Police Are Involved

[Healing Reins]

Hi,

So I'll start with the back story which will lead up to the event.
Questions are in bold also :]


Back story:
So basically I go to a school for kids with trauma and depression. I go there because my friend shot himself in class one day at school and it was really traumatic (not the reason I'm on the sight) but.. About the school though- It's really therapeutic, and I have a love/ hate- relationship with it. So basically I asked if I could talk to my counselor at school one on one and she said yes, so we started talking and I asked her if a guy forcing you to do oral on him was illegal she said yes and then she asked if there was anything I wanted to tell her and I told her the truth- Cory- this guy I know forced me to preform oral on him.. (Again not the reason I'm on here) So she reported it to DHS (Department of Human Services) DHS investigated and now the cops are involved

What's going on now:
Last thursday I had to talk to the cops for about 4-5 hours about what happened they said that Cory could possibly be charged with a measure 11 crime- which means prison. So I told them what happened with Cory answered all the questions truthfully and did the best I could with out disassociating or flashing back. I don't usually have flashbacks about cory, but when I get stressed out I get flashbacks of my rape...anyway I talked to the cops and the cops said they would have to talk to him, even though I have evidence that he did what he did and even though I told the cops I don't know if I wanted anything done.

Why I'm posting:
So the reason why I'm posting about this is to ask if anyone else has had a similar situation? And also when I was talking I kept talking about it like it wasn't serious and I had a smile on my face because I was so nervous. he and I sent back text messages back and forth of what happened, it's been a year since it happened, and a year of contact and "I love you"s to him. The cops questioned me about that- why I wanted to still have contact with him why I felt like I needed to talk to him, I don't know why I pretended to care about him, I I don't even know why I told him I loved him, I guess I told him I loved him because I needed someone to tell that to, and I needed to feel like someone cared about me. I feel like I used him in a way because I wanted to be cared about, but then this whole bad thing is happening way to fast. A week ago no one knew about it, and now it feels like everyone knows about it. I really want everyone to not know about it, and I just want it to go away. In a weird way I kind of feel like it was my fault because I led him on so much it was bound to happen. Am I bad because I used him? Did I use him? When I talked to my teacher about the using him part she said that I didn't use him, that we all feel the need to feel cared about and we all sometimes want to feel cared about so we go to people who we think, or know care about us and use them... is she right? She said It wasn't my fault and I didn't use him but I really don't believe her.

What I want:
I want him in prison, but at the same time I feel like what he did isn't bad enough to be in prison.. like what if he's in prison and other prisoners go to him and ask him "Why are you here" and he replies "I forced a girl to suck my d*ck" Like that doesn't sound... bad does it? I feel like I don't feel like it's bad enough for him to go to prison. I'm scared that they will just drop the case, but at the same time I kind of want them to drop the case....Do you think they will just drop the case? Also I get really scared easily, but part of me is scared that he will shoot me. I think the reason why I think this is because I just had a friend shoot himself and it's really raw still and so I'm probably putting the two together which isn't healthy.

I know that a guy forcing you to do oral really isn't that serious. I mean there is so much more that is serious, but I just feel like with the police knowing that this is a bigger deal than it needs to be...does that make any sense?

Thanks to all who post!

Also if I get the chance Should I take this to court? Like should he be locked up for what he did?

 

[lavieboheme]

It's is not your fault and I agree with your teacher. And if it's left you in a "funk" [as I like to describe ptsdy-ey things] then it is serious. I had something really similar happen to me with a guy [except I never told anyone about it] and it took me long while to finally "figure out" that what happened was wrong, if you know what I mean? Like, at the time I thought I was making a big deal out of nothing, but now that I look back on it and I take into account the mental things it left me with, I realise that it's not such a small thing after all and that I was right for feeling violated and whatnot. So, basically what I'm saying is that right now, because it's still kinda going on it seems like the issue is a something small that's being blown up, but further down the road you might realise that it's not so small? Sorry if none of this really makes sense! :shy: PS It's nice[?] to see another "younger person" on here [or at least it makes me feel less alone]. I myself am a junior in hs and I'm finding that being a teenager and PTSD is a bad combo in my book. I hope you have a nice day/evening/night!

