Prolonged Exposure Therapy

[JarHed]

I have a session tomorrow and am really dreading it. I don't like it. At all. But my psych says it helps so I'll do it. I can't afford not to try something that could help...

Hey Oasis

It's tough, I'll grant you that. I had another session yesterday and it was dicey. The beginning time is the hardest. For me, I haven't really 'dealt' with or even really faced my experiences. I just buried them. I thought they were neatly tucked away forever; they weren't. In truth they've been haunting me and hurting me my whole life.

I do know that PE is going to help. It's very hard at first but I know it will get easier as time goes on. You have to do the work, no one else can do it for you. Jimmy's points are well taken as well. It will take time; but in the future at some point you'll look back and be glad you did this. For your family, friends and loved ones, but mostly for yourself. Everyday you live in the meatgrinder of PTSD is a lost day of life. It's really way too precious to do that. We've all spent too much time in Hell. Time for a change. I think I've said it before; you have to be like a Phoenix, rising from the flames of our former lives. My best wishes and thoughts are with you. Just give yourself the time to do this, it does take time.

Jar

 

[Need an Oasis]

Thanks guys. Made it through today. Now I can breathe again until Monday. I hope. Jar, I'm thinking of you. We can do it. (y)

For me, I haven't really 'dealt' with or even really faced my experiences. I just buried them. I thought they were neatly tucked away forever; they weren't. In truth they've been haunting me and hurting me my whole life.

And you know, it's the same for me, but I didn't realize it (or didn't want to realize it?) until my psych spelled it out for me. Although I guess for you it's been a lot longer than for me.

 

[JarHed]

I didn't realize it (or didn't want to realize it?) until my psych spelled it out for me. Although I guess for you it's been a lot longer than for me.

Hey Oasis

It really doesn't matter how long it's been that someone has been carrying this burden. It only really matters that now we're doing something about it. As hard as it is right now, you've gotta' feel good about a better life for yourself in the near future. It makes this period that's difficult more doable. The time we have in this life is just too precious to waste on feelin' bad.

Jar

 

[JarHed]

Hey All

I just wanted to give ya'll an update of what's happening with me and my therapy. Well I've been doing it now for over a month and I've already noticed some positive changes. Each session doesn't get easier at this point. Mostly because each time that I go through the particular experience that we've focused on I realize something else about it or the time or something.

I've certainly stirred up a hornets nest of memories, feelings and experiences. But I'm working hard at it as well. I really don't want to be controlled by PTSD. I know that I will probably always have certain 'triggers' and the like but I also feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Lately I've had more good days than bad. That's a good sign to me that something is working. I've actually been able to cut down on my meds as well. I really hate having to take meds, but at a certain point they're both necessary and helpful.

PTSD just chews away at you until you're just worn down to a nub and don't have the energy or desire to fight back or even improve your condition. Everyone knows the drill, that's when you have to work the hardest at getting better. It just ain't easy and won't ever be.

I could go on and on but I'll just leave it here. I know life will always have it's ups and downs, that's just the way it is. Just tryin' to learn that I can't control most things that go on and to not try to. It's hard for me since I'm such a control freak about everything. The learning never ends but at least now I have hope. That feels good.

Jar

 

[Sarg]

Jar,
Reading your posts is like pages in my "book". We're too much the same. Keep at it, you're doing good and I'll keep at it on my end. Hang-in, Brother.

Sarg

 

[medic5]

I've been in PE for 2 months and it is tough. I do have a good counselor that makes sure I'm in a safe place after the session and will call me on Monday to see how my weekend went (I go on Fridays). Like you JarHed I've stirred up a lot of memories and details about the event that I feel like I'm going crazy.
After writing about the event, I found my self on the floor of my closet wondering where I was, what happened holding onto Mako for dear life ( her whinning is what brought me back to the now) crying in her fur with Shadow laying on my legs ( Mako's mother). All I could think of was what in the hell is happening with me. I always thought I held everything together but this was a wakeup call. Sorry for the rambling. I called the counselor and she got right back to me.
Yes, the program is tough but I am starting to feel better about my self, though I still have triggers and the counselor said I always will, but they won't be as often and as controlling.

You have the right attitude Jar, soon our good days will far outnumber the bad. Hang in there.

