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MyWifeHasPTSD
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Who said anything about divorce?
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Supporter Please Help, I'm Now Homeless Due To My Wife's Ptsd; We Also Have 2 Young Kids.
- Post starter MyWifeHasPTSD
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- #26
MyWifeHasPTSD
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...and what kind of person makes light of another person being homeless, due to someone's untreated PTSD?
I am really sorry that you are where you are. Instead of trashing your wife why don't you take some responsibility for your own life and do something about finding a job or finding some help to get yourself a home. I know that is easier said than done but blaming everything on her does not help you in any way. I am sure that your feelings must cloud your time with your children and that is just not fair to them or to you. You deserve a happy life, they deserve a happy life and the only way to do that is to stop, see where you are and go forward from here.
I don't want to be harsh because I have been where you are, my marriage fell apart because of the actions of my ex-husband. I still blame him sometimes when it gets hard but I don't wallow, I take responsibility for my own life and I moved forward. Your children deserve a parent that isn't wallowing and does everything he can to make his life better so that he can be there for them.
I don't want to be harsh because I have been where you are, my marriage fell apart because of the actions of my ex-husband. I still blame him sometimes when it gets hard but I don't wallow, I take responsibility for my own life and I moved forward. Your children deserve a parent that isn't wallowing and does everything he can to make his life better so that he can be there for them.
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- #28
MyWifeHasPTSD
New Here
How I'm I "wallowing" and "trashing my wife"? Everything I stated was 100% FACT. Bottom line: you know next to nothing about me, or the hell I've been through, so please spare me w/ your trite opinions. "I am really sorry that you are where you are." sure you are ; )
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I'd like to clarify, this isn't speaking for anyone else and only from my own viewpoint.
MyWifeHasPTSD, this is a forum where many people are used to being on the other side of a restraining order, ie trying to get one against someone who is aggressive, belligerent, attacking and self-justifying .
To hear that your wife is filing for restraining orders against you, and you're asking for sympathy for that, might be a leap for many of us here. However, it might be a leap people are prepared to take, depending on how you post. Because this is also a forum where people understand that it's tough to support someone with PTSD.
Something I'm struggling with is the "support" bit. You don't sound like a typical supporter. If I'm very honest - and please correct me if I'm wrong - it seems to be that you're not feeling all that supportive of your wife.
All people know about you is what you post here. If you think someone has got the wrong idea... well, you're free to explain why it's wrong. If you think someone doesn't know enough about you, please say more. But please keep it civil.
And please bear in mind that many people here are going to feel protective of anyone we think might be on the receiving end of aggression. I'm sure that, as a Christian, you can understand and accept that.
MyWifeHasPTSD, this is a forum where many people are used to being on the other side of a restraining order, ie trying to get one against someone who is aggressive, belligerent, attacking and self-justifying .
To hear that your wife is filing for restraining orders against you, and you're asking for sympathy for that, might be a leap for many of us here. However, it might be a leap people are prepared to take, depending on how you post. Because this is also a forum where people understand that it's tough to support someone with PTSD.
Something I'm struggling with is the "support" bit. You don't sound like a typical supporter. If I'm very honest - and please correct me if I'm wrong - it seems to be that you're not feeling all that supportive of your wife.
All people know about you is what you post here. If you think someone has got the wrong idea... well, you're free to explain why it's wrong. If you think someone doesn't know enough about you, please say more. But please keep it civil.
And please bear in mind that many people here are going to feel protective of anyone we think might be on the receiving end of aggression. I'm sure that, as a Christian, you can understand and accept that.
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I seem to see this differently to others here. I see the site as doing various things. Supporting those with PTSD primarily; supporting those who are supporters of someone with PTSD but also a site to support those who come in contact with someone with PTSD.
I don't automatically believe someone is the innocent party just because they have PTSD. Every spectrum of human being can get PTSD and there will be some who are the abusers in a relationships and gender doesn't have to come into it. On the other hand we know nothing about anyone who posts one here other than what they tell us. Most of us have been manipulated and lied to and have been seriously misportrayed to others. We know that that is possible here too. That is where most of us will be coming from with this.
There are people who use things such as restraining orders and children as a way of manipulating and controlling others. There are also those who go around whitewashing their behaviour and blaming the consequences on the other person. We don't know which of these is the case for Mywifehas PTSD.
The main thing in my mind is the children. Either way it does not seem ideal at all. Understatement.
MywifehasPTSD,
I am trying to understand how this supposedly caused you to loose your job? What were the grounds for loosing your job? What were the grounds for the restraining orders? Is there anything you are leaving out that we should know? Have you ever been physical with your wife or children?
I am guessing that your wife has been affected by seeing all the sexual abuse in her family and has trust issues around men bathing children. I don't think that is unusual at all although I understand it made you feel excluded. I know the legitimacy of the reasons does not take away your right to have your own sense of loss. Do you know about hypervigilence?
I don't automatically believe someone is the innocent party just because they have PTSD. Every spectrum of human being can get PTSD and there will be some who are the abusers in a relationships and gender doesn't have to come into it. On the other hand we know nothing about anyone who posts one here other than what they tell us. Most of us have been manipulated and lied to and have been seriously misportrayed to others. We know that that is possible here too. That is where most of us will be coming from with this.
There are people who use things such as restraining orders and children as a way of manipulating and controlling others. There are also those who go around whitewashing their behaviour and blaming the consequences on the other person. We don't know which of these is the case for Mywifehas PTSD.
