Pros And Cons

[Tinyflame]

@enough , I am very sorry that you are going through this, & I do understand that much. In fact, I understand it from a perspective where there are little cons in terms of leaving adverse effect.

However, I think shimmerz & anthony & others have touched on something of importance. Beginning to do, & seek out, & be, true to yourself, to find what that is, leads to much more peace & happiness that's not even fathomable right now. And I'm not advocating separation or divorce, but to be blunt remaining in the marriage is not worth suicide. Even within the marriage you can begin to put yourself 'first' enough to find some value & reason to live. It will & can come.

I believe it also comes from having yourself & life minimized. I am dealing with something similar & difficult: I have 2 sisters 1200 miles away. One has battled cancer for 18 years, she is on the third occurrence & terminal. However, she has lived life very fully & happily. The other sister has been full of rage for a lifetime. Now, she has a few new guys to sleep with, a new house to flip, a million $ in her pocket. Consequently, the ill sister has been posting on FB about euthenasia. The other sister has been posting about painting & a new business venture. I am not debating about euthenasia, but I DO know them both well enough to put my money on the second sister making the 1st one feel like a burden. And I am carefully & literally using the word 'making' on purpose. She is very calculating in what she does. The ill sister has suddenly found herself characterizing herself in a way she never did before, & it seems to be becoming what she feels is necessary. It is actually very 'uncharacteristic' to how she is & what she wanted (living each moment to it's full) a short time ago.

Not all people are toxic, not all environments are disrespectful. This can change. I think much of SI comes from feeling very trapped. There can be ways out, & others can help you trust there are.

Hugs to you.

 

[orangeweezel]

You make a lot of sense. Your pain is very clearly making it feel hopeless and pointless to carry on. I have made pros and cons lists for the very same reason. I'm not going to just try to convince you that everything will be ok someday, because right now your mind is probably set up to only see the negative and the hopelessness in the situation. By you posting this it seems apparently that even though you might feel hopeless, there's enough hope to reach out on this forum. I very, very highly recommend the book "Mind Over Mood" by Greenberger/Padesky. If I could I would have a copy of that book in your hands tonight. It's a book/workbook that helps you understand what's going on in the mind of someone with similar thoughts and what you can do, in very practical ways, to take back your life. It has helped me and countless others.

I challenge you to go through the workbook (it's less than $15) and do the exercises, and then reevaluate things. This is something practical you can do on your own, and decide for yourself what you choose to do.

 

[Tinyflame]

To briefly add, I think it's important to acknowledge the differences between you & others in your life. Perhaps (like me) you try to take people at their word & listen; perhaps they speak however without the same literal degree of meaning. In other words, do what you can do, but be wary if they have a pattern of interaction that upsets your peace of mind (of which they may be unaware or uncaring of).

 

[user27357]

thanks, everyone. Thanks.