I love how she rolls her chair closer to me when I cry, how she laughs at my jokes and how she says “please, please stop trying to conserve tissues! I have plenty!” When we have video sessions, she sometimes gets distracted by her own picture and starts trying to fix her hair. And then she apologizes and laughs.
 
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