Poll Ptsd From Childhood

[katiekat]

I am curious about a lot of what I read online about PTSD and how people are different than they were before the trauma, and how therapy can help get you back to being yourself again. Well, what about those of us who had trauma from an early age? Therapy isn't going to help me get back to the person I was, I am not going to revert into being who I was at age 5 or whatever. So where does this leave me? I also feel sort of excluded from the research articles I have read online-none of them talk about sibling abuse and its effects. Sibling abuse is always marginalized because what parent wants to rat out their own child... or even believe they are bad? Same with neglect in a semi-mild form. When my parents were around, I was generally well taken care of. But then at night, they would leave me home with my brother. I'd beg them to stay home and they ignored my pleas. I'd call them when they were gone when my brother was being abusive and they would tell me to not bother them or call them. Does anyone know of any info on this kind of abuse?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Did you mean to put this in the poll forum? Just wondering as a mod needs to move it there, or if it stays here, the poll will be removed.

 

[katiekat]

Please move it to the poll area... I'd like to keep the poll :)

 

[WillyKat]

I was abused by a neighbor beginning at age 6, so I can relate to some of what you're saying.

But I've never seen any literature or anything else that talks about therapy getting you back to where you were before the abuse occurred. That sounds odd, unrealistic, and unhealthy to me. What I have seen goes something like this: we were victims and we must learn to be survivors.

There is no erasing what happened and its unrealistic to think in those terms. More importantly, it can seriously mess with any recovery effort to aim for something so unattainable. From a therapy perspective, it's all about learning to cope with the trauma and its effects. I've posted before about the folly of chasing the idea of ever being "over it". There's better odds of seeing a unicorn.

Have you read Judith Herman's book Trauma and Recovery? There's nothing in there about erasing what happened.

I don't think you're excluded from all the research out there, any more than I'm excluded. And I don't feel excluded at all, even though the vast bulk of the research is about women recovering from trauma. That's OK by me because most of the recovery issues are the same. (There are some important differences.)

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

You're correct. There is no erasing it. There is however a very real opportunity to see things for what they are. Very healing. A greater understanding of humanity. It's about accepting the horror we were forced to endure. There's always a silver lining. It's been roughly a year since my new memories surfaced. I've always known my childhood was bad..dear God..I had no idea HOW bad. Emotionally its been hell. I've tried to deny these memories are even real. I've tried minimizing the abuse..you name it. It comes down to accepting the gory details. Acknowledging your history with a chin up attitude. It's about understanding and placing the responsibility where it belongs. The body memories totally freak me out! Lots of work to do there. On the bright side I'm also feeling a great sense of peace. Profound peace. As gory as the details are the blimey bastards didn't have the power to change who I am.

I don't know about anyone else but I'm claiming my spirited 5 yr old self! :)

 

[katiekat]

Maybe I worded my post a bit off. I didn't mean to imply that the trauma would be erased, just that a lot of the articles I have read talk about getting back to the way you were before the trauma happened, but for people with childhood trauma, there is no getting back to the way you were because you never had a chance to develop without trauma being present. Am I making any sense? I do agree though with the idea to just focus on relieving symptoms and not try to worry about being who you were before trauma happened.

 

[Marf]

I have also always had ptsd, so I understand your frustration with the wording of some of the articles out there. I see therapy goals more as being the healthiest person that I can be. In doing that also the best relationships and communication skills that I am capable of developing.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I totally understand what you're saying...there is no "before trauma" to go back to. Just as happy childhoods shape the child so do abusive childhoods. Despite trauma you are still you. Examine your heart. That's who you are. :)

 

[WillyKat]

Perhaps I misunderstood your post and I'm sorry for that. Survivor2Thriver is absolutely right.

The best revenge and sacred right and duty is to live well!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

There is no getting back to your pre-trauma self in that trauma changes us forever.

I see it this way. I had no pre-trauma self, so I am lucky in that I can skip the step of reconciling the pre-trauma me with the post-trauma me. I get to determine what my future will be without having to mourn the me I used to be.

 

[katiekat]

Good point Solara! Very insightful :) Thanks for the perspective.WillyKat-no need to be sorry!

 

[Changing4Best]

I answered yes to the 1st 2 Qs. My older sis was dad's fav, but I was mom's fav. I never told on her, so she just kept at it until finally I got old enough to fight back. Then she stopped. If only I could have fought back against my sexual abusers back then too, sigh....