Pandora's Box Opened

[Jyar]

My first psychologist when I began this journey, believed solely in positive talk therapy. After a few sessions that went nowhere we dug in a little bit he asked that I open up my past.

I did, against my better judgement. I was concerned we would open up wounds that I wasn't ready. The psychologist, therapist possibly encouraged positive self talk as we discussed my traumas.

He cut the session short, and said that I should continue with the self talk and reflection. I tryed. I did. The nightmares began svortly afterwards, almost immediately. The next session two weeks later, the psych/therapist what have you just wanted to talk about how things were going.

I asked him a question: "Doc Ed, have you ever opened a door you couldn't close"? He said yes, but he found ways to close them. I asked him for what he felt so far, he told me to think of him as an advocate. But he suspected that I was suffering from PTSD, and he was unable to help me any further.

The problem, under his supervision we opened Pandora's box. The darkness escaped and every compartment I had set into place had molded into one box, Pandora's. Now more than ever the darkness that was once compartmentalized is unleashed.

Yesterday while picking up a few simple things from Von's someone paying too much attention to my daughter angered me as she was upset by the unwanted attention. I did ask that he leave her be, rather sternly, but he took that as a challenge and asked me what I was going to do a out it. My blood was freezing and alls that I could see was how I intended on using the olive oil glass bottle and shelving display to teach him some manners. He got into my face while i was keeping my daughter calm and sheltered. The place was so busy that none of the store employees noticed what was going on. This is when the darkness, my cold blank darkness took up its mantle. I started to drift in and out. Judgement calls were being made while I zoned in and out. Thankfully a Marine, thank you SGT. Mendoza, saw what was about to happen broke it up and help me out of the store even paid for the few items I was picking up. I owe the Sargent my freedom.

The question I have for everyone is, have you had Pandora's box opened and were you ever able to shut it closed once it was opened? I ask because I don't know that I can close if now. I can still feel the effects of yesterday's encounters and rampages coursing in my veins. Once the darkness is unleashed from Pandora's box can it be controlled?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yes, it can be reigned in again, but in my experience, that takes time. I was extremely unstable & unsafe for over a year after my box was opened. But, I never lost hope. I pushed forward, trying quite a few different types of therapies, finally finding ones that worked.

I can't believe some guy would get in your face after you asked him to leave your daughter alone! Who has that sort of nerve? Bothering a little kid and getting in her dad's face because he was protecting her? Geesh.

 

[Jyar]

It seems to be that this is when darkness really takes hold of me. When my wife and daughter are in the line of fire.

The darkness it is a cold, calculating, and conniving void. I worry sometimes that my darkness will overtake common sense and my baser prehistoric instincts will kick into overdrive.

As for the type of person that would pull the crap that creep pulled, stuck up over privileged, snobby, p.o.s with a Napoleon complex.

 

[Jyar]

As for Sgt. Mendoza, thank you sir. For serving our country both at home and overseas. My daughter has a dad here tonight because you saw and interviend.
Thank you Marine!!! Ooorah!!!

 

[DMerish]

The question I have for everyone is, have you had Pandora's box opened and were you ever able to shut it closed once it was opened?

Yes. I've opened and closed it many times. Sometimes, when someone/something opened without forewarning the result would be very unpleasant until I could get it closed again. I've opened intentionally myself and rummaged around a bit with the things inside while being with a therapist. I tried cleaned up a few things in the box, but when I got tired of doing that I just shoved the stuff back in it.

Long story short, last December I had a minor heart attack. In the days that followed I came to understandwhat forgiveness was, and very deeply and in a way I've never felt before, I began to feel compassion for myself and for others (including someone I thought I could never, would never, be able to completely forget the actions they did and be anywhere close to forgiving the

My box is still around and it's different than it was before. It's not dirty, or hidden, and stuff isn't shoved in it like before. Some stuff has been thrown out, other stuff in there is more organized, 'm not afraid to take it out, and talk about it when appropriate - when I want to. It's sort of weird to think a heart attack saved me, but that's what I feel/think.

I don't know about "controlling" it other than to shove it back in the box as best, and as often as one needs to, so they can do their job, be with family, etc. For me, it's been more like getting to know it . . . like one gets to know a horse . . . slowly, gently, understanding it, and then finally being able to manage it all the while respecting the fact that it is a power greater me.

Hope this was somewhat helpful - hang in there Jyar!

Drew ~

 

[amcen]

Hello Jyar,

Please be aware that what comes next is only my opinion.

Once the darkness is unleashed from Pandora's box can it be controlled?

Hello Jyar,
According to me, the problem about answering that question is that everyone is different and the same at once.

Different, because each of us has a very specific story of life, very specific body and genes and a very specific environment in which we live.

The same, because we all share life through consciousness (and unconsciousness...), and emotions. Wherever one is on the planet, almost each human being can recognize any emotion in another human being, at various levels.

Once said that, for MY part, absolute darkness has been unleashed from my "Pandora's box", it has been worse than hell for me and yet, I could furtunately sort out most of my past and face almost everything that needed to be faced. After that (it took about 18 months), all emotional flashbacks and a few nightmares directly linked to past memories stopped. They had been the worst by far. Now I can still be triggered by little events (like cries from a child for example) and feel very bad, but it is far from being as horrible as it was last year.

As to control the freed darkness, no I could not control it once it was out in the open, but I could control it just before. I learnt to feel the exact moment when a door was starting to open and could close it before it opened too far. But it was a 24/7 exhausting time, kind of a life or death situation. That was a month before my first therapy appointment. Obviously I could not work, socialize or whatever else, it could only be a temporary thing.

Then during therapy, the therapist made me open the Pandora's box and we worked on its horrible content in an extremely tough way during about 3 consecutive hours at each session. That has been the worst moments in my life, but I sorted it out with my therapist's help. Without any doubt, I owe her to still be alive.

Please be aware that it is only my own experience and my answer to your question, nothing more.

I wish you the so very best in your healing path, Jyar, and the maybe tremendous courage that you need.