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Name
Please, read it all.. please. I need some help, you'd be my savior.
So... it all started when I was 3 years old when I by accident saw some sexual scene on TV. It mad feel an erection, I didn't know what that feeling was but I liked it. I tried to have it on several objects, like pillows. I had a younger 1 year old brother and btw. I am a male.
Once a time I was alone in a room with my brother. My mother had to close the door for cleaning, I remember I tried to "show" him that feeling by getting my pants off and sleep on the bed with pants off. We did nothing but just this. He told me he liked that feeling. I understood nothing.. didn't know how gay and LGBT actions are that bad. I really feel bad... We may have slept over each other as "games" for like 4-5 times but we had our cloth on all those times.
We treated each other like I did with pillows. Hugs, kisses and sleeping over, just fullifying our feelings. I remember being mostly the dominant part. We understood nothing about it all.
I am very depressed... I don't know why it came up in my mind when I was 12. I never thought of it, I had suicidal ideas when I remembered it. I tried to research enough until I found that it may be OCD. You fear gay sexual desires that your mind creates a whole imagination world. A whole scene of gay sex. Otherwise I may have been molested and it was the reason of my sexual feelings despite that I never remember any of these. My parents were with me almost all the time when we were out-home and I don't remember we have some bad persons in our family especially in the region we live in.
I am now 15, I made sure I have OCD but from some other type, I don't know if this is also OCD or not.. I feel so bad. I regret my life, I feel ashamed of myself and I feel sad for my brother, father and mother... I don't want to make them feel bad.. I wish I didn't affect something in my brother.. whenever I ask my brother indirectly, like "have we ever slept over each other while playing?", he denies it and takes it as a joke. He's 12 now. I think he doesn't remember it or otherwise it had never happened and it's just my OCD. What worried me was that when we played today a normal game, I saw that he had an erection.
Can you please answer those questions along your discussions and opinions?
Did this affect any of our futures?
Did this destroy any of our psychologies?
Did this affect our sexual drives?
Does that make any of us "gay" althought we never made our bodies touch except for maybe the first time?
Is there a treatment?
Thank you if you answer.. :)
So... it all started when I was 3 years old when I by accident saw some sexual scene on TV. It mad feel an erection, I didn't know what that feeling was but I liked it. I tried to have it on several objects, like pillows. I had a younger 1 year old brother and btw. I am a male.
Once a time I was alone in a room with my brother. My mother had to close the door for cleaning, I remember I tried to "show" him that feeling by getting my pants off and sleep on the bed with pants off. We did nothing but just this. He told me he liked that feeling. I understood nothing.. didn't know how gay and LGBT actions are that bad. I really feel bad... We may have slept over each other as "games" for like 4-5 times but we had our cloth on all those times.
We treated each other like I did with pillows. Hugs, kisses and sleeping over, just fullifying our feelings. I remember being mostly the dominant part. We understood nothing about it all.
I am very depressed... I don't know why it came up in my mind when I was 12. I never thought of it, I had suicidal ideas when I remembered it. I tried to research enough until I found that it may be OCD. You fear gay sexual desires that your mind creates a whole imagination world. A whole scene of gay sex. Otherwise I may have been molested and it was the reason of my sexual feelings despite that I never remember any of these. My parents were with me almost all the time when we were out-home and I don't remember we have some bad persons in our family especially in the region we live in.
I am now 15, I made sure I have OCD but from some other type, I don't know if this is also OCD or not.. I feel so bad. I regret my life, I feel ashamed of myself and I feel sad for my brother, father and mother... I don't want to make them feel bad.. I wish I didn't affect something in my brother.. whenever I ask my brother indirectly, like "have we ever slept over each other while playing?", he denies it and takes it as a joke. He's 12 now. I think he doesn't remember it or otherwise it had never happened and it's just my OCD. What worried me was that when we played today a normal game, I saw that he had an erection.
Can you please answer those questions along your discussions and opinions?
Did this affect any of our futures?
Did this destroy any of our psychologies?
Did this affect our sexual drives?
Does that make any of us "gay" althought we never made our bodies touch except for maybe the first time?
Is there a treatment?
Thank you if you answer.. :)
