Projections

[Srain]

I realize more and more that I am projecting my mother on my Hunny. I get the marrying your father or mother stuff and I don't believe it's all a load of a shit. I think to a certain extent starting out I went for it literally which was horrible when it came to the abusive stuff. I also am sure I went opposite and all over the map including considering the Nunnery or whatever it's called, anything to try to protect myself from myself and others.

What I have is the best of the itsy bitsy parts of either fake or real of my parents in my husband that ARE authentic and loving, above all whole. However..due to his generally nonreactive nature, solitary childhood, and basically overall zen-like calmness I tend to easily mistake it for unresponsiveness or discount.

It's entirely easy for me to project onto my Hunny parts of my mother the 'discount' when he is in thought or is quiet. For her it was not thoughtful it was disgust, thinking I'm weak or being dramatic and her voice still screams in my head at times like this. Once on my own I knew I didn't have to take it anymore so I didn't not from her or anyone! And I still don't and I'm entirely prickly about it, though I'm working very hard to get my reaction into check.

I know he is not her. Projection is a bitch! {sigh......}

 

[BloomInWinter]

Ugh....wanna respond, but this is too triggering.

I'll try again another time.

(((((Rain))))

 

[jeeps for now]

I think about projection quite a bit and try to see it in myself. It's like trying to see myself in a mirror when I'm not there ?
The whole concept gets too elusive for me.

I would imagine the best news is that you (and I) are searching in this direction. Best of wishes.

 

[Sammy]

(((Rain)))
I am right there with BloomInWinter.
Will have to think on this a bit...

 

[Tinyflame]

Same here, hard to figure it out. Just can only say it's that 'reaction' to other's behaviour or words that triggers reminders (and internal meanings) of what you 'think' they mean/ are feeling.

It doesn't help much but I can only think of a member's post that said "Let others think for themselves".
You know cognitively as you said his other behaviours or treatment of you are not similar to your mother's: therefore it's unlikely they come from the same place- I think what he sees and thinks of you through 'his eyes' are not your mother's eyes (and her issues, which were not your fault).

I try to remember the bigger picture of (all) past experiences with anyone, because sometimes my own internal state is too confused and unsure and mistrusting to make sense of a particular moment.

((((Rain))))