Processing Anxiety, To Have It Return While Sleeping?

[Hashi]

I have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) that includes obsessing that windows and doors aren't locked. I've been working hard on this with a combination of things like mindfulness, relaxation, visualisation, distraction, relabeling and - in very small increments - exposure to reducing the checking and getting through the anxiety that comes up. It's working and I'm getting much better.

Something puzzles me, though, and I wonder if anyone has any thoughts.

What happens that's expected, and that I've read about, is that each time I reduce the amount of checking a little bit more I have to push through the anxiety that comes up. This can be over an hour and very bad but I do the distraction stuff and eventually calm down. Then I keep the checking at that level for a while until I find the resulting anxiety goes away and I'm able to do it and feel calm. I've made the adjustment to it. After that I move to the next level.

What I haven't read about, and didn't expect, is that when I'm at the level where I feel I've adjusted, I might wake up with anxiety about it in the middle of the night. I think I haven't checked at all, and I'm terrified that the doors and windows are unlocked. I have to remember things about the checking to reassure myself that I really did do it. This happened really often at the beginning so I started reminding myself before sleep that I'd checked and specifically telling my subconscious that everything was OK. I stopped waking up like that, and I stopped needing to tell myself/my subconscious before bed, and I assumed it was an initial thing that was over.

Last night, though, I woke up terrified that I hadn't checked. It was extreme. The hammering of my heart was about as bad as it can get. I don't think it was linked to a night terror about anything else - it has a different feel to it and I woke up single-mindedly panicking about the locks. Of course it could have been tied to other things, but it felt like OCD anxiety and nothing else.

I hadn't done anything different before sleeping. Hadn't reduced the checking any more, wasn't feeling especially bothered about it. I have various life stresses, but that's usual. I'm not doing any trauma work in therapy at the moment and I'm not dealing with any particular intrusive thoughts.

What's my mind doing? Am I processing the anxiety on a deeper level? It doesn't feel much like processing, it just feels like crazed overwhelm.

I've read a lot of books on OCD and dealing with the anxiety, but I've never read about this. Has anyone else? Has anyone else experienced it?

 

[Rumors]

I don't know if this helps, however at times I struggle with similar issues so I make a list of what I am obsessing over and I check it off individually. So, when I wake up and think, "I didn't do that!" I just check my list that is SIGNED and dated by me so that I know it is done and done on that day. It took some practice at first to trust my check list, but eventually it did work.

I hope that helps! Nothing worse than just getting to sleep and waking up in a panic thinking you forgot something! Awful!! Best wishes on getting that squared away so you can have a nice rest!

 

[Seasounds]

It is so very tiresome and annoying, to be woken up, with panic. Hope it improves.

I've experienced this situation quite a few times; with each major layer of my growth-which involves excavation and healing, a different repetitious dream has occurred, when there was a left over element I needed to take care of, before the issue was totally resolved in my psyche. It took some experimentation (like considering the below ideas) and some time (of trying out different solutions), before the dreams resolved. Dreams, and needs for full resolution, are so individual.

Some ideas I can offer:
1. Are your deep physiological, fight or flight, responses are still engaged? (They haven't totally 'down-shifted', despite the conscious signs you notice.) Are there things you could do to help transition out of this physiological process-CST, yoga, a self-defense class,etc.

2. Windows opening in dreams- Is there a another boundary (other people's thoughts or influence), that may useful to make, in your waking life?

Also, many a time I've needed to develop a new skill-(taking 2 years of voice/actor speaking lessons to undo nightmares/experiences of strangulation, taking a handgun safety class to get over fear of guns-from being held at gunpoint, etc.), before the wakeful nightmares resolved.

3. Perhaps it would be useful to express the feelings, again, related to the event, represented by the dream?

You are so well versed in recovery, it is always a pleasure to exchange thoughts with you. Let me know what you find, that resolves your situation.