goldenkhild
New Here
Hi,
So I'm new here (obviously) and I posted regarding my situation in the "introductions" section. But I can repeat for convenience =) I've known my boyfriend for...a little over a year. However, when we first met I was seeing someone else. I had a very difficult time making a decision regarding whether or not I should continue seeing the other guy or dating my boyfriend, who had been very patient and fought hard to be with me. Our "official" relationship date is in late June. Things were great until I fell into one of my depressive "episodes" (I struggle with depression and anxiety) in July and my boyfriend didn't really know how to handle the situation. I think it made him really start questioning my stability and whether or not he could continue to be with me. As a side note, I do currently see a therapist and I have tried medication (on a break from trying that right now, the last one didn't work at all) so it's not like I'm not dealing with my own issues. So anyway, unfortunately, one thing led to another and my boyfriend's deployment date was moved up a month. I had thought we'd have time to kind of "sort" through our issues that had come up but it just didn't happen. So when he left for the Middle East we weren't really in a great place but he has a short deployment so I assumed we could wait it out.
I don't have much contact with him at all but it's become obvious via the few conversations we've had that he's really struggling. He talks about how the things "he's seen" or things "he's done" are things he never thought he would do or see and he doesn't know how to handle that. He sent me an email telling me that he thinks he's losing his faith (we are both Christians) because of all the bad things that he's seen happen or participated in doing. He is genuinely extremely busy with what he does but I also think he's starting to use that as an excuse. The last time we talked (on Thanksgiving...three weeks since he had last called and two weeks since he had last contacted me at all) he was just very...flat. He kept saying things like "What if it (my faith) doesn't come back?" and "What if we break up when I get back?" When I expressed how devastated I would be if we broke up he said "That makes me feel pressured" as in he worries that if he broke up with me I wouldn't be okay. He said he's "trying" and he said that he still loves me and wants to be with me but the entire conversation had this "cloud" of doubt and uncertainty on his part hanging over it. I hung up the phone basically feeling like he is no longer invested in or committed to our relationship. I had some advice to suggest that we break up the next time I talk to him so that if that's what he really wants but is too afraid to do he can have an "out", so to speak. But I've had other people suggest that it would be best not to take that step right now because he is so confused and struggling with what he wants.
I have been reading a book on PTSD and relationships and so much of what is discussed sounds a lot like how he's been acting or things he's been saying. I do know he has a history of some childhood trauma as well that I don't think we ever really dealt with so that might exacerbate the situation.
I just really need some support, some advice, someone who might be willing to email/text because I feel very alone in this situation. Honestly, I feel like I'm just waiting for him to break up with me, like it's hovering over my head. I don't know what to think or how to react or what to do. It doesn't help that we also met long distance so it's not a situation where he'll come back to live with me or we'll even be in the same state. We had talked about my moving there when he came back but I'm not really considering that right now.
Is there anyone who can give me some insight into this situation?
Thanks.
So I'm new here (obviously) and I posted regarding my situation in the "introductions" section. But I can repeat for convenience =) I've known my boyfriend for...a little over a year. However, when we first met I was seeing someone else. I had a very difficult time making a decision regarding whether or not I should continue seeing the other guy or dating my boyfriend, who had been very patient and fought hard to be with me. Our "official" relationship date is in late June. Things were great until I fell into one of my depressive "episodes" (I struggle with depression and anxiety) in July and my boyfriend didn't really know how to handle the situation. I think it made him really start questioning my stability and whether or not he could continue to be with me. As a side note, I do currently see a therapist and I have tried medication (on a break from trying that right now, the last one didn't work at all) so it's not like I'm not dealing with my own issues. So anyway, unfortunately, one thing led to another and my boyfriend's deployment date was moved up a month. I had thought we'd have time to kind of "sort" through our issues that had come up but it just didn't happen. So when he left for the Middle East we weren't really in a great place but he has a short deployment so I assumed we could wait it out.
I don't have much contact with him at all but it's become obvious via the few conversations we've had that he's really struggling. He talks about how the things "he's seen" or things "he's done" are things he never thought he would do or see and he doesn't know how to handle that. He sent me an email telling me that he thinks he's losing his faith (we are both Christians) because of all the bad things that he's seen happen or participated in doing. He is genuinely extremely busy with what he does but I also think he's starting to use that as an excuse. The last time we talked (on Thanksgiving...three weeks since he had last called and two weeks since he had last contacted me at all) he was just very...flat. He kept saying things like "What if it (my faith) doesn't come back?" and "What if we break up when I get back?" When I expressed how devastated I would be if we broke up he said "That makes me feel pressured" as in he worries that if he broke up with me I wouldn't be okay. He said he's "trying" and he said that he still loves me and wants to be with me but the entire conversation had this "cloud" of doubt and uncertainty on his part hanging over it. I hung up the phone basically feeling like he is no longer invested in or committed to our relationship. I had some advice to suggest that we break up the next time I talk to him so that if that's what he really wants but is too afraid to do he can have an "out", so to speak. But I've had other people suggest that it would be best not to take that step right now because he is so confused and struggling with what he wants.
I have been reading a book on PTSD and relationships and so much of what is discussed sounds a lot like how he's been acting or things he's been saying. I do know he has a history of some childhood trauma as well that I don't think we ever really dealt with so that might exacerbate the situation.
I just really need some support, some advice, someone who might be willing to email/text because I feel very alone in this situation. Honestly, I feel like I'm just waiting for him to break up with me, like it's hovering over my head. I don't know what to think or how to react or what to do. It doesn't help that we also met long distance so it's not a situation where he'll come back to live with me or we'll even be in the same state. We had talked about my moving there when he came back but I'm not really considering that right now.
Is there anyone who can give me some insight into this situation?
Thanks.
