Other Psycosis?

[OKRADLAK]

I am wondering how common it is for PTSD sufferers to have psychosis?

I used to THINK I was psychotic during trauma because my head would burn, I would get dizzy, I would feel stoned, and etc.

Well, after one episode that beat all others, I really did go psychotic. There was no question. My mind began to expand in both directions , both pleasant and unpleasant feelings like I was on an acid trip. It never stopped. I had NO idea who I was because I was not there. No memory, no past, no future.

It was the most horrible thing I have ever experienced. My mind was HUGE, it was the universe and every thought ever , every emotion ever. AND IT LASTED TEN DAYS as I sat swirling around the universe, anything that I used to know obliterated.

I was not able to eat very well but could, like a rabid animal but did not sleep at all. Finally, I just kept screaming to a trusted family member, "HELP ME! I am not me! I AM NOT ME!" She was also a damaged soul and tried to help, bless her heart, holding me, etc. She was very afraid.

I basically crawled to a hospital and had no idea what even to say. They were very confused because I was not able to communicate very well. They had me on observation and it was dear Stephen Colbert who made me laugh and got me back into my own body and my own mind!! I had never seen him before and it was just funny laughter - but I was shaky for many months after and developed strange sensations after that.

I am just wondering if anyone else has been really over the edge and if you have, can you describe it?

It is very scary. I try very hard to nip anything in the bud now because those ten days were like ten decades.

 

[Reclusive]

Normally when I experience stuff like that I'm in almost a manic/religious/spiritual place. I feel the Universe and everyone in it, but I also can tell myself apart from the rest of it. So for me, it's a very comforting feeling.

When I was first diagnosed with depression my doc said I had a psychotic break. I just woke up one day with complete apathy. I didn't care about anything or anyone, didn't eat, just stayed in bed and watched TV and after a couple days of that I knew that I would be pretty angry with myself if I just let it continue, so I went to the dr.

I also have auditory hallucinations, which is in my diagnosis as 'with psychosis' for whatever that's worth.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Hi Reclusive!

Can I ask what the auditory hallucinations are like? I have never had them. I think they would be scary, too.

 

[Talya]

I have been dealing with similar feelings lately.

Hi Okradlak,

I have had auditory hallucinations in the past and what it sounds like to me is like a lot of buzzing, kind of like the overwhelming noise of a party or the wall of noise that hits you in when you walk into a busy restaurant. It's especially distressing because it happens when I am alone and in complete silence.

I have, in the last 36 hours, accepted a diagnosis of a personality disorder that has really changed my perception of who I am, and it's also causing me to question my reality. I am having panic attacks and extreme paranoia. It started when I took apart a lamp and my son's Gamecube yesterday that I was sure had 'bugs'; they didn't. I am seeing a therapist this afternoon.

I shared this as my experience of what could have been a residual 'psychotic break' from a recent hospitalization, or possibly even a continuing psychotic break. I can relate to feeling like your mind is 'possessed' with all the thoughts in the universe. I actually have to say thank you for that because I hadn't been able to vocalize that feeling before. (I did have one similar 'mind-expanding' experience with salvia divinorum, but instead of feeling overwhelmed, I felt all the love that had ever originated because of me. It also led me to a happy childhood memory, that was kind of the catalyst for wanting to deal with my traumas and PTSD. But I do not recommend it as a therapy, AT ALL. My hubby had a terrifying time with it. It's not a pharma, thus, not stable or consistent.)

We're all going through similar things, and I know how sensitive some of us can be to triggers. I hope that what I have shared is of more help than harm. Good luck to everyone.

 

[Reclusive]

My auditory hallucinations sound like someone left the TV on in the next room over. I can hear the voices, and the tones and what's happening, but I can't make out the words. It's REALLY annoying. Sometimes it sounds like a sports broadcast. I can kinda tell what kind of conversation it is by the tone of the voices. Sometimes it's 2 men, sometimes a man and a woman, and sometimes a bunch of people.