The main thing in my mind is the children. Either way it does not seem ideal at all. Understatement.
MywifehasPTSD,
I am trying to understand how this supposedly caused you to loose your job? What were the grounds for loosing your job? What were the grounds for the restraining orders? Is there anything you are leaving out that we should know? Have you ever been physical with your wife or children?
I am guessing that your wife has been affected by seeing all the sexual abuse in her family and has trust issues around men bathing children. I don't think that is unusual at all although I understand it made you feel excluded. I know the legitimacy of the reasons does not take away your right to have your own sense of loss. Do you know about hypervigilence?
KP the nut
VIP Member
@MyWifeHasPTSD you are posting on a forum, looking for support. Members are only trying to clarify your situation to offer support. Please keep your answers civil and not sarcastic, eg
ms spock
VIP Member
Hello and Welcome to the Forum.
Explaining with courtesy and patience will enable us to better to support you.
If you are brusque with people then they will either withdraw or not be able to give you the support or advice that might help you.
Please remember that quite a few people put an amazing amount of effort into running this forum so it is important to be gracious and kind to other people here. Just like you would like to be treated - with respect and kindness. If people ask you questions it is best not to belittle them but to answer as clearly as you can.
Otherwise you won't receive the advice and assistance that you are so clearly seeking.
Are you in therapy to help you manage your issues? I suggest to most supporters I come into contact with to get into therapy.
Explaining with courtesy and patience will enable us to better to support you.
If you are brusque with people then they will either withdraw or not be able to give you the support or advice that might help you.
Please remember that quite a few people put an amazing amount of effort into running this forum so it is important to be gracious and kind to other people here. Just like you would like to be treated - with respect and kindness. If people ask you questions it is best not to belittle them but to answer as clearly as you can.
Otherwise you won't receive the advice and assistance that you are so clearly seeking.
Are you in therapy to help you manage your issues? I suggest to most supporters I come into contact with to get into therapy.
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- #33
MyWifeHasPTSD
New Here
In reply to Abstract (post #30): Hello, & thanks for your interest in trying to help. You stated, "There are people who use things such as restraining orders and children as a way of manipulating and controlling others. There are also those who go around whitewashing their behaviour and blaming the consequences on the other person." BINGO! That's exactly what she is doing (mostly the 1st one, ...manipulating and controlling...; but she's doing both), & it's so damn destructive & unfair to my kids & I.
She's filed 5 R. O.'s in the last 8 years. Which leads me to another answer to one your Q's, "What were the grounds for losing your job?": Every time a R. O. is filed, I end up having to leave our home. This is extremely depressing & inconvenient, as she wont let me see our kids for weeks/months as a time, & I end up having to live in my car each time-- that's how i lost my job. My employer got tired of having to deal w/ these marital/family issues (3 separate times) at it effected my work product. And no, I've never been physical w/ my wife or kids; all you need to do to have a R. O. filed in CA is say, "he said this or that, & I'm scared"-- sadly, no proof of anything is needed.
And lastly, you asked, "Do you know about hypervigilence?": I believe I've read that somewhere; is it similar to 'fight or flight' response? Thanks again for your interest : )
She's filed 5 R. O.'s in the last 8 years. Which leads me to another answer to one your Q's, "What were the grounds for losing your job?": Every time a R. O. is filed, I end up having to leave our home. This is extremely depressing & inconvenient, as she wont let me see our kids for weeks/months as a time, & I end up having to live in my car each time-- that's how i lost my job. My employer got tired of having to deal w/ these marital/family issues (3 separate times) at it effected my work product. And no, I've never been physical w/ my wife or kids; all you need to do to have a R. O. filed in CA is say, "he said this or that, & I'm scared"-- sadly, no proof of anything is needed.
And lastly, you asked, "Do you know about hypervigilence?": I believe I've read that somewhere; is it similar to 'fight or flight' response? Thanks again for your interest : )
ms spock
VIP Member
I am sorry to read you are having such a hard time of it. Can you go to a shelter or somewhere to get some assistance? Is there any free counseling that you can access to you can work out ways to manage such a difficult situation?
StarChild
Sponsor
Welcome to the forum @MyWifeHasPTSD, the title of your thread says: "Please help....." May I ask, what kind of help you're actually looking for, and what kind of help you wish to receive from us?
(I'm glad you're beginning to open up.:tup: We're here and listen to you)
(I'm glad you're beginning to open up.:tup: We're here and listen to you)
ms spock
VIP Member
@MyWifeHasPTSD I notice that you took on board the advice of responding clearly and calmly to other people's questions which is big of you given the situation you are in and how hard a time you are having. That shows resilience and fortitude.
It also means that forum members can share their ideas and expertise with you.
I understand that being homeless means things are extra difficult for you. If you get to a library and get better internet access then there are great Help Pages and a Help Desk to post to if you need forum advice. But it will probably be some time until you have the brain space to look at that. So if you get an email about rules just remember the Mods work hard and do lots of stuff behind the scenes so take that in the good spirit it is meant which is to give us all access to this great (in my opinion) great forum.
It also means that forum members can share their ideas and expertise with you.
I understand that being homeless means things are extra difficult for you. If you get to a library and get better internet access then there are great Help Pages and a Help Desk to post to if you need forum advice. But it will probably be some time until you have the brain space to look at that. So if you get an email about rules just remember the Mods work hard and do lots of stuff behind the scenes so take that in the good spirit it is meant which is to give us all access to this great (in my opinion) great forum.
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