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Processing Rage

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(Hot Rage)
Alternate targets.
Or sport, just getting it out / into activity that will exhaust me until no rage is left, because nothing else is, either.

Emotionally, moving through. B/c rage does not feel good, rage is a fuel when I got none else to go on, but at situations? Keeps me from sorting them effectively / being tactical / being creative, at times being humane, etc.... Keeps me from the me I like better.

At people? Keeps me from helping people / being useful / learning new schtuff... so back to contrary to my goals, if held onto too long.

But a bestish gift from hell when one is talking endurance & survival and situations one /should/ be mad at, not desperate. Rage rocks those.

(Cold Rage)
Heavy mental activity.

The better, having someone to brainstorm with, because I have a lot of ideas, but zero knack on how moral they are, by that time also zero f*cks to give, so a few breaks by someone I care for / owe life importantly much to, hence will listen to, are good.
 
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The thing that helps me most with intense emotions (when I remember it) is something I got from Pema Chodrin's books. She talks about Drop the Story, Go to the Body. So to remove all your attention from thoughts in your brain (really not easy but heh - chip away at it by repetition) and focus all your attention on your body. Sensations, aches and pains, sense of where your limbs are, heat and cold, feeling of clothes and seating etc.

In intense emotion it really is hard to do. But when I manage, it let's me feel the emotion and let go of it a shit tonne quicker. X

Will have to try that. Thanks
 
I don't have any rage-really-I can't feel it- and very little anger (I bypass anger/rage and go straight to hurt) anger/rage.........it's not ladylike......(that's a message I carry with me). I suppose I'm afraid of anger.....so, it doesn't get to come out.
 
(Hot Rage)
Alternate targets.
Or sport, just getting it out / into activity that will exhaust me until no rage is left, because nothing else is, either.

Emotionally, moving through. B/c rage does not feel good, rage is a fuel when I got none else to go on, but at situations? Keeps me from sorting them effectively / being tactical / being creative, at times being humane, etc.... Keeps me from the me I like better.

At people? Keeps me from helping people / being useful / learning new schtuff... so back to contrary to my goals, if held onto too long.

But a bestish gift from hell when one is talking endurance & survival and situations one /should/ be mad at, not desperate. Rage rocks those.

(Cold Rage)
Heavy mental activity.

The better, having someone to brainstorm with, because I have a lot of ideas, but zero knack on how moral they are, by that time also zero f*cks to give, so a few breaks by someone I care for / owe life importantly much to, hence will listen to, are good.

Thanks for this.
(Hot Rage)
Alternate targets.
Or sport, just getting it out / into activity that will exhaust me until no rage is left, because nothing else is, either.

Emotionally, moving through. B/c rage does not feel good, rage is a fuel when I got none else to go on, but at situations? Keeps me from sorting them effectively / being tactical / being creative, at times being humane, etc.... Keeps me from the me I like better.

At people? Keeps me from helping people / being useful / learning new schtuff... so back to contrary to my goals, if held onto too long.

But a bestish gift from hell when one is talking endurance & survival and situations one /should/ be mad at, not desperate. Rage rocks those.

(Cold Rage)
Heavy mental activity.

The better, having someone to brainstorm with, because I have a lot of ideas, but zero knack on how moral they are, by that time also zero f*cks to give, so a few breaks by someone I care for / owe life importantly much to, hence will listen to, are good.

Thanks for your reply Ronin

I am generally into physical activity, don't know how to take this route without actually doing harm to my body. How do you do this and get the rage out without harming yourself?
I think with the amount of rage I have I would just create more of a speedball of
adrenaline and cortisol!
Although this does seem to be the most realistic option

I do not know what is tracking element?
@grit hi sorry for delay
i just mean how you kept such detailed track of your process is all
 
So I have A LOT of rage. I know it's here somewhere but I can't feel it. Bit like knowing your keys are in the bottom of your bag, hearing them but not being able to find them

I have been stuffing the rage through binging. I have been stuffing my voice. Some part of me believes that when I speak I create trouble, abandonment, shame, blame, rejection etc I am trying hard not to but food is one of the few comforts I have. This and the giant teddy bear that showed up outside my place this morning!

I need to find a way with this. There is a
fire inside and it feels like if I don't let it out to eat it will devour me

I want to channel it into writing but the fuel isn't there. It's like there is a pinch of the cable that connects the feeds the fuel to the engine

Enough of these silly analogies

Anyway this hurts and is frustrating. Shares of experience welcome
 
Aside writing after each therapist session (like keeping my own notes of themes and progression) and also deeply analyzing my dreams as soon as I wake up (I do not write them down as much anymore) cause they are more direct now...I am digging so no more confusion, I am super accepting and grateful the process of finding myself in therapy.