 

[mandy0079]

I know what you mean by the auditory hallucinations Reclusive ...it's so annoying not being able to hear exactly what's being said! I actually go to turn up the volume on the tv/radio every now and then as I don't realise I'm hallucinating. Sometimes the voices are so clear I answer back, and when I get stares or questions realise there was no conversation...
I also see, taste, smell and feel things that are, apparently, not there.
This has been going on for me for almost a decade (after PTSD symptoms) and I guess I'm learning to live with it.

 

[Reclusive]

YES! I wish they would speak up or shut up because I'm SO curious and they're so distracting! I'm pretty good at telling their hallucinations, though, because I've experienced them my whole life. My mom and my fiance think I just have really good hearing, but I know that's not it.

I also smell things other people don't, but I DO have a very sensitive nose, so I don't think that's a hallucination, but it may well be.

 

[Amy Jo]

OKRADLAK,

WOW I can so relate! You're the first person I've met who described exactly what I had! Mine came in sporadic episodes, first every few days for like 20 minutes, then several times a day, every day, lasting sometimes for hours. I'd feel it coming (I'd taste rubber in my mouth), and then I'd call my support team begging them to get to me (the first time I ran to the bin and admitted myself), and once it came on it was like their voices were strings coming out of the receiver--a TOTAL ACID TRIP. Terrifying, absolutely terrifying. I'd shake and cry after, exhausted. This seemed to be a symptom of PTSD, but then it lessened and it only happened every other menstral cycle, got on birth control, and nipped it in the bud. ISN'T IT AWEFUL?! Nothing could help it, no one, no hospital, its just you and your breaking mind. I saw images when I closed my eyes. Messed up. Many emergency hotline calls.

 

[Fawnie]

Apparently it is common and similar to emotional flooding. Mine are most unpleasant. I can feel like all the abuse I've ever experienced is happening simultaneously. I can feel like demons are clawing at my brain. I can see blood everywhere ( I hope this isn't too graphic or triggering). What I've been taught it to use my senses. Take my shoes and socks off and feel things through my feet. Touch things I find comforting, Choose to smell things I find relaxing. I used to use a lot of visual imagery but that got ruined by the blood thing. I'm trying to come up with uncontaminated images. I also have been told to tell myself this isn't real, it will pass. Exhaustion usually last a day or two after something like that. I've been told the woman's center has people trained in grounding. I haven't found the mental health hotlines helpful but thankfully my psychiatrist checks his machine often and my therapist has an answering service.

I am starting to learn the physical and emotional beginnings and have medication I can take and then go to bed for a bit and that can help as can going to another peaceful place if it's safe for me to drive.

 

[Reclusive]

I wonder if carrying an image to look at visually would satisfactorily replace visual imaging. For example, I have a beautiful fox in his snow coat on my desktop and when I stress too much, I minimize all my windows and just look at it. Maybe something similar would be helpful?

 

[karissa]

When my ptsd is very bad, i have auditory and visual hallucinations accompanied with very racing thoughts which leave my mind no choice but to comtemplate suicide to make my mind stop. but i usually take many prns. i hear voices of my mother yelling at me and sometimes see her at the end of my bed with her head in her hands. i am afraid to go to sleep when i feel these feelings coming on. after a while i get used to the voices. i am just like...
hear they come again"... sometimes meds stop these racing thoughts. i want to be restrained so that i wont go further with my bad thoughts. it IS very scary. make sure you always take your meds. if i'ts that bad, ask for an antipsychotic. at bed time and prn. it will prevent it and if you have breakthroughs you can stop it midstream. ask your doc.

 

[icequeen]

I used to think I had halluncinations, visual, auditory and even taste and smell. But since discussing this with my psych he has explained it quite well, well enough for me to try and get a grip sometimes.

I dont know about everyone else, but in my case it was described as hyper arousal, all your senses on so heightened. In basic terms its the fight or flight mechanism your body goes into, anxiety.

I used to be so afraid of seeing or hearing smelling stuff that I felt werent there but I try to reassure myself now. It could also be linked with detachment and derealisation or depersonalistion, they can cause so many weird symptoms that are scary and I am lucky enough to have found a psych that I told this and he explained it to me.

It doesnt make it go away, but it does give you a bit of reassurance.