Power Through Or Take A Break?

[Panda Bear]

Been working crazy hard on processing some trauma since end of Ocotber. I really want to end the oct, nov, dec crazy depression, anxiety, nightmares, sleep and suicidal cycle that happens each year.

As we head into Christmas, I'm feeling soooo very tired. I want a break, just one little week off from the work. T told me last week that its best we keep working, it's much harder to stop and start than to just brave it. Won't be but a few more weeks and my internal clock will fade, and the trauma from this season will end, and I'll be back to feeling nothing.

I know he is right, I have the skills to proceed. I'm recovering okay afterwards, everything is in check and safe. But I'm soooo tired and the sessions are crazy intense and powerful. My heart is breaking, and I loath being an emotional mess. But at the same time I'm getting so much out of processing this stuff, like sleep! But I hate the feelings! I hate the crying, the connection, the vulnerability...yuck! Even though I know it'll make me feel better.

Maybe I just needed to write it out, I know that I need to keep working. But if T offers me a light session next week, I'm totally taking it!!

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @Panda Bear, I hope you reach your goals & yes this is a bad time of year for me too. So stick with the plan & I hope you find some peace & your thoughts running around you, take a break!
Kind regards,
B1

 

[Friday]

It's amazing how sometimes we can talk ourselves into the best situations, and out of the worst ones, just by needing to write shit down. Finding the right answers, even if they aren't the wanted answers.

 

[angrypanda]

I was there myself last month. I have two therapists, one saying work harder and come more, the other saying +pause+. I decided to pause, be extra slow and kind to myself. Do things that are easy, non triggering and just set the hard stuff aside. Not ignore it just not actively work on it. I focused on sleep and doing those things I enjoy and are easy.

I got a bit better each day. I needed all that crazy stormy weather to settle. Still tons more work to do, but relishing this easy spot I'm in right now. Who new +pausing+ could be so therapeutic!?

 

[shimmerz]

I decided to pause, be extra slow and kind to myself. Do things that are easy, non triggering and just set the hard stuff aside.

This ^^^^. I would allow myself to pause if my gut said so. It was a form of self care. I needed to learn how to listen to those internal feelings for once.

 

[Panda Bear]

My gut says keep going, my desire to be non-emotionally attached for one visit is what my messed up head is saying.

I think letting my therapist know ahead of time will help. Telling him that I'm feeling the desire to fight him and I am a bit tired too. That way he can remind me of why we are powering through and that this is actually working, he will reassure me that I am okay too.

Maybe that's what I really need, is a bit of reassurance, that this will pass and I've yet to die from crying.

 

[blackemerald1]

My gut says keep going, my desire to be non-emotionally attached for one visit is what my messed up h...

I think that is a good plan, for now & the future when things get too much & you are tired. Something good you wrote was you know you are making progress. If you had doubts about that, it would be a whole new ball game. But you know you are on track & even though you are tired now, if you choose to keep up the pace a little longer, the rest you finally get won't be spattered with 'what ifs' & you may get better quality rest than if you stopped.
Best of luck,
B1

 

[Panda Bear]

We laid off a bit yesterday. T acknowledged that we've done a lot of work and rightfully so, being tired is reasonable. It actually came at a good time, I had had an encounter with my mom a few days prior to my appointment that triggered a whole bucket of garbage. He spent the hour getting me calm and helping me problem solve how to interact with her in the future. Like, is it reasonable for me to maintain any relationship at all?

We also walked outside for about 20min of my appointment time and that helped calm me down.

 

[angrypanda]

Sounds like you have a wise, flexible and listening therapist. Love it!