General Psychiatrist Says - "spend Less Time With Your Son" ?? :o(

[Sunshine71]

Dear freinds

We just got back from seeing a psychiatrist (NHS) it was our 2nd time to see him.

Seems like a good guy and we didnt feel rushed (much!)

I said that hubby get very stressed with our little son (nearly 6) and when our son screams - for good reasons as well as when he is throwing a wobbler its just too much for hubby and he ends up raising his voice to our son.

His answer was to spend less time with him, when he is coming home from school to go out and maybe spend 30 minutes with him only.

I can see where he is coming from - but surely this isnt the way forward???

I was asking for ways to build our family - not for ways to avoid it????

I wondered what you thought???

Thank you love Sunshine x

 

[amethist]

Maybe he was trying to say that limiting the time would take the edge off how it effects your husband Sunshine, not avoid it all together.

A bit like my husband and our grandchildren. We only have them one at a time, and I take them out for while, or hubby goes to bed while we do something. As it can get too much for him.


It is not necessarily the child himself, but the noise and stuff that goes with any of them.

Hope this has softened what the NHS Psych should have done.

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Sunshine- I believe that this is a stepping stone. The fact the the Psychiatrist advises your husband to spend less time with your son is so that your husband has time to receive treatment and manage his own symptoms. In time, this will not be so limited. But for now if being around an upset child is triggering his symptoms, it may be better for your son as well. I know that it is hard. But right now you're working on the foundation for building upwards and improving. You can not just start somewhere in the middle, you have to start at the bottom which is where you are now.

My ex-husband had this advised to him at the beginning of treatment 3 years ago. He no longer needs to limit his time with the kids, he is managing his symptoms well enough now.

But even people without PTSD need a break from their kids. Some parents have weekly date nights, or go out on a weekend leaving the kids with a baby sitter. We all need that break. Not to mention, we all need our own identity, not just mom or dad. We need to be an individual. A break is healthy, and allows you to appreciate higher quality time with your children. The amount of breaks needed is different from person to person.

I hope this helps. ((((HUGS))))

 

[ISupportHer]

I think it at first read, it sounds crazy.

On second read, if the son's behavior is putting him over the edge, like in the stress cup. then yes, stepping away is kind of like an emergency response, if needed. And you both can't, unless there is some sort of respite resource like a baby sitter.

But you are right, it is NOT a long term solution to separate the family. Geez, like I'M any expert though.

ISH

 

[amethist]

Put it another way Sunshine.

Place your husband in a room with any child of that age and chucking a wobbly, and see his reaction. I bet you anything, it would be exactly the same as how he reacts to your son. It is just to much for his PTSD cup to cope with just now.

Not your fault, your sons or your husbands, it is how the PTSD stress cup overflows and effects him. he has to learn how to manage it, bit you can help to limit that reaction by doing things slightly different for a while.

 

[freakofnurture]

Quality time. It doesn't matter that much how often people see each other, it's more about how that time is spent.

When your H and your son are around each other all day and are mostly stressed out, that doesn't do any good to both of them. But when they spend half an hour together each day, that they really enjoy and use to talk, play, interact in a relaxed manner, that's is great.

It's just important that your son understands that this arrangement is there because of his dad's illness and not because he - son - does anything wrong. You do it, because you love junior; he has to understand that.

 

[ISupportHer]

Yes FON, good point, The son needs to know it's not his fault.

 

[Zipperhead]

I to often find my son pressing buttons. I am quick to get frustrated, and it's all down hill from there. My son has quickly learned that if I'm down stairs, I might just need a break. If I get away before things get to far, then I can quickly recover and return.

The new problem has become that my wife often starts fighting with him once I depart. She considers it letting him win when I leave. There are no winners. Their bickering up stairs adds to my frustration. It makes me feel more useless. Please try to understand why your husband might need a time out, and why your children aren't at fault. The fighting needs to stop.

 

[Sunshine71]

Thanks so much everyone for your support and words... I am going to accept this as what needs to happen at the moment - hopefully my sons wobblers wont last for much longer being nearly 6...???!!!

Hubby had a nice morning with our son this morning and I walked downstairs to find our son on his lap and they were talking.....

Trying to enjoy the good moments.....

Thanks everyone Sunshine x