I cannot overemphasize, most important element of tracking my process is extreme curiosity to know who I am inside. No matter how ugly I see of myself, I am extremely grateful for the ability to see it.

I used to think I am not raging person or I am so raging that I need to overcompensate - both but always different times depending on situations. I never truly accept both sides of me - they were disconnected. Since in therapy, I learned or accepted I am both and allowed the experience to show up in therapy to see it live...(I found myself being so angry at the therapist and blaming her all my problems - that was an indication).

Personally, every negative feeling I have toward my therapist or therapy process, I take it as a sign of what I may need to work on...even sometimes the therapist may express positive feelings about me and they are wrong because again they did not land on my body appropriately but I discuss about it with my therapist and I also compare it to my core beliefs and try to see where is the glitch.

ultimately, and cognitively speaking, I do not have rage in my present life so where is the rage is coming from so I take my past and its power over me very seriously. I do not have the type of personality that thinks I am made in a vacuum or my past does not impact me. I was born with something for sure but I also inherent a lot of psychological things so I need to separate the two. not easy but doable if I accept all are me today but how did they get started...and that compassion of allowing I have bad traits but I was also assigned some bad traits or I internalized them from the get go (mainly identifying with my aggressor - my mother), I go on learning. As I learned recently, I completely and utterly separated from my mother recently - the thing is a child goes through this separation at very young age (think of less than a year) that most are unable to remember - so imagine an adult going through that process...that will create a lot of rage and opportunities missed for keeping that engulfment as an adult and not even knowing it.

Also, I am in therapy school and this 100% gives me a clear direction and support to check my own development status. Every book I read I can see where I may have strength and where I am very delayed or thwarted developmentally. I believe very strongly one cannot recover without first acknowledging the problem intellectually. It is hard to recover without knowing what to recover from cognitively so my school helps me that way and I am more inclined to see it in my body and emotions.

It is full time job for me. Also this site gives me even more insights about how trauma f*cks up the body in so many layers so I read here often and often apply those stories to myself and see what works for me....I am constantly learning and do not close any door to a new way of seeing myself or others in my life and in general.

Hope this answers your question about tracking.
 
Aside writing after each therapist session (like keeping my own notes of themes and progression) and also deeply analyzing my dreams as soon as I wake up (I do not write them down as much anymore) cause they are more direct now...I am digging so no more confusion, I am super accepting and grateful the process of finding myself in therapy.

I cannot overemphasize, most important element of tracking my process is extreme curiosity to know who I am inside. No matter how ugly I see of myself, I am extremely grateful for the ability to see it.

I used to think I am not raging person or I am so raging that I need to overcompensate - both but always different times depending on situations. I never truly accept both sides of me - they were disconnected. Since in therapy, I learned or accepted I am both and allowed the experience to show up in therapy to see it live...(I found myself being so angry at the therapist and blaming her all my problems - that was an indication).

Personally, every negative feeling I have toward my therapist or therapy process, I take it as a sign of what I may need to work on...even sometimes the therapist may express positive feelings about me and they are wrong because again they did not land on my body appropriately but I discuss about it with my therapist and I also compare it to my core beliefs and try to see where is the glitch.

ultimately, and cognitively speaking, I do not have rage in my present life so where is the rage is coming from so I take my past and its power over me very seriously. I do not have the type of personality that thinks I am made in a vacuum or my past does not impact me. I was born with something for sure but I also inherent a lot of psychological things so I need to separate the two. not easy but doable if I accept all are me today but how did they get started...and that compassion of allowing I have bad traits but I was also assigned some bad traits or I internalized them from the get go (mainly identifying with my aggressor - my mother), I go on learning. As I learned recently, I completely and utterly separated from my mother recently - the thing is a child goes through this separation at very young age (think of less than a year) that most are unable to remember - so imagine an adult going through that process...that will create a lot of rage and opportunities missed for keeping that engulfment as an adult and not even knowing it.

Also, I am in therapy school and this 100% gives me a clear direction and
support to check my own development status. Every book I read I can see where I may have strength and where I am very delayed or thwarted developmentally. I believe very strongly one cannot recover
without first acknowledging the problem intellectually. It is hard to recover without knowing what to recover from cognitively so my school helps me that way and I am more inclined to see it in my body and
emotions.

