Physical Pain Relieved Some By Major Muscle Exertion

[Chava]

I have chronic back pain that gets very ugly when I'm stressed for too long. I think it's a combination protective and possible fight responses (and I'll maybe never know what related because there are too many possibilities...general protective response, but also lungs collapsing as a kid, and having my mom break my bedroom door against my back, and being trapped).

Anyway, my back is a mess today. On one hand I realize I need to get better at finding outlets for whatever fight/flight or protective energy is getting all jammed up in there. But I also need to be able to tolerate rest. Sometimes I have no idea what I need. When in pain I feel very weak, but if I find a way to work with the stuff behind the pain I find I'm fiercely strong (like I can bench press my weight and I don't lift weights). This evening, even with my back in a mess, I sat against the wall in the garage and pressed my feet against my car. Sort of with an idiot sense of humor I wanted to test if I could sort of flip it. No. Bored much? But it felt great. Basically it feels good to feel strong. But also, I assume some myofascial releasing in my back and using up my strongest muscles (legs) to push.

I've also noticed when having a sort of sick-feeling panic (jumpy, uncomfortable heart arrhythmia, sick feeling), if I push against something and use up those big muscles, I come back to a calmer place.

All of this seems counter-intuitive. But it's been helpful to do body-focused trauma therapy. I don't fear I will break all the time. I have pain and that means I have a mega load of energy in my muscles (in many cases) and I'm actually really strong. And when I feel like I'm dying and should rest (panic), I need to move, or push, or seriously exert some big muscle strength. I'm not saying it's like this for everyone, but it's one of the discoveries that's been really good for me. A few years ago a doctor told me not to over-exert myself because I might pass out or have a heart attack (recovering from anorexia). I'm not saying that wasn't good advice. But I sat around, developed panic attacks and chronic pain.

I really wish I could afford a Pilates reformer at my house. I'm not into weights, but more like resistance and springs, and I guess just pushing cars. For those of you with either pain or pent-up fight energy, what kinds of activities help you feel better?

 

[Friday]

I have to be very careful I don't dive into self harm with exercise (exercise as the tool)... That said:

:D !!! Yep. Gross motor when I'm one way, fine motor when I'm the other (my ideation doesn't co-exist well with attention to detail. It's far more bull in China shop).

My best are when I'm able to combine the two, like in certain sports where both gross motor and fine motor are needed AND when there is an unstable element in play. Like a partner (sparring partner, horse, gravity, tides) that I have to react to and with, so I throw in the cognitive as well.

I'm getting more and more into circus arts, these days. Aerial stuff, mostly. It's an awesome combo between strength (which is sucky, right now), climbing, gymnastics, and gravity. I'm trying to find a place I can set up rigging to my ceiling. Also more into martial arts. But my isolating makes that hard. Standbys are snowboarding, gymnastics, horseback riding, and watersports. These are mostly free, where I live (not the horses), but have very limited seasons. Hence the trying to find stuff I can do indoors.

 

[Chava]

Circus arts, with training, would also be a cool way to work with the thrill-seeker (risk-taker) in some of us....like having supports instead of jumping off a house just to see what it will feel like. You have a great list of things @FridayJones . I do need to rest this morning but then I have to get moving.

 

[greenleaf]

Hi @Chava, I lifted weights for many years... Still doing some but have to be kinder to my body now, I seem not to be 20 years old anymore! Weird how that happened.

Have you ever tried that machine where you sit down and push with your legs on a plate to lift weights?

A good thing about weight machines... they help keep you doing the exercise in a safe position, so joints are less likely to get messed up. Having a strong body is so helpful in lots of ways... messing it up is really not what I want to do. I do mild workouts most days to keep stress hormones down, and the muscles seem better as a result but it's a management not a cure.

I used to sit in my bedroom with my back against the door and my legs pushing against a dresser to keep my brother from attacking me; he never broke the door against my back though. Jeez.

I'm finding massage really helpful to get feeling back in numb shoulder and neck muscles that I never realized were tight and numb constantly, by the way... not sure if that could help your back...? It feels great when sensation comes back in a small area; it's going very slowly for me and is weird to explain. I'm also getting physical therapy for joint mobilization in these areas, the muscles around various neck and back joints seem to have just always been tight or something.

If you press on the same muscles but on each side of your body, sometimes it's obvious that one side has a lot more sensation and the other is just numb. Having numb deep muscles or whatever is hard to notice for me otherwise, since it's not in my awareness like pain.

However the massage and physical therapy are great; it's not just to "feel good", but to actually help it feel safe to feel those muscles at all, maybe? and to relax them a bit progressively. It has taken months of work to get some progress, it's very slow but my neck joints are much more mobile now. The muscles that move better feel quite good, it's pleasant.

I have never been able to "just relax" various muscles, and found it really frustrating over the years to try "relaxation sessions" where people consciously relax their bodies.

Tight muscles sometimes seem to have old emotional contexts "inside" them when they are starting to relax; it's not like a bright nasty flashback, but more like a faint pervasive emotion that I need to sit and experience quietly, then the muscle is happier to relax.

 

[scout86]

I have a couple of spots in my shoulders and upper back that get sore when I'm stressed. A year and a half of therapy and I've finally noticed that "feeling stressed" is what that pain means. For these specific muscles, it helps if I do rotator cuff exercises, but that's because of which muscles they are. Lifting weights helps. If I'm really wound up generally, running helps. An ex bf had a punching bag, that helped A LOT. I think you're on the right track!

 

[Chava]

Thanks @greenleaf. I think massage is really good if done carefully (like don't force a locked muscle to loosen up...I think that's what happened when I had a massage one afternoon and woke up in the middle of the night, several hours later, having an intense urge to destroy myself...I just haven't gone back to massage). Muscle relaxants help but I have to be somewhat willing or ready to slow down, otherwise my body just fights hard against them and it gets worse. I'd LOVE something like a leg press machine right now. I do not have a gym membership at the moment. I think I'm going to walk up some steep hills with my dog. That feels good too. I just want to feel peace..