 

[Justmehere]

I'm very proud of you for talking to the police! Even though it was really hard, and you were understandably nervously smiling, it sounds like you handled it very well.

It would probably be a good idea to speak to a victim advocate about your questions. They have victim advocates with the DA and police departments.

95% of cases in the legal system in the US are resolved via plea deals and not by trials and it will be up to the police and DA if this gets prosecuted or not. You do have many victim rights to give a statement at sentencing, and you should find out about and use all your rights - but you don't have a choice in him getting prosecuted or not, in this going to court or not.

He is the one who had the choice to not commit the crime if sexual assault.

I'm so sorry for what happened to you. People who commit sexual assault should face consequences in the justice system, even if that means prision. It helps prevent them from harming others.

It is not your fault. You should not have continued contacting him, but there is absolutely nothing you can do that would make sexual assault your fault.

I hope you have ceased contacting him now.

You might want to be extremely careful posting names and other very detailed information since this is now being handled by the legal system. You are giving a lot of detail, and that's ok and up to you to do, but it is so much detail that someone might be able to find this and link it to you. Anything you post here online could be discovered by police, prosecution, or even his defense counsel - and could be used in court in his defense in ways that could be very twisted ways.

 

[NovemberStar]

I am so glad for you speaking out.

I don't think its unusual you keep in contact with him and sent him 'I love yous' after what he did. In fact, for me, having come from a history of child abuse and fear, it is exactly what I would have done. It is exactly what I did too - my mother was my abuser. One time she shut me in my bedroom cupboard and I was so terrified I would die - I couldn't breathe, I was terrified of the dark, I screamed out "I can't breath, I can't breath!' SHe just held the door shut with her foot. I was about 5 years old. Suddenly, she opened the door, crying, upset, 'I'm so sorry i'm so sorry, please forgive me I didn't mean too, I am so sorry!' I let her hug me, and said 'its ok' and then I made an extra effort to make her THINK it was all ok and that I loved her.

Why? Because I was so damn scared of her. Chances are, maybe you were so scared he would do it again, or worse - you did not know he was capable of making you that afraid. Probably out of 'nowhere' he terrorized you and forced you to do that. Makes perfect sense then, to make sure he thinks all is ok - if he thought you did not like him or love him - then what the hell would he do to you?!!!

I have no idea if that is why, but that's what I did and why.

 

[NovemberStar]

ps) it IS very serious - that is why it IS a crime!

Chances are, if you heard one of your friends or your little sister had been molested; that they had had a boy or man touch them (without oral sex or rape) and leave them scared and terrified and awful, and sick - would you not think that was wrong and awful and the boy or man should be punished for it?

Sexual abuse and violence is wrong, it is ALWAYS serious, and it is always a crime. I think part of you is trying to protect yourself from the seriousness of it, because the alternative is accepting the reality of what he did and how awful it was at the time.

 

[Healing Reins]

Should I delete my account? I feel like I should because I have talked about both traumas the rape and then now this on here and I don't want any trace of them

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Deleting your account won't delete anything you've written.

Change your name to something completely unrelated to your actual name...is that your name?... (and I'm assuming birthdate?), and use a generic avatar.

Edit...then you can change your settings so no one can see your past username.

 

[Healing Reins]

how do I do that

 

[Healing Reins]

how do I make it so they cant see my past name?

 

[Healing Reins]

I think I've changed everything. Thank you so much!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

how do I make it so they cant see my past name?

Privacy > uncheck "view your identities" box.

Admins can always see everything. That just prevents any members from seeing it.

 

[Healing Reins]

I think I changed everything. do I need to change anything else?