It is full time job for me. Also this site gives me even more insights about how
trauma f*cks up the body in so many layers so I read here often and often apply those stories to myself and see what works for me....I am constantly learning
and do not close any door to a new way of seeing myself or others in my life and

in general.
Hope this answers your question about tracking.
Hey Grit,
It does and thank you so much for the detail you went into and encouraging me to be curious. I will try
Also, congratulating you on the work you have done and the place you have got yourself too. Respect

Part of the issue is there is no where to process the rage or place it. I was assaulted by a therapist during a training

session. The person is a friend of the person who was my therapist. Without going into detail there was clearly no therapuetic alliance. The group colluded. I was suspended for expressing my anger (throwing a piece of wood into the groud, not at anyone and did not break anything) and to this extent silenced. The school are trying to avoid being accountable. There is betrayal on so many levels here. I sense it feels hard to go into the rage because of the outcome expressing my anger or upset no matter how well articulated or controlled, now and back then has resulted in me being blamed, abandoned, isolated etc I definitely need help with this process
 
I am sorry if this may sound a bit vague or maybe too direct but I think (and I do not know if you know this already)...you may want to get some space between the experience of being assaulted and you. They are not one. You were you before the assault and you are still here the assault is an experience. If you can separate the two, you may be able to come a place where you can articulate the assault and your feelings without alienating others in attendance. I know it is not easy. I have had group therapy in the past where rage was like the huge elephant and even the therapist/group leader would warn us about rage...it was ridiculous.
Another area that I never tried but a possibility could be finding anger management group. I find these groups are mainly men and honestly with men - anger and rage are more acceptable and that may give you more welcoming until you get hold of the externalizing portion of it.

Unfortunately I do not understand therapy working with trauma but afraid how aggression and violence may impact us. It is really re-traumatizing.

hope that helps.
 
How do you do this and get the rage out without harming yourself?

Choose your activities & settings differently, then.
The where you do it, when you do it, what sort of tools you use / what could be hurtful if only you get tired or dont watch out so much, things like that.

I was also about to say get a partner TO watch out for you, but I realize we on a ptsd forum. >.<

Other thought, when you feel losing control / like youre not so much with it as when you started whichever you are doing... stop, plain that. Until you learn solid at what point things get hard, and can do them safely.

& It aint an easy area to learn in... So kudos for all the trying :D
 
Rage is a behavior. Anger is an emotion. Anger and other emotions are not facts but they can sometimes carry important info. Anger is a sign that something we value is under threat or a boundary is crossed.
I am generally into physical activity, don't know how to take this route without actually doing harm to my body. How do you do this and get the rage out without harming yourself?
I think with the amount of rage I have I would just create more of a speedball of
adrenaline and cortisol!
Fire can't generally be put out with fire. "Getting rage out" to get rid of it is a myth. It's a common one. Catharsis has been shown by numerous studies to increase anger. One study found that doing nothing at all was better at reducing anger. I tried a form of therapy that used catharsis... anger rooms, breaking things, etc. I left worse off. More pissed. More self-injurious and kind of addicted to the high of the catharsis. My anger wasn't better expressed, managed, or processed. Breaking things in a controlled fashion can be a good way to get it in touch with anger, but not get rid of it. It's a good way to control an urge to rage but you may find the anger is still there at the end of it. That may or may not be a bad thing. It varies from person to person.

Anger can be a fuel for action and change. It has value. It can be a tool for good purposes. It's the behavior that can be the problem. Emotions are just body feelings. Separating out emotions and behavior and thoughts can make it easier to tackle. When anger is at a very high level, it can actually shut down thinking and problem solving, so regulating the anger down to a slightly lower level usually helps people DO something with it that helps it shift.
I have been stuffing the rage through binging. I have been stuffing my voice.
Your need for safety and boundaries was under threat. You are facing injustice. What about the opposite action of using your voice instead of stuffing it? Not just with other people, but with yourself. One of the best ways I have used anger as a tool is to reclaim my boundary that someone hurt me, and I will rebel against it by making sure I don't hurt me. It's like my middle finger to the abuser to say, "NOPE, I have value asshats and I'm not doing that today!" Ok, I know it's a weird way to handle trying to not turn the anger in towards destructive behaviors towards myself, but it sometimes works. Sometimes it doesn't. When it does... it gives a rush of another kind. It feels POWERFUL.

Anger can be a sign we feel under threat, unsafe. Fight or flight. Because this is linked to your safety, and you are dealing with on-going injustice, connecting to safety might help send a message to the brain that the immediate threat over and while anger might be needed, but not levels of anger that are an impulse to rage. When I feel a lot of anger, I have found it helpful to check how safe I am right now in the next 30 seconds. I will grab ice to hold or do other things to get connected to the right here right now present moment.

Anger is a tough one, and I am constantly learning myself. I hope you find what works best for you! So sorry for the shitty injustice you have been facing.
 
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