Physical pain and depression

[whiteraven]

For the last few months (or longer, maybe) I have been dealing with a lot of physical pain. I've always - as far back as I can remember - had lower back and hip pain, but I'm also having pain that feels like bruising on all extremity bones and rib cage and sternum. That's from costochondritis, I think. Last week, I started having really bad knee pain - I don't remember injuring it, but it feels like I did.

Today was horrible. The pain was intense. I finally went to bed this afternoon, hoping it would subside (and truthfully, because I was sooo depressed), but it doesn't matter what I do - sit, stand, lie down - I'm in pain.

The pain makes the depression so much worse. It's like, it overshadows everything else. I don't feel like killing myself, but I have been thinking I just can't deal with this - the depression AND the pain - much longer.

Not looking for answers. Mostly just needing to share.

 

[Abstract]

Do understand the relentlessness and exhaustion of chronic pain. It isn't fun.

 

[ladee]

I too, understand the pain that never lets up. And if I'm not already depressed, after awhile, I get depressed.

 

[Friday]

I’ll probably emigrate at some point, just because the US is nutsy cuckoo about pain management. Between the politicians and insurance companies I’m not actually sure doctors are even allowed to practice medicine anymore these days :rolleyes: Slight exaggeration, but as the years go by, seems like less and less of one.

My stuff isn’t too bad, right now. It’s still stuff I’ve been dealing with between 20-30 years. And stuff I’ll be dealing with the rest o’ my life.

The reason I bring those 2 things up? Emigrating and how long I’ve been doing this?

1. I have options. Not right this second, but they are still very real options, and they do exist. Now? Is not forever.

2. i’m Fortunate enough to have had excellent care in the past. This includes years of physical therapy, sports med, psych (dissociating from chronic pain, without blurring your life? An invaluable skill. And only one of many), surgery, great GPs, etc. Truly a huge great big long list of working with some of the best people, getting my banged up self in the best way possible. I know what that looks like. It’s something I intend to do more of. I have pretty crap care at the moment, but again, that’s a temporary situation.

It would be very easy to narrow my focus to how f*cked up I am right now this second (been there, done that, and will probably do it again), and how crap my care is right now, and sink into a hole of “it’s always going to be like this”. It’s not. It will be worse & it will be better. Some of that is outside of my control, some of it I can work toward.

 

[whiteraven]

I’ll probably emigrate at some point, just because the US is nutsy cuckoo about pain management. Between the politicians and insurance companies I’m not actually sure doctors are even allowed to practice medicine anymore these days :rolleyes: Slight exaggeration, but as the years go by, seems like less and less of one.

If I had the option, I likely would leave. The US health care system is "nutsy cuckoo" about everything. With doctors doing research that is 100% funded by pharmacy giants and compensated by the tests they order for their patients and a complete inability to think outside the box, it doesn't at all surprise me that quality of life for so many people is so poor. And never mind the insurance companies...

I have options. Not right this second, but they are still very real options, and they do exist. Now? Is not forever.

Yeah, I guess I'm having trouble with that. I have heard the "it's not forever" thing for decades. I feel like I'm out of options. I have tried and tried for a very long time and things tend to get worse instead of better.

i’m Fortunate enough to have had excellent care in the past.

It's good to hear someone has. I've tried. Moved around to different doctors, tried all sorts of treatments and meds (including some non-traditional ones), sought out specialists for additional opinions/care, In the vast majority of the cases, things did not improve or were made worse.

It would be very easy to narrow my focus to how f*cked up I am right now this second (been there, done that, and will probably do it again), and how crap my care is right now, and sink into a hole of “it’s always going to be like this”. It’s not. It will be worse & it will be better. Some of that is outside of my control, some of it I can work toward.

Yeah. I think the depression contributes to my difficulty in just going with it. Cognitively, I understand this generally (spiritually, as well, since my belief system stresses impermanence and non-attachment), but accessing that is just really hard right now.

 

[ladee]

I know my stress level always plays a part in the level of pain, and sometimes my inabilty,or lack of awarness, to take alternative actions to lessen the pain.

Even after all this lifetime of being aware and working on healing my mind, heart and soul, I still do not pay attention to my body.

When the pain is worse, I am slowly learning that things are going on within me, that I am not paying attention to, and just continue to blunder thru my life.

As I have gotten older (68), of course it gets my attention faster as my mobility has lessened. There are just some things I can no longer do. And I did have to grieve that. My brain still says I can do the physical things I love, my body says NO.

I am not aging with Grace. The pain reminds me of that every day.

 

[Abstract]

I have to say I manage mine so much better these days and despite professionals. Even the ones that supposedly know sometimes don't. And being ptsd symptomatic often aggravates some of it. I did a whole lot of reading myself and a whole lot of finding out what worked for me. I don't have the finances to do even half of what I would like to do but it has helped a lot. One of the biggest lessons is that thinking just one linea factor is responsible just isnt true. Its a global big picture and keeping on top of everything that seems to end up helping longer term. If that makes sense. I'm lucky too as depression doing well at present and that does make it easier to cope with everything else. Radical acceptance was one of the most helpful skills I found when it comes to pain.

 

[Muttly]

First of all, I hear you and I am sorry you are dealing with that. I have been there and know how miserable it is.

When things are at there worst, i tend to narrow my focus. I play a lot of video games or do art. Which, really, as Friday is a way of dissociating from the pain and the thoughts of feeling stuck in the pain.

I hope you can find your own way to ride things out.