Sufferer Pstd diagnosed with a series of terrible events which fall under too many categories.

[Juls33]

Hi Everyone,

I am a PTSD sufferer/survivor and also a new mom. I have done extensive work through all kinds of therapy which includes CBT and EMDR. I am currently awaiting a new program which I am going to start which is focussed specifically on mothers who have been through traumatic experiences. This program has quite a waiting list, so while I am on my maternity leave, I thought I would join this community to learn more about living with this condition and seek support and offer support to/from others.

I am always willing to learn from those who have been through similar or different experiences. I have gone through quite an array of traumatic experiences which includes quite a lot of triggers stemming from having a stalker when I was in my teens, to violence in my early 20s- the murder of a boyfriend, and leading up to more recent events of coming out of abusive relationships/friendships that re-hatched a lot of my PTSD symptoms and I think propelled me to almost take my own life 3 years ago.

At the moment, I feel as though I cope quite well and I am very motivated with having a new baby and my husband is great. I utilize exercise as my source of curbing my negative feelings. I often still struggle with anxiety and depression and I would add that alcohol has always been my biggest vice to cope with this. Exercise does help, but I am constantly haunted by feelings of anger, resentment and general thoughts of wanting to "get even". I constantly put pressure on myself to push myself to succeed and to do better in life, but at the moment, since I cannot work, I feel like I am swimming in terrible thoughts.

I hope I can learn a thing or two from what others have experienced, and I think it's just good to know that I am not alone in these thoughts.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome! :hug:

 

[Still Standing]

Congrats on the new baby! New life is so precious.

You have found the right place for information, shared experiences, understanding, encouragement, and support. I am sorry you have experienced such an array of trauma. May I ask what kind of special program you are signed up for? It sounds interesting.

Though my traumas are a bit different from yours, the emotions are the same. Earlier in my life, the rage, anger, resentment, bitterness, and unforgiveness ate me up and I acted it all out on my family. That was years ago when PTSD was not recognized and help was not readily available to me. I could not afford therapy so I coped on my own. How wonderful that you have knowledge of what ails you and the available help to assist you in learning how to live with this disability. And it is at a time when it will help to prevent your parenting skills from being scarred with by it.

My journey of healing started, years ago, with choosing to forgive those who have hurt me. That took a huge burden of hate off my shoulders. But, the deep self-destructive emotions remained. I tried to continue to hide them until last year when I instantly acted out and it shocked and scared me. This is when I was diagnosed with childhood and medical PTSD. Now, in my old age, I am learning to ground myself and deal with the painful memories. Thus it is for you...dealing with the traumas and learning how to live outside of them. It sounds like you have put a lot of time into your healing journey, already. I hope this new therapy will be even more helpful for you. Keep us posted. Welcome to the community!

 

[Juls33]

Congrats on the new baby! New life is so precious.

You have found the right place for informat...

The program I am doing is through Women's College Hospital (in Toronto) I was referred to see a post-partum psychologist who assessed me and once I told her a bit about my story, she said I would benefit from a particular program they offer for mothers who have been through traumatic events. I explained to her that the things I worry about is that my trauma will effect my parenting and I don't want to turn into an overly protective parent or an overly anxious parent, because I know parents' anxiety issues can really effect their kids ( I grew up with an anxious mother). I am curious to find out what it's all about. She said it was a really program but she wrote a referral, but forewarned me that most of the women involved in the group have dealt with child sexual abuse and many have not sought out much help so they will be at different stages in their recoveries. I have done a lot of work on myself, so I am curious what else I will learn from it. Apparently it might be starting in September, So I will keep everyone posted about it here!

 

[Still Standing]

Thanks for sharing what you know about this program for moms. It will be interesting to hear what you think about it.

 

[shimmerz]

Women's College Hospital (in Toronto)

Toronto has a short supply of trauma programs. I know the Women's College Hospital program has a very long wait. I was in it about 6 years ago. I am very happy to hear you got in there. Best of luck to you and your baby.

 

[Juls33]

Toronto has a short supply of trauma programs. I know the Women's College Hospital program has a very...

Yes it was such a long wait to see the psychologist. It took so long that I just had to figure out other ways to deal with my anxiety.. which is fine.. i just exercise and try to distract myself.. probably drink too much though. Not sure if that's the best way to cope... but I had no choice really.