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Relationship PTSD first time triggered

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Thanks for your advice @joeylittle . For me it comes back to never having experienced this before and it's completely different to me. I'm gaining a lot of information on the subject in this forum that has already been helpful. I don't have any friends who have experienced this either and to be honest they mostly say to stop talking to him and forget about him. But that's not happening, this isn't some guy just deciding not to talk to me, this is different. He actually tried to reach out right after it happened and sounded pretty good but I think it didn't go the way he thought it would and was maybe too much mentally in that cup of his. He just needs time like he said. I appreciate all the input and will definitely work on taking care of myself and that always has to be number one, just like him taking care of himself needs to be number one.
 
So I am guessing once you have your first trigger it's bound to happen again? I know everyone is different but wondering. I wish I knew if he was getting treatment because I think that would really help.
Everyday I keep hoping I'll hear from him. It's been 2 weeks since we spoke last and it was so brief. It's taking all my willpower not to reach out. I know he probably doesn't realize it like I do, the last time we spoke, as he's trying to get a handle on what happened but I honestly didn't think I would be met with radio silence for weeks when we literally spoke everyday. I know...the non PTSD brain says "just check in and text a short sentence that yes I'm doing ok and working on things but we will talk soon." And I know his brain is not thinking that way at all, he needs to feel safe and I'm probably too much for him right now. He said to me a month ago that he wasn't going anywhere and I'm believing that.
I wish I had a friend I could talk to about this but none of them get it at all. I didn't get it at first either until I started doing some research and now I realize how different PTSD is and that this isn't personal. I guess never having experienced what he just went through makes it even more difficult. I have no idea how long he will stay in his personal space as everyone seems to be different, which is the hard part for me being on the other side.
Thanks for taking me in here and listening to me. It's the only place I can discuss this and feel safe myself.
 
Just a small note, really semantics, this is unlikely his first time triggered, or even first time interpersonally triggered- (he may experience many triggers every day, and likely certainly has if he became hospitalized in the past), but possibly the first time isolating (with you). Or perhaps isolating but not over a trigger, or perhaps isolating over a trigger or stress that has nothing to do with you, or perhaps simply because both of you are with someone else, or perhaps because he may be avoidant in terms of attachment. Or maybe unrelated/ simply unwell, or any combination of that or more. JMHO.
 
triggers are a part of my life. The best I can hope for is that I learn to manage them better. But. They are always there.

But this.....
PTSD + in a relationship that he refuses to leave + a new girlfriend + her boyfriend/husband whatever that she refuses to leave

That's not a stress cup
That's a shit storm.
I'm not surprsied he ended up in the hospital.

So a question --- if you were his therapist and were looking at his life right now, what would you suggest he do to lessen the pressure and get grounded again?
 
@nursenurse @Freida and @Tinyflame I honestly don't know his situation, I am making assumptions which I shouldn't so disregard that completely. They could be roommates or broken up, I have no idea at all. Some people stay together for a while to sort out the house and bills, etc. I know many friends who have done that. I haven't had a chance to discuss it since this happened. I'm going by things I saw on the internet that are over a year old. Yes I have my own life to sort through and I'm doing that and it has nothing to do with him at all. I'd say we became close friends who started to care and probably take our conversations too far for fun. I've said if he doesn't want me in his life please say so. No harm no foul and off I go. I don't want that but hey that's life.

I am nowhere near qualified to make recommendations or advise on his life and his condition. I didn't ask for any of this to happen and neither did he but I'm a firm believer that people come (and go) in your life for a reason. Life can take an unexpected turn and you learn from it.

I'm not surprsied he ended up in the hospital.
That's harsh. I hope you don't think I caused this because I didn't. He has told me why it happened and what triggered it. He made the choice to talk to me, he didn't have to.
 
I don’t think @Freida meant that at all, rather that she was pointing out the situation to have you see how he could have been affected, at least that is how I took her post. By no means did you cause his hospitalization. The situation itself may be untenable for him at the moment, due in part to the unfinished business you both have, ptsd, and other variables in his (and your own) equation. The circumstances are just that, circumstances. Some folks adapt well, others, not so much.

By your own statement, you don’t really know his situation, relying on year old posts. I wonder about relationship dynamics.....

I am glad you are sorting yourself out. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Decide what is best for you. You deserve that at the very least.
 
Freida wasn't blaming you. She was stating that that was too much stress for someone with PTSD. So it isn't surprising he ended up in the hospital. The best place for him at that time.
 
Sorry I misunderstood then. That's sometimes the issue with texts and reading and not talking in person. I'm just having a hard time with all of this and there are a lot of unanswered questions in my mind. Hopefully we will talk at some point. We may have a strange relationship dynamic but we still have one and I don't think he'd just walk away without saying something first so I'm telling myself he still needs his space right now and I have to respect that. I've never had to experience being pushed away and it sucks and hurts a lot but as I read more and more about this and see others' posts I realize I'm not alone.
 
I was actually contemplating texting him my email address at some point, maybe next week, if I don't hear from him by then. I was thinking maybe if he doesn't want to text or talk on the phone, if he had something he wanted to say he could email and not have to worry about a response popping up on his cell immediately and he could take time read any response I may have when he's ready. But maybe that wouldn't be much help either. Like I said it's been 2 weeks since I've heard from him and it was so brief, I'm just worried again. I guess I was hoping for a time estimate of when he may be ready to talk (a week, 3 weeks, a month, several months?) because wondering everyday if I will hear (and then don't) is very hard. Does anyone possibly prefer email when they want to communicate as it's not so direct?
 
Does anyone possibly prefer email when they want to communicate as it's not so direct?
There are as many different answers to this as there are people with PTSD. I only want to gently remind you that what the sufferers on here might prefer isn't an indicator, really, of anything. One could possibly lump us into groups...but everyone's tolerance point is different.

It's OK to follow your own instincts, and to do things the way you want to do them. Generally speaking you're not wrong about texting being more immediate or 'in your face' - if you know that's how he's got his phone alerts set up. I'd suggest that if you want to share your email address, sending it via email might make more sense than texting it. But really - don't be afraid to do what you want to do, if it's something that will give you some relief. There's no way to know what he would or would not want, and he can decide to take it, or he can ignore it.

Sorry I misunderstood then. That's sometimes the issue with texts and reading and not talking in person. I'm just having a hard time with all of this and there are a lot of unanswered questions in my mind. Hopefully we will talk at some point. We may have a strange relationship dynamic but we still have one and I don't think he'd just walk away without saying something first so I'm telling myself he still needs his space right now and I have to respect that. I've never had to experience being pushed away and it sucks and hurts a lot but as I read more and more about this and see others' posts I realize I'm not alone.
You're right on, with all of this. Humans communicate best when they are face to face.

And you're definitely not alone. Being in a relationship with mental illness in the mix is very, very, very hard. I'm am truly sorry you're going through this pain.
 
@joeylittle thanks for the advice and kind words. I actually don't have his email and he isn't on social media at all so I only have his cell number. So I thought maybe I'd text my email and say I was just checking to see how he was doing and here is my email if maybe he'd prefer to respond that way when he was ready. It was just a thought I had. We don't live near each other at all so I can't drop by and check in on him.
 
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