Problems

[Kimberlyp412]

I'm new here and this exact topic is exactly what brought me to the internet searching and I found this place =)

I love my dad, he is one of my very best friends and I trust him 100%. He tries so hard to understand my brain and why I act/think/feel the way that I do. Sometimes he will let it slip little things like that my husband "puts up" with a lot from me. Which is very true, he really does but it usually doesn't bother me that my dad says it.

My dad is one of those types of people that are very "work hard" type of guys. I could never imagine him accepting financial assistance and I am confident he would starve to death before going on welfare.

Anyways, he and I were having a conversation about mine and my husband's money problems. We have two special needs kids and only one income. I was thinking of applying for disability because I literally can not leave the house when my husband isn't home. Not to check the mail, feed the dogs, water the lawn, or even take the garbage out. I can not leave outside of the door without my husband or else I will fly into a panic attack. It became really bad when that video released of that mother in New Jersey being beaten mercilessly in front of her daughter by that home intruder. When I told him this, he told me that disability isn't for a "healthy, able bodied 25 year old." While I agree with him 100% that it isn't; I am in no way "healthy", at least not mentally. My husband and I are struggling and he knows that we are. He also knows that I am pretty messed up and he knows about my past. It really hurts me that he would imply that I am taking advantage of the system by thinking about seeking financial help.

I would LOVE to go to work and talk to people. I was half way through my medical degree before all hell broke loose in my life, which sent me into a tailspin. I would love to be normal and not eyeball every single person; not stay up all night thinking of crazy scenarios that have a million in one chance of happening; not jump sky high at every creek or bump. I would love to be normal. But I'm not and I wish that someone other than my husband could understand for just a moment.

I'm so tired of being afraid all of the time but I am so tired of being treated like I'm making it up.

 

[rightkindofme]

If you feel that disability would be appropriate for you, then go for it. Don't let your father's hang ups prevent you. You have to live. The system exists to support people. You are a person. You have as much right to apply as anyone. Applying doesn't mean the government will agree that you are 100% disabled. It is a process. You think you need help. Ask for as much help as you can get. That is why we have a government.

Good luck.

 

[franciemarnie]

I don't know what it is with people sometimes. On the one hand, you've got the type that don't believe certain things exist unless it happens to them. Then there are those who find it so unbearable that we have this kind of mind boggling problem that they'd rather deny it then deal with it so it's not really a problem then.

One of my problems for a long time was that my family's version of reality trumped mine. So maybe I'd be going off the deep end, just really losing it and they'd deny it - I'm just being dramatic or something and I'd involuntarily go with their idea and think - just get it together. That worked.

Not!

Someday what other people think - even our loved ones - wont hurt so bad, wont affect you like it does now. It happened for me. It took a while but one day - what I knew shouted louder in my head than their fictive ideas of my reality. And then their comments crumbled to dust when they were absurd.

I'm so sorry life is so difficult for you now. Here is a great place for healing.