 

[medic5]

Thanks guys. Made it through today. Now I can breathe again until Monday. I hope. Jar, I'm thinking of you. We can do it. (y)

And you know, it's the same for me, but I didn't realize it (or didn't want to realize it?) until my psych spelled it out for me. Although I guess for you it's been a lot longer than for me.

Hi Oasis,
It is tough going but the rewards are worth the effort. A good counselor will be there and help through the whole journy. I'm here to help you get through it. It is working for me. Keep your eye on the prize, good days out numbering the bad and enjoying life once again.

 

[JarHed]

soon our good days will far outnumber the bad. Hang in there.

It's what I hope and pray for, my friend. It is tough. You literally have to relive some pretty awful moments. But the problem is that we've never really addressed them in a way so that we can move on toward a more 'normal' life.

We all have and can 'see' the experiences that are so terrible that we can't talk about them. Eventually you can bring it out into the light of day and really look at it, talk about it and it's not quite as scary. It's hard work but well worth the effort. realistically we'll always have something, a trigger or some kind but hopefully we can learn how to deal with it better so we don't feel the need to go into 'soldier' mode.

Just reading your posts makes me happy to see that others are getting the benefits of therapy. I can't tell you how good it feels to get up in the morning and not be depressed and in a funk before I even get out of bed.

Life's always going to be unpredictable and for me that's a hard thing to accept. I want to control it all. Truth is control is an illusion; you just have to live each day the best you can and it you're happy, enjoy it. Still learning.

Jar

 

[JarHed]

Hey All

Thought I'd give ya a heads up of where I'm at with my PE therapy. Well as it stands I've got a couple more sessions and then I'll be done. Seems that I've done real well with it and I can actually say that I'm doing better than I was a couple of months ago.

My biggest problem has been anxiety caused by PTSD. Couldn't even leave the house without my meds. Couldn't go any where or do anything. It just totally sucked. The best thing that I've learned is how to control my anxiety in situations that would normally provoke a very strong response for me.

Part of the therapy is going into situations that are anxiety producing and learning how to better deal with them without having to resort to taking something like ativan. It's a very slow and process and you just don't jump in over your head at first. It's been small and measured steps all the way. I also have to say that I worked pretty hard at it as I hate being on drugs and having things like that control my life.It's about modifying your behaviours.

I've started doing things that I haven't done in a long time, maybe years. I'm just more relaxed and don't feel like my heads on a swivel. That part sure feels good.

I still have a laundry list of issues that I need and will work on. They'll always be 'homework' to do. I'll be moving to a group session when the individual conseling ends.

If someone had told me a few months ago that I'd be where I am now I wouldn't have believed them. Hey, still the cynic. But at least there's some hope for the future.

I'll always have strong reactions to many things that I've experienced and for sure PTSD is a chronic condition that I'll be dealing with forever. But I'm finally OK with it. A lot of the fear and stuff have at least calmed down and are manageable.

It's been hard and I wouldn't kid anyone that if they get involved with any kind of therapy that it's going to be that way. but for someone that's had this for a lifetime it gives me hope that I can have a better life than I've had. That's a really good feeling. Life will always be up and down; no matter what and PTSD will always be a factor for sure. At least I've got a true sense of hope now. I've broken the chains that have bound me to feel like I 'have' to react a certain way. Now I know I've got a choice.

Jar

 

[Ned]

Good to read that, Jar. Self-awareness, isn't it?

 

[JarHed]

Self-awareness, isn't it?

Hey Ned

Yeah, it does factor in there as well. When I've spent the larger part of my life avoiding and locking away painful and unpleasant thought it's a new approach to take a real look at them and really deal with them. As they say; and now for something completely different.

Jar

 

[Sarg]

Good, Bro. Great to hear you're better. Just got back from my therapist and oddly blurted out during the session that I felt like she was my sister. Just popped out. And I do feel like she's family. After my wife died, I felt all alone. And the beast isn't exactly conducive to going out and socializing and making new friends.

But I've found all kinds of friends. Here, my Marine buddies that have adopted me and I'm running into old friends I haven't seen in years. Life is better for me too, Jar. Bout damn time, huh?

Keep the faith, man.

Sarg