I have PTSD that I am severely struggling with it all while being a single parent and having to be “normal”. It’s hard. My kids are safe, healthy and happy. They know I am going through something, I am a domestic violence survivor from my marriage. While I am able to do what I need to do to be supportive and caring mother for them- I have immense guilt and fear.
Parenting isn’t triggering my PTSD- it’s outside influences like a flashback or loud sound, a man being angry. I’m happy to parent my kids- it’s why I keep going. They need me and I cannot let them down because I couldn’t get my shit together. However I need help with what’s going on in my head and the physical manifestation that has taken over. I’m stressed. I’m losing weight (something I’d normally happy about but I can’t eat food, it’s not agreeing with me and I have abdominal issues from my pregnancies. I keep saying I think my issues of paranoia and fear are coming from my birth control (yes it happens) and also trying to date isn’t helping- it is triggering me also so I’m taking a break from it. I can’t connect with anyone. I feel lost and alone and this pandemic isn’t helping.
I’m taking anti anxiety medication for a month now and it does help but why can’t I stop the nonsense that is in my head? I’ve never suffered from mental health issues until this year. When I had my daughter 10 years ago the dr thought I had postpartum depression (turned out I was married to an alcoholic so no it wasn’t the “baby blues”). Four years ago I was able to get through my divorce, become a full time single parent, move states, start a new job, buy a home and set us up with no symptoms of depression (also I stay away from alcohol and illegal substances). I work out daily. I had a miscarriage last year which was devastating to me because my baby was wanted and I think about her everyday. I’m seeing a counselor and psychiatrist (early stages of treatment).
I’m trying to be a good Mom, a good person but I feel as though I am stuck mentally on these thoughts/memories. I’m shutting myself away from society, using the pandemic as an excuse for us to stay home yet when we are home we don’t want to be here. We want to be with our loved ones and not in fear. I don’t like being alone so I got a puppy to care for when the kids are at school. Being able to take her for walks helps. I don’t even know why I’m on this writing, but it does make me feel better if someone were to read this and say something nice. I just want to feel like my old self again. I want to be Me and not afraid. Thank you.
Parenting isn’t triggering my PTSD- it’s outside influences like a flashback or loud sound, a man being angry. I’m happy to parent my kids- it’s why I keep going. They need me and I cannot let them down because I couldn’t get my shit together. However I need help with what’s going on in my head and the physical manifestation that has taken over. I’m stressed. I’m losing weight (something I’d normally happy about but I can’t eat food, it’s not agreeing with me and I have abdominal issues from my pregnancies. I keep saying I think my issues of paranoia and fear are coming from my birth control (yes it happens) and also trying to date isn’t helping- it is triggering me also so I’m taking a break from it. I can’t connect with anyone. I feel lost and alone and this pandemic isn’t helping.
I’m taking anti anxiety medication for a month now and it does help but why can’t I stop the nonsense that is in my head? I’ve never suffered from mental health issues until this year. When I had my daughter 10 years ago the dr thought I had postpartum depression (turned out I was married to an alcoholic so no it wasn’t the “baby blues”). Four years ago I was able to get through my divorce, become a full time single parent, move states, start a new job, buy a home and set us up with no symptoms of depression (also I stay away from alcohol and illegal substances). I work out daily. I had a miscarriage last year which was devastating to me because my baby was wanted and I think about her everyday. I’m seeing a counselor and psychiatrist (early stages of treatment).
I’m trying to be a good Mom, a good person but I feel as though I am stuck mentally on these thoughts/memories. I’m shutting myself away from society, using the pandemic as an excuse for us to stay home yet when we are home we don’t want to be here. We want to be with our loved ones and not in fear. I don’t like being alone so I got a puppy to care for when the kids are at school. Being able to take her for walks helps. I don’t even know why I’m on this writing, but it does make me feel better if someone were to read this and say something nice. I just want to feel like my old self again. I want to be Me and not afraid. Thank you.
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