Partners

[Jimmy1]

Partners

I have been married twice. The first ended after a four year affair by my ex with one of my superiors. The second I blame partially on PTSD. I don't blame her for leaving or searching for someone else, as we know a person with untreated PTSD can be almost impossible to live with.

I am only 43 now and have a girlfriend who actually understands a little bit about PTSD, and does not try to understand me the person. I think this is an important point.
We will never live together while there is children in the home, but who knows where the future lies.

I believe that all partners and children/siblings have to have a basic understanding of the disorder. Otherwise they end up thinking you are a tool. I have seen many partners walk away once they find out the full symptoms that can occur and I take my hat off to any partner that sticks by their man/woman.

 

[anthony]

Yep... this is true. I will say though, you can actually change significantly through lots of hard work and self education about PTSD. The more you learn, the more you understand, and then the more you catch yourself doing something before it becomes bad. You get better at it over the years until your behaviour becomes instinctive. You can find yourself living together with kids... it can happen if you want it too, though yes, you must always understand and realise that you will need space to manage yourself and keep your daily stressors limited.

Then... I also like your view about just keeping living separate and enjoying good times together instead. If it works, use it I say.

 

[Lost kanuck]

I have to agree with you Aussie. I have a girlfriend who is very supportive. She came into my life 2 years after I was diagnosed. It has been a very steep learning curve for her, but she is very pro active about getting educated on the issues that arise from PTSD. The no living with your current girlfriend is similar to the situation I am in. We have decided not to live together for the same reasons. We just enjoy the times we have together.

 

[Jimmy1]

Well mate you are a lucky man to have someone so supportive, and willing to understand. If she is having any difficulty, you should point her to the carers section at the other website.
The link is www.ptsdforum.org. There are some really lovely people there who may be able to give her some advice.

Jimmy

 

[anthony]

I am an avid believer in what works, works... and don't f*ckup a good thing I say. If you can have a better relationship by living independently, do so... if you both can do so under the one roof, do so. I know people who have separate rooms in the same house, but are actually together, as the sufferer needs their own space and the spouse is understanding about it... it works, do it and stick with it providing both are happy. If one is not, then change must occur, give and take or split is also an option.

Its not surprising that for many with PTSD who get divorced, end-up in relationships where they both have their own place and then spend nights at each house, nights alone.... basically really enjoy the time they spend together which usually ends up with much less stress for both concerned. We all know... piss a person with PTSD off, and then the other in the relationship wears the stress along with the sufferer.

What works is effective I say.