How I Sit, It's Become An Issue For T. Odd Thing He Noticed.

[Lola Nocheprieta]

he wants me to push away or kick away the chair with him sitting in it.

Is your T trained in somatic techniques? This sounds a little like Somatic Experiencing (SE.) If you're a research geek like me, you might want to read Bessel van der Kolk's "The Body Keeps the Score," (your T clearly has!) or anything by Peter Levine, who developed SE. I think the premise is that during the original trauma(s) we were unable to fight back, or unable to do so effectively. There are "incomplete" body motions like pushing an abuser away, that need to be completed (safely), to process fully. I haven't done SE, but I might in the future. Just keep up the good work, Panda!

 

[Panda Bear]

Yep. He's very well trained in all areas of trauma and treatment methods too. From PE therapy, SE, and EMDR. All of with we use depending on what we are discussing.

The push back request came from my processing some SA information and it was very much a moment where I needed to fight back. My stance was defensive and he was right, it was the result of me being afraid. In the past, he's allowed me to fight back with my words(before I had the skills to communicate effectively). I'm not allowed to verbally fight back anymore, he expects me to talk it through nicely.

He has allowed my body to do its own thing up until now. The game has changed and he has upped the ante.

I need to physically fight him back in order to wrap up the trauma and bring it full circle in my head.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

He has allowed my body to do its own thing up until now. The game has changed and he has upped the ante.

Wow, I'm seriously impressed, Panda. With *you* ... the work you've done, your insight. I'm still working on just stabilizing <sigh> and we may need to ratchet things down, not anywhere near ready to up the ante! You are an inspiration.

 

[Forgetful]

I too sit balled up in Pdoc's office and home especially when with high stress situations or confronted. Also with my head down. She will tell me to sit as relaxed as I can muster and we'll do some relaxation exercises until she sees me relax a little. Then she'll help me put whatever is bothering me into my container. I have a hard time utilizing a safe place so that doesn't work for me. Maybe he can help you to use these exercises to help?

She's pretty good at doing whatever helps me at the time. I've made her turn off the lights if I'm badly triggered and remove her clock if the ticking is hurting my concentration. Are you comfortable enough to ask for what you need to make you more comfortable or safer?

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't think I could do that @Panda Bear , but I wouldn't want to, either. Good for you! :tup: :hug:

Now I think looking up helps me feel more aware. Looking down now makes me nervous/ I feel blind-folded.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I'm...baffled. My therapist and I do EMDR, or we talk. That's it. He's never upset me or pushed me in any way, and all of you seem ok with what I would consider to be totally out of line. I can't even imagine a therapist saying or doing something to upset me. Is he trying to trigger you?

 

[Gs172003]

Even if I did end up hurting him....he wouldn't care. I'm more worried about it than he is. He'd rat...

He might be trying to give you some power?

 

[Panda Bear]

@Mal Content. Yes, in a way he is trying to trigger me. Create a stress or moment, cause me distress, or push me to a breaking point. BUT it's okay, we have built to this point with skills and trust, knowledge, compassion and an incredible working relationship. He didn't push or stress me until he had taugh me how to cope. He never does anything without telling me, we always discuss game plan changes and upping the ante.

Our tougher times usually start with an acknowledgment that we're going deeper. He'll say "you ready?" "You're going to be okay" "you can do this" and off the end we go. Often we fail, I can't cope or just don't want to, so it fails.

But Mal, don't worry. It's okay! We have such a long standing relationship, over 4yrs, the first 2-2.5yrs were tough. He never would have pushed me on purpose to a breaking point. He hardly moved....breathed....because he didn't want to upset me, I didn't have the skills to handle the stress. He never would do then what he does now.

 

[Panda Bear]

We found a way to deal with the defensive sitting mode when I'm feeling the need to push him away, figuratively.....For now, he has dropped the idea of pushing/kicking his chair.

Last week he almost pushed me out of the officd(not really but strongly suggested) when we were working and I ended up in that defensive mode with my legs and knees up. Out if the office I went, out of the waiting room and into the lobby outside. I ran....after he moved to the edge of his chair. He kept assuring me it was okay to leave. He wants me to 'fight' back and move when my body attempts to stop(or protect by sitting in that certain position). I did feel better after getting up and bolting out the door. Gave me a chance to calm down faster and get that feeling out of my body.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Gave me a chance to calm down faster and get that feeling out of my body.

I think sometimes we just have to process things physically. we have to get up and move, shake out that energy, and we just can't process everything verbally or intellectually or even emotionally. we have to do it physically. I don't know about feeling so distressed that i would need to literally run out of the room, but running in general, or getting up in session and stretching, pacing, stamping my feet, "shaking it off," sometimes that's the only way I can discharge all that anxiety and fear and shame all bottled up in my body.