People Pleaser

[Bookoffee]

I am a huge people pleaser. I break down if someone doesn't like me or will not respond in the manner I expect.

I know this stems from my childhood. I was bounced around so many times that I wanted someone to like and love me enough to keep me. I would try to figure out what they wanted from me and try to give it all the time until it usually becomes a problem from over doing it.

I still have the issues today where I am trying to figure out what people want from me to pay attention to me. I feel like I am still trapped in my childhood. I now have a very loving and supportive wife with animals and plans to have children within the next couple of years.

I want to get past this feeling of needing everyone's approval. I have it through my wife, I am in a safe and comfortable environment for the first time and I can not let go of my people pleasing method. It is truly annoying.

Does anyone else go through this and how do you deal it?

Usually when I think I have made a mistake to please someone, I will make the statement "I wish I were dead" and sometimes I will even choke myself. I am tired of living in my child mind.

 

[SaySomething]

I'm a people pleaser, too. In fact, a lot of my relationships burn out because I give and give until I have nothing left. At that point, I fully expect people to walk away from me. Luckily, I have a couple friends who've persisted over the years, and I've discovered that they don't always NEED to take from me ... they want to give, as well. It takes a lot of time to build up faith and trust in another human being, but once I realize WHO can handle seeing me as I really am, I stop trying so hard to please those people.

I hope that someday, I'll get to a place where I can be my true and honest self all the time. I hope I'll realize that people who don't like me as I am are not people with whom I need to pursue a relationship. For now, I limit my contact with people in general (I'm not saying it's a good coping technique, but it's what I'm working with at the moment). I know it's hard, and I hope you continue to find ways to make your life better and healthier!

 

[mrsps]

I also am a people pleaser. Always trying to make sure I do what others want /say what others want to hear. By doing this I am hurting myself! But I don't know how to change it.

 

[anthony]

There is one single resource that you want for this: Dead Link Removed

It is the bible for changing behaviour. People pleasing is behaviour, not personality, not like confuse.

 

[Deleted member 31998]

As someone who still suffers from being a people pleasure, I can advise you that I am still in the process of getting out of it. As selfish as it may seem, remember that most of the time it doesn't benefit you. Imagine focusing on what you want and desire, and how you can only obtain it by focusing on your life and happiness. The downside to this is that you may get called selfish but in the long run it is entirely worth it. Consider it self respect. Those who deem you selfish due to you focusing on your own life are the ones that will drain you.

Warmest Wishes,
Jasmine