Panic Attack - Losing Touch With Reality

[joeylittle]

the drugs company only print what they have to in order to avoid prosecution

This isn't necessarily true, certainly not in the US. And if you still want to hate the drug companies - it's in their best interest to print the maximum amount of disclosure, because it is the only way to limit their liability.

So I am going to do half days at school and I am increasing my medication. I think that's the right thing to do.

It's great that you are taking steps to address your current anxiety. My only comment is that, if you think you can, try giving the 1/2 days a chance before you change your dosing. When we change two things at once, we don't always know what actually worked.

On the other hand, if you are doing a return to a dose that was previously therapeutic, it is logical to restore that dosing.

Having said all that, I think it's always important to look at your medication whenever you start having new or increased symptoms. SNRIs are statistically more effective than SSRIs, and a lot of the thinking that launched SSRIs has now been called into real scientific question.

I hope you start getting some relief, no matter what. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Thank you, @Anarchy for your concern. I really appreciate it. :hug:
I take sertraline, 100mg a day. Before EMDR I had very gradually increased to 200mg, which is the maximum. Eventually I felt good enough to cut down, which brought me to the 100mg. I am now taking 50 mg more, because it sort of "cushions the blow" of all the stress and it decreases my anxiety. It helps me stay in the real world as well.
I agree that pharmaceuticals are something that one should be very careful with and that the pharmaceutical industry has way more power than it should have. So far, however, this stuff has worked for me and I barely have any side effects. It could indeed be that the anxiety comes from this, but I think it is unlikely as a larger dosage has always equalled less anxiety for me. I am someone who rarely takes any medication. When I have pain I usually just go to bed or something. So don't worry, I am careful :)

@joeylittle: that is a good point. I have noticed that the half days on their own seem to make a difference. I feel less stressed out and more rested. I do still have trouble completely calming down, though, so I have increased the meds as well. I know it's a bit too soon and that I should have tried one thing first, but I'm kind of in a period where I don't have the option of experimenting with that stuff. I have to be well, because I have to perform well on my exams.
The dose I am now on has previously been therapeutic, so it won't give me more side effects. The only side effects I've really had with the stuff is some numbness and a dry mouth. I really prefer that to the anxiety. Maybe I am one of the lucky few for whom SSRIs actually work.
Thank you for your advice and support :hug:

 

[Anarchy]

Good to hear that you are feeling more yourself
:hug:

 

[Yvy]

Hi, I'm sorry you have a stressful time. I can relate to the irrational fears. Pfff.... Awful and they can be like its so REAL and realistic. I hate exams, they trigger me too. I have panic attacks then. Now I have a job and I have other fears. Like that I'm making awful mistakes, hurting people. Because I think I can't do anything good. So the moment that I've hurt someone they will all know that I can't do anything and that I'm an awful person who should be locked away and should be punished constantly.

Are you able to talk about this to your parents?

I recognize the impending sense of doom.

Did you ever read something about toxic shame? Because when I read something about that I really recognized a lot in it. Maybe you will too? It helped me because they also explain it and there is advice on it if you type it in on google.
That impending sense of doom is horrible and almost unbearable.
It helps me to find out what exactly triggered it. Of course, your exams. But there were thoughts you were thinking before that. Where does it start? What does your inner critic tell you? If you get conscious of what happened before the panic attack came up it'll give you a lot of information and maybe you'll be able to recognize it earlier and stop it so it won't become an attack. That's a lot of practicing sadly enough....

You have to learn that what is real for you is not real and realistic. Finding out what exactly in detail makes you lose reality. What helps me is the defusing and fusing stuff from ACT therapy. Russ Harris wrote this book about it that explain it really well. There are also a lot of nice short explanations about this on youtube. It helped me to see that you can stop believing your thoughts. Focus on your breathing for instance. This are all things you can practice. Fusing is that you believe your thoughts and are one with them. They are your reality in this moment. Its like wearing glasses with dark glasses in them. Defusing is recognizing that you're doing this and seeing that you have a choice: you can put the glasses down. See things as they are. You don't have to listen to those awful thoughts in your head that tell you that you'll make a mistake and that others will suffer. This is just a 3d movie you play in your head. You don't have to give attention to that. Don't push it away either. (says ACT) because that'll make it stronger. Just let it be there. (really difficult but practice helps!)

I know how awful it can feel although its not rational. But it's real to you because it triggers something from your past. Something that needs healing. Everytime you go into that trigger and believe that your are not worth it and someone else will get hurt etc you follow the old pattern and you won't be able to heal. Because you choose your old patterns again. Does this make any sense? Do you know what I mean? My panick attacks and axiety became so awful since last year that I didn't dare to be alone anymore and the mean voice in my head was so awful that I constantly panicked. So I read a lot about this and practiced a lot. I'm doing better but still it comes up a lot of times.

And then you'll lose touch with reality like you write. You can chose for another option. You really can. Its just difficult. But losing reality is awful too and difficult.

This is what I've learned about irrational fears the last year by reading, by the help of my therapist, by movies on youtube, by the ACT therapy I read, by trying meditating and mindfulness and staying in the now. I'm still struggling. I hope you see something that you can use in my long story. If you want to know more just let me know.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

@Yvy I'm really sorry I took so long to reply. I do truly appreciate your support and advice. I've just been exhausted and stressed so I can't concentrate very well atm. Let me know if I'm not making sense.

Unfortunately I am not able to talk to my parents about this. Well, they would listen, but it would wreck them. My history with mental illness (not just ptsd) causes them a lot of pain already. To tell them that I sometimes get so scared that I lose touch with reality would break their hearts. Nobody I know really knows what it's like to live with this. It's nice to hear from you that I'm not the only one (although of course I wouldn't wish this upon anyone here).

I looked up the toxic shame thing. Very recognizable, thanks so much for sharing. I had never heard of it before, but I can really relate to it.

Where did my fears about this start? I think when I realised that I wasn't doing well on studying for these exams. Which led to me feeling ashamed because I should have worked harder. Then I internalised that: I did not work hard enough therefore I am a failure. I am a failure and I am selfish for not fully utilizing the lessons my parents paid for me. I am toxic to the people I love because I'm so selfish. And because of me bad things happen to them.
That's when I get really upset and anxious. I think the high levels of cortisol and the high heart rate that result from that, combined with the sense of impending doom, are what causes the irrational fears. Does that make any sense? It is good for me to write this all down, thanks for the idea :) next time I feel a panic attack start I'll try to rationalize in this manner.

Everything you're saying makes a lot of sense to me. I like the metaphor about the glasses. I'll try to keep that in mind.
ACT sounds interesting. I'll read up on it and maybe when I find a new T I'll discuss it with them.

Thanks so much for your insights and support. Hugs if you accept them :hug:

 

[Yvy]

Hi thanks for your hugs. It makes total sense what you write down, because I recognize it very much. Im glad you could do a few things with what helped me too. I hope you'll find a good therapist because there's a lot behind your fear and you deserve someone who can help you with this. You're Dutch. I have found great help at Virenze. Theyre everywhere in the country. I have had very bad experiences with the GGZ and many other people I know too.
If you want to know more just let me know. Im not on here very often because I'm really tired too and have a lot of going on at the moment that stresses me out. But I'll answer when I see your message.
I wish you very much luck. And just know you can get through this. I'm sure you can. The things you are writing down I recognize as I said before and I know you can learn a lot to make it more bearable for yourself.
Veel sterkte! xxx