Partner Does Not Want To Talk About My Problems Anymore..

[Jetu]

my partner says she is sick of me talking about the help i have been getting through cbt and emdr.i still have derealisation episodes,but i have come to term with the problems that happened me since my motor accident.(c-ptsd/derealisation/concentration /memory).its been a few years,but i have adjusted to my problems and learned how to cope.i still go to therapy.
she on the other hand seems to getting more and more stressed out.when i try to talk about things.,she just says "have i got nothing else to talk about".
iv promised myself never to talk about any of the problems/help with her again.she has said this a few times now,so i will only talk to my therapist now.
not sure were this will end up.

 

[Eho]

As weird as it may sound, I've noticed the more help I get and more progress I make, the harder it is for some folks to be in my presence, and that pertains to some of my favorite folks, as well, the ones I thought would forever be there by my side, or at least remain just a phone call away. Self fully included.

We can continue to learn and improve self, sometimes even way beyond belief, but folks can only grasp things from the level of understanding they currently operate on. Not everyone is ready/able/willing to grow along, but were once more than ready to go along, and then shift happened(s). Learning to be okay within myself with where they wish to be/remain/exist is the tricky part, I've found.

I thought it was always all on me, the way I spoke of things, perhaps I overshared a few times too many, was always worried I was solely responsible for creating everyone elses discomfort myself, etc, and in some cases that may have very well been true, as I often have a hard time with filter management.

But I've also finally come to realize, with much clarity, that there are many folks hurting like hell for reasons they might not yet understand, or be willing to share, and having a front row seat to our transitions/lessons/consequences can be overwhelming.

Having us be that mirror in the fun house that they'd rather not look into, and being a constant reminder for what is/what could be/what has been/what should never be/etc., especially according to societal and familial programming, can become quite uncomfortable in creating awareness.

Feeling all the feels while creating our own space and circumstances to allow all the heals can truly weird a lot of folks out. Healing isn't something I recall ever being taught to do openly. Just a repeated observation from many years of working through my own buffet of cptsd issues within the framework of various relationship dynamics.

I did find it incredibly helpful to maintain regular therapy sessions, even when feeling more balanced within, to attend support group sessions, and to find other hobbies/interests that allows for emotional release through creative and enjoyable means while re-teaching myself to no longer fully rely on my partner for the emotional support I so badly need(ed).

Not many folks are able to offer such a large amount of support while balancing and maintaining their own health and quality of life, nor should they, for their own benefit. At first I thought having a supportive partner might be all I needed, but quickly learned it was too much of a load for them, and me too, some days.

No need to carry another's load, just carry big love for them and active compassion for their struggle as gracefully as possible. May it be returned in kind. May this long-ass ramble be helpful in some way. Wishing you well in sorting through it.

 

[Ujop]

I haven't talked about my issues with my partner in much depth, maybe save 5 times or so, in the past six years. That's what I have the forum for, and it is more helpful for me to share here with people who understand the obstacles and the overcoming of obstacles through different therapy methods and life changes.

 

[Konu]

It may not be so much that you should never talk about it again, but that she wants to know the other things about you. Hobbies, things you do outside of therapy and the like. Increase talking about those and this may work itself out.

 

[Mijiku]

Or even better, talk about her.

 

[Jojot]

iv promised myself never to talk about any of the problems/help with her again

Maybe instead of black & white / all or nothing / never & always, consider it more like baseball or Paris fashion week? That your partner loves you but that doesn't mean the only thing they wanna hear when you open your mouth are RBIs and hemlines. Balance. Can be a really hard thing with this disorder.

 

[Inub]

my partner says she is sick of me talking about the help i have been getting through cbt and emdr.i still have derealisat...

Sorry for you, because all you are trying to do is to describe your happiness about your progress. Now if that is stifled by your significant other I would question their loyalties and commitment.

Don't mean to throw darts, but when a partner voices negative emotions when their significant other is happy about certain improvements in their lives then that would mean to me that such person is trying to put another person down.

When someone loves a person that person would be equally happy about the personal triumphs of their partner.

 

[Eho]

As a supporter with my own mental and physical health issues - I have often felt that there is simply no room for my own stuff in my relationship with my sufferer, and that is stressful in itself, and causes burnout.

I am expected to fix my problems on my own, and not tell them about my little victories. If I lose weight, or find the right meds to help with my mental illness, it's brushed off. And, even when I'm in the process of doing so, and am under a doctor's care for the issues they see me as having, they don't believe me or think I'm doing enough, even when the process isn't an instant fix. I have literally had to drive myself to the doctor when I had the flu because they couldn't take me because they had a bad day at work the day before (and it was their day off).

But I've taken time off my own work to take them to appointments, have lent an ear when things are overwhelming, have picked up the slack in chores when they are in pain. And, yes, celebrated their victories with them, no matter how small.

I'm not sure if this is the case with your relationship, but sometimes the constant awareness, or even the reminder of the ever-present illness, gets overwhelming. I actually thought at one point I wasn't being supportive enough and was being impatient and overreacting; so I started keeping a note of how often my sufferer would have a complaint about their health, their pain, or have to bail on something (helping with chores, groceries, dinner, watching a movie together at home) because of their issues. It was literally every day, sometimes multiple times a day. It was a lot of walking on eggshells, too.

I have no idea if you are able to lend support yourself when your supporter needs it, if they're suffering from supporter burnout, or what. Or maybe, as someone indicated, she wants to hear about the rest of you, too.

It is so amazing you are gaining relief from your therapy. Your supporter may just be in a place right now where her OWN stress cup is close to overflowing, so even the good news about illness is still illness news, and is too much.

t first I thought having a supportive partner might be all I needed, but quickly learned it was too much of a load for them, and me too, some days.

No need to carry another's load, just carry big love for them and active compassion for their struggle as gracefully as possible. May it be returned